Death Am I F*cking Pissed Off All The Time Because My Dad Died?

[justadude]

So here's the thing:

I am a really angry dude.

And my dad died of ALS when I was 20. That was 10 years ago.

As far as I've concerned, I am angry knowing that my wrongdoers, in a way have gotten away with it. I'm obsessed with coming up shit in my head wherein I get back at them. I just really, really wish to see them suffer in my own eyes.

A lot of things can set me off. A rude comment. Dumbass on the road. Disrespectful kids (oh how I hate people who are younger and they think that they can disrespect me.) My naggy mom.

I don't get in trouble, but I break a lot of shit around the house.

My friend pointed out to me that it's clear cut: He thinks I am not over grieving for my father. That's why I am always pissed off.

But... I just don't see the link.

I can however, tell you that the day my dad died, I did specifically wonder why I was always pissed off with the petty bullshit with toxic people. I remember making a vow to never be around toxic people. As such, I've fallen out with a lot of friends and I am glad for that.

I can also safely say that I am way more aware of my anger ever since my dad went.

Am I missing something here? Is it really cause of grief? Is it cause of my dad? Am I experiencing some repressed rage issues that I am not even aware of?

I wasn't even close to my dad man. Plus it's not like I think about him everyday.

Intrigued to know your thoughts. Thanks.

 

[ladee]

I've had rage issues and understand what you are saying. For me it was a combination of things. I do know that at the time , I did not feel powerless. Anger and rage can almost become addicting.
I used it to not feel depressed, to set boundries, and anything else I did not want to feel.
It was thru therapy I learned what the feelings were underneath the rage. It took time to untangle it and for me to learn other ways of expressing myself.
So as you seem very aware that this is being stuck, hopefully you can work this out with help.
I do understand. Glad you shared and hopefully others will share also yo let you know you are not alone and there is help.

 

[WillyKat]

Anger is pretty complicated. Is it your dad? Probably. It isn't fair that's for sure, and a lack of fairness can get anyone going. Is it people that did you wrong? Most certainly. It might help to break down what anger is...it is fear, hurt, betrayal, unfairness. So anything in daily life that looks or walks or talks like any of those things acts like a trigger.

With PTSD, anything that makes us angry opens the flood gates to every damn thing that has *ever* made us hurt, afraid, or betrayed.

It's a long process to deal with anger. Sadly, our response is to treat it with determination. We get angry that we're angry and try to use that anger to stomp the anger flat. Doesn't work, IMO. What helped me a lot is focusing on what hurt, what scared me, etc. and to give my younger self a hug, some protection, some self-love. That is a long f*ing road too. I still struggle with it. Don't try to conquer it, to fight the fire with fire. Think small, attainable goals, and accept the fact that the anger comes from a legitimate source. It's ok to be angry, it's normal.

It's very counterintuitive and hard but hang in there.

 

[Friday]

Am I missing something here? Is it really cause of grief? Is it cause of my dad? Am I experiencing some repressed rage issues that I am not even aware of?

For someone without PTSD, I could see it being the sole cause.

Since you have PTSD? I rather doubt it's the sole cause, and more of a component in an already robust system.

 

[justadude]

For someone without PTSD, I could see it being the sole cause.

Since you have PTSD? I rather doubt it'...

I don't have PTSD... I lead a relatively great life. I don't get in trouble. Just pissed off a lot and I can't explain why.

 

[Friday]

I don't have PTSD... I lead a relatively great life. I don't get in trouble. Just pissed off a lot an...

Ummm... So this is a PTSD site.

 

[justadude]

Ummm... So this is a PTSD site.

You have a problem with it take it up with the admin

 

[EveHarrington]

Could be part of it.

Then again I get pissed at the same sorts of stupid shit that you do and I'm not grieving.

 

[anthony]

If you're saying that you're an angry guy, and this is prior to your fathers death, then I would tend to agree with you that I also don't see this has relation to grieving. You may need to seek out some anger management counselling to help you find why you're angry.

 

[joeylittle]

I am angry knowing that my wrongdoers, in a way have gotten away with it.

Can you talk more about this? Who are the wrongdoers, and what did they get away with?

 

[Friday]

You have a problem with it take it up with the admin

Admin can't tell me why a guy who says he doesn't have PTSD is posting on a PTSD site asking about grief & anger, instead of in forums who either have their sole focus on grief or anger management, or who are broadly mental health based, and cover anything and everything under the sun. Why here? Why pick a site dedicated to PTSD sufferers, supporters, researchers, etc., instead of one of those? Or for that matter why not a cancer site, or parenting site, or any other site that has a specific focus on an issue you don't have?

 

[justadude]

Admin can't tell me why a guy who says he doesn't have PTSD is posting on a PTSD site asking about grief...

Because from experience other forums/blogs on general self-improvement offer shitty advice that doesn't go deep.

I choose to come here because I feel I have a problem despite it not being qualified as ptsd and I hope others here can relate. Other places do not relate because they tell you bullshit solutions only.

I am not going to further any explain myself to you. If you don't want to help but instead choose to ask questions that has nothing to do with the topic, go call the police on me or something since it has apparently only riled you up to ask shit like that.