Every Damn Thing Sounds Like Criticism These Days

[Abstract]

It sounds a little like your hypervigilance is up. Would you say that's possibly part of the story? I think its normal in context to feel protective when one is struggling and then knows that being evaluated is part of being in the environment. I think its pretty normal! You have an opportunity now that you are older wiser and more self aware to develop new ways of managing the fallout. Better you than me is all I can say! :-/

Is there anything about this that is about fear and authority figures or fellow students etc? In other words about more than vigilance and self esteem etc. I usually find there is some hook into a situation that is pulling me back to the past and if I can be self aware it helps me manage it better as well as giving me info on what I'm likely to find soothing.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself if you can. Its a wonderful opportunity and you should be very proud getting there. :tup: Noone will die if it doesn't work out for some reason. Sometimes it helps me to put things in perspective.

Have you done a check in with all your basic coping structures? I hope things settle.

 

[Kintsugi]

Actually, @Abstract, I'm very good at taking criticism in academia; it is my fire, for sure. It's everywhere else that I'm being hyper-sensitive.

I'm trying to put into practice something that the illustrious @Friday said. She said once that she tries to make her carrots (incentives) into things that also function as self-care tactics (for instance, going for a swim instead of binge-watching Mad Men after studying). I'm using plenty of 'carrots,' but they aren't functioning as coping mechanisms.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I fully accept that you are where you are for now, in time which is passing by if this makes any sense.

I see you as such a wonderful person in so many ways. Highly gifted and mult talented and much more.

I see you in a transitional phase you are going through, simple terms growing pains, please toss if I am being way off base here okay?

I do not know how you feel because I am not walking in your shoes. I have had my full share of being sensitive to criticism and hearing it all over the place but I figured out I had several cognitive distortions, not saying that you have them at all.

You are very intelligent and maybe a person will come along that can assist you better. I believe that feelings just are no right, and no wrong, and I wish I could always keep this in mind.

I wish you the best in dealing with these issues and have a feeling that you being you will be able to sort this out and come out better and stronger than before. It is tough and not easy ever and sometimes it is so bad we do not see light anywhere at all.

But I have the advantage of being out of your box, so I wanted to share what I see and think. :hug:

 

[joeylittle]

For accommodations - some things you could put on a menu:

Additional consideration for absences - generally, grad school is 'don't miss class'; you can ask for consideration to be given for disability-related absences (everything from anxiety attack to emergency therapy appt). Sometimes it is less work than just waiting until you need one and then trying to explain.

Additional time on assignments - this is usually allotted as a percentage, and each school has their own standards. I'm used to seeing people with anxiety disorders get between 20-30% more time on both exams and large written assignments.

Recognition that you may need to leave the classroom to manage your condition - this is as simple as 'student has permission to exit the classroom to engage in symptom management as needed'.

Generally, what the professor sees is a communication from the accessibility services dept, notifying them that such-and-such student has been granted accommodation in the following areas...and then they are listed. The disorder is not disclosed. It's up to the student to choose to follow up with disclosure, or not. They don't have to take the accommodation, it's just there if they need it. It's all pretty discrete, and not that big of deal.

Teachers like it because it means we know there's a legit situation that's been vetted by another department (so, we don't have to ask for Drs notes, etc) and if it's turning into an issue, we can contact that office directly for help and/or guidance. Same for, if student needs to let us know they will be using their extended deadline or whatnot, they have the choice to tell us or tell that office, who informs us. Sometimes students don't need to be in the position of telling their teachers what's up.

Anyway, hope some of that helps.

 

[Kintsugi]

I had thought of all three of those, @joeylittle, and my T proceeded to tell me she didn't think any of those were helpful or would fly. Maybe I should give it a shot, anyway.

The thing is, when I did my undergrad, I was at a really small school, and all of my professors either knew me or they'd heard of me, and I had this sterling reputation for being a hard-working A student, but pretty much all of my professors came to understand that there was something up with me, and I just never got any shit for turning something in late or walking out of class abruptly. My absences, in the classes I cared about, never amounted to more than what was normal. I was pretty good about showing up, save my thesis class, which my professor sat me down about and was like, "You can bury your head in your hands the entire time, but I need your ass in a chair weekly," and I complied.

My T contends that I'm older and more mature, and I may not have the same need to suddenly leave class or the same anxiety that causes paralysis on assignments (and thus causes me to ask for an extension), but I'm glad you said these things, because these are exactly what I said.

 

[anthony]

Just remember that you got accepted into all this based on who you are already. You don't have to be anyone other than yourself... and they will accommodate you within reason based on accepting you for your talents already. They want to help you succeed, not hinder you.

 

[joeylittle]

my T proceeded to tell me she didn't think any of those were helpful or would fly.

They do fly. I can only speak for the 2 places I've taught, but these were all standard accommodations. The one about needing class also comes up for people dealing with all sorts of medical issues, not just mental health ones. Extended time on assignments is common for all mental health, including ADHD and people on the autism spectrum. The one about absences doesn't say that you get to just miss whenever - it's specifically asking for consideration, meaning the professor is released from having to maintain the same rigid standard of attendance and notification if they so choose.

There's always a big clause as well that says that the student will not abuse these privileges, etc, and if the teacher thinks they may be abusing them, the teacher can contact the office directly, or talk to the student, depending on the situation.

Honestly, they are pretty standard, and not nearly as complicated as needing a separate testing environment, a note-taker, supplementary materials, things like that - which are also totally legit, and when they tell you what to give the student, you give them what they need.

 

[Ellabella44]

id say for accomodations possibly some flexability with assignments. Can things be broken up into parts which the schools now call chunking. I am thinking of this partly because many of us struggle to read something that is a wall of text. For example : assignment 1 is a short research paper. to get it done in pieces you do assignment 1a - an even shorter version of the topic. which is followed by 1b - same topic, but the mid part of a paper. Followed by 1c- what would traditionally be the summary.

Stretching things out like this to give you easier to accomplish tasks, less time stressing about the assignment as a whole, more time to reach completion of the whole thing at once.

My son, who I had thought would not be able to tackle large things like a paper in high school has ADHD and doing this with difficult work has helped him be an honors student the past 2 years at midle school.

Places are more likely to accomodate these days than they were back when I went to college.

 

[Kintsugi]

I'm trying to find my inner Buddha when it comes to my hypersensitivity to conversations.

I have a co-worker, who is also a friend of sorts, who has been driving me absolutely batty with her inability to step outside of her own interpersonal paranoia long enough to see that she engages in mind-reading type thinking all day long. It's difficult for me to constantly listen to her making wild assumptions about other people's thoughts and feelings, but since creating this thread, I've been really trying to feel compassionate instead of frustrated regarding this habit of hers, which has helped me to notice and address that behavior in myself.

Anyway, I've been trying to take my emotional temperature during conversations, and when I feel that I'm becoming prickly or upset, I sort of psychologically step away from myself, and I look as objectively as possible at the words being exchanged, and this typically results in me trying to gracefully end the conversation to go engage in something else.

I'm sick, so I feel foggy and incoherent, but there you have it.