I Can't Remember Anything Of Use

[Angel inside me]

I started therapy. My counselor and I decided I have PTSD which is inhibiting my relationships and my life now. I know my mom hit me.

I remember being terrified but I don't remember her hitting me at all. My therapist says unless I can remember more of my younger years I can't do trama therapy.

I have realized that most of what I remember and most of what my mom told me doesn't go together. I have memories of school but none of home until 13.

When I was in college I had two psychology majors ask me if I had been sexually abused. I said no but now that I realize I remember nothing, it worries me. I feel like I am going crazy.

 

[Deleted member 35429]

I'm really struck that 2 psych majors would come out and ask you such a personal question. They must have little to no comprehension of how sex abuse manifests itself in most people.

Trauma of all kinds can cause memory loss, there is no reason to assume it's sexual in nature. Neglect and/or violence can also cause periods of amnesia. If you have memories of feeling terrified I think that's a good starting point with a cousellor.
Good luck in your healing journey. You will get through this a stronger person. It may not feel that way for a while but I promise you will. Take care

 

[Gs172003]

Find a therapist that can do edmr. I haven't done it but apparently it works with no memory. I have very little memory but know the "gist" of mine and my therapist is still working with ( not edmr though)

 

[void]

Dear @Angel inside me, :hug:

Your T. is WRONG.:mad:
There are many different forms of trauma therapy, some of them use discussion of traumatic memories BUT others do NOT.
Your T. is expressing a very narrow simplistic view.

Actually, this really frustrates me for a few reasons...1. you just want help and your not getting it
2. how is the patient supposed to know all the different therapy types
3. you expect a T. to actually know the different forms of therapy and how to meet your needs
4. this is SOOOOOOOOO typical of a T. who uses 1 type of therapy and has BLINDERS on to all the rest

(ummm...yeah this REALLLLLLY hit a nerve...b/c I have been fvcked over once too often over this exact issue and spent years longer trapped in suffering and confusion than I needed to.......fml)

Let me give you just one example.

Somatic Therapy focuses on the non-verbal and even PRE-verbal aspects of traumatic that are 'stored' in the Autonomic Nervous System in a phenomenon called "retained activation".
Processing trauma in this way does NOT include any discussion of any memories or specific incidents. I have done it and it works.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6M1FumqeyM

***Trauma happens to the entire BODY...not just the thinking mind***
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6M1FumqeyM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6M1FumqeyM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6M1FumqeyM
If you watch that, Saj will explain it very clearly.

I want you to have your needs met and for you to find peace.:hug:

 

[Sideways]

therapist says unless I can remember more of my younger years I can't do trama therapy.

Do you feel like you could ask your T what they meant by this statement? Because, on the face of it, this simply isn't true.

Particularly with child abuse, the damage is there, regardless of whether the memories are. For a lot of people, the memories eventually make their way to the surface, but that isn't always the case. There are lots of situations where people have the damage from child abuse and never remember all or parts of the abuse itself.

These days, trauma-informed T's can definitely (definitely) work with you to heal from your ptsd with or without conscious recall of what happened. And this is really important, even without the memories. If you've been diagnosed with ptsd, then you'll know that you have plenty of symptoms that are making your life a lot harder and more painful than it needs to be. Healing those symptoms, regardless of what you can remember, is possible.

The bluntness of this statement, and the fact that it's soooo not true, make me want to give your T the benefit of the doubt. So maybe ask them what they meant. If they genuinely meant "I can't help you if you don't remember what happened", find someone who can.

 

[Gs172003]

This is the list of treatments my therapist ALONE does.

CBT, Eclectic, Emotionally Focused, Existential, Expressive Arts, Family Systems, Gestalt, Humanistic, Interpersonal, Motivational Interviewing, Narrative, Solution-Focused Brief (SFBT), Somatic, Trauma-Focused.

<moderator edit to insert list>

 

[Gs172003]

I tried to just post the list but it wouldn't let me. I feel this is important.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Find a therapist that can do edmr. I haven't done it but apparently it works with no memory.

No it doesn't. I wouldnt advise anyone to just jump into EMDR and EMDR at its base is memory processing. Moving memories, bad into more of the background and good more into the foreground.

Dead Link Removed

@Angel inside me, I agree that to have trauma therapy, there doesnt have to be memories as I had very few starting off, everything was all mixed up, a false memory, and nothing below age 7.

Personally Id challenge that therapist. Just like they cant yet "prove" there was a trauma, how can they "prove" there wasnt one?

At least ask them to clarify.

I also agree with @void that there are MANY trauma therapies.

At least ask to clarify and if they wont go further, look for another trauma therapist and go in advising you cant remember below age of 13. That is hallmark with trauma, that memories are missing.

Do NOT try to fill in what's not there. Thats how i got a false memory, trying to fill in the blanks. Let the memories come to you as they do.

Mine came by the way of flashbacks and dreams.

 

[sun seeker]

My therapist says unless I can remember more of my younger years I can't do trama therapy.

Huh??

Is this a trauma therapist? Because that is a very odd claim to make. It just isn't true. There are tons of ways around this and none of them require remembering the trauma as an explicit memory before you can work on it. I'd try for a second opinion.

 

[Crow]

I'm really sorry that you're dealing with this. You'll find a lot of support here.

I have to say remembering your trauma is not necessary. It wasn't until I stopped trying and started trusting the process that I made progress. I was consideredtreatment resistant for 20 plus years. Look up a therapist trained in Somatic Experiencing therapy. Memories aren't necessary.

 

[sun seeker]

I was consideredtreatment resistant for 20 plus years

Grr. This makes me so annoyed. Treatment resistant is just code for "we don't know how to help you, so we'll just blame it on you."

Good for you for persisting for so long until you found something that worked.

 

[NightSky]

@lostforgottensoul how did you eventually learn it was false, if you don't mind my asking?

@Angel inside me, I'm in a similar boat, but have been in therapy for a year working on all of the ways PTSD disrupts my life and all of it is helpful and necessary. I have almost no memories of childhood, except spotty pictures here and there, and some recollections of major life events. I've had flashes of things and nightmares, but I'll never know if they're real. It's not an easy road because it is very easy for me to invalidate my emotions. But there's no way therapy can't happen. It should. You deserve that.