I'm not going to re-hash my entire session here, just some key points. (I hate the whole "he said, she said") Any reflections or whatever would be greatly appreciated.
Two sessions ago I told my pdoc about some recently discovered memories/feelings etc that were traumatic. (This is the first time ever that I have had an inkling of childhood trauma-or any trauma) I felt like it went fairly well, she seemed empathetic and such. She had suspected this sort of thing for awhile. Anyways, during that session I didn't feel like I got a lot of validation about my feelings of having these memories. I felt scared and confused and really alone. pdoc was along the lines of "well it fits how you act now, so your memories must be true" Not really what I was looking for.
So I brought it up again at my next session. I told her that I didn't feel validated (I felt I should have won big therapy points here, I've never brought up my needs/wants before). That I needed to hear that she's worked with other people who have trouble remembering their trauma and that it is normal, and can be worked through and maybe with time more memories will surface. She threw up her hands and stated "So you want me to just tell you nothing happened and everything is fine!" No... I re-stated how I felt like 3 different ways. She then said "this isn't a court of law. it doesn't matter if what you remember happened or not." I get what she's saying, that how I feel is more important than whether something is "true" or not. But geese, I just wanted some validation that those feelings were okay.
I'm not overly concerned about our miscommunication or whatever it is. I'm more concerned because every time I bring up feeling overwhelmed and questioning my memories she throws this wall up. This has never happened before in the 6 years I have seen her. She is normally so good about "how does what I say make you feel" "what are you feeling in this moment" sort of thing. But here, she just sort of shuts down. Doesn't even acknowledge that I stated what I need (usually she's on top of this). Her body language got really tense too. (amazing I noticed, because I'm usually staring at the floor!)
Anyways, I'm going to keep working on it. Next session I'm bringing it up again. She can't get rid of me that easily ;) But I'm thinking I need to start looking for a trauma T. What do you guys look for when shopping around? I did EMDR awhile ago for some little t stuff, it felt really silly and wasn't very helpful... Maybe it would be now? What credentials?
Thanks, I hope I wasn't too long winded.
Two sessions ago I told my pdoc about some recently discovered memories/feelings etc that were traumatic. (This is the first time ever that I have had an inkling of childhood trauma-or any trauma) I felt like it went fairly well, she seemed empathetic and such. She had suspected this sort of thing for awhile. Anyways, during that session I didn't feel like I got a lot of validation about my feelings of having these memories. I felt scared and confused and really alone. pdoc was along the lines of "well it fits how you act now, so your memories must be true" Not really what I was looking for.
So I brought it up again at my next session. I told her that I didn't feel validated (I felt I should have won big therapy points here, I've never brought up my needs/wants before). That I needed to hear that she's worked with other people who have trouble remembering their trauma and that it is normal, and can be worked through and maybe with time more memories will surface. She threw up her hands and stated "So you want me to just tell you nothing happened and everything is fine!" No... I re-stated how I felt like 3 different ways. She then said "this isn't a court of law. it doesn't matter if what you remember happened or not." I get what she's saying, that how I feel is more important than whether something is "true" or not. But geese, I just wanted some validation that those feelings were okay.
I'm not overly concerned about our miscommunication or whatever it is. I'm more concerned because every time I bring up feeling overwhelmed and questioning my memories she throws this wall up. This has never happened before in the 6 years I have seen her. She is normally so good about "how does what I say make you feel" "what are you feeling in this moment" sort of thing. But here, she just sort of shuts down. Doesn't even acknowledge that I stated what I need (usually she's on top of this). Her body language got really tense too. (amazing I noticed, because I'm usually staring at the floor!)
Anyways, I'm going to keep working on it. Next session I'm bringing it up again. She can't get rid of me that easily ;) But I'm thinking I need to start looking for a trauma T. What do you guys look for when shopping around? I did EMDR awhile ago for some little t stuff, it felt really silly and wasn't very helpful... Maybe it would be now? What credentials?
Thanks, I hope I wasn't too long winded.
