Recovery

[rosey]

For me I feel like I have to protect other people more than I protect myself. ( my "helper mode") E...

that makes complete sense. maybe you could look at the core belief behind that. might be that you value others more than yourself, or that you feel responsible for everyone, or believe it is your job to fix everything. once you know what core belief is at play then it will help you to decided if you should be saying yes or no to all these requests.

 

[Gs172003]

that makes complete sense. maybe you could look at the core belief behind that. might be that you value o...

Its only certain types of people. Mainly children and women. I "hunted" down a wan today at work I felt like was being to aggressive with her child so I could watch her. She got out of my sight. I'd make a pretty bad cop. :/. If I saw her lay her hands on that child I may have lost my job today. Just sayin

 

[rosey]

Its only certain types of people. Mainly children and women. I "hunted" down a wan today at work I...

dont be so hard on yourself if more people were observant and willing to act then maybe less people would have to suffer abuse. that said you cant save everyone put your energies into saving yourself.

 

[rosey]

or is that maybe at your core you want to save yourself but because you dont know how you are deflecting that onto saving others.

 

[Gs172003]

Violet you need to take time for you. At least once week if even for an hour.

 

[VioletButterfly]

@rosey - I think you are onto something with the concepts of core beliefs and pay-outs. For sure. I remember reading about this. I believe I've forgotten more than I've already about trauma and therapy - so many books and articles and websites! I think most of us have. Thank you for the reminder. Also, the concept of saving others because you feel you can't/couldn't protect or save yourself is spot on. Thank you.

@missy meier - I can't put a link for CODA out here, but if you Google it, you'll find a lot of info. There are different types, mainly those who yearn for control of others and those who just concentrate on being helpers/perfectionists. We have groups for that here in my city. At any rate, if you're interested give it a search. Re: taking time for myself, you are correct. I'm trying to make my healing the time I spend on myself as there are many areas to heal, I have a variety of ways to express this. It's that old frustration of having tools and not applying them, then that turns to guilt and then condemnation. I'm trying very hard to get at the beliefs and then oppose the thinking as I catch it. It's just taking forever and the back and forth of it all is exhausting. Thanks. I've found a Families Anonymous group and a Christian yoga glass at a local church that I'm thinking about checking out, there's always Al Anon and then church (it's so large though and kind of daunting), then I found a smaller Community class at the church where I might be able to connect with others. Those are for later though as first I feel like I need to find some stability within myself again - a connection with myself and a routine.

For example, I'm trying to manage real-time concerns like the job search, keeping up with bills, and taking care of my health. Without these bases covered, the rest is kind of futile. Also, self-care that doesn't demand that I necessarily interact so heavily with others. It's taxing for me to behave normally as I've got all this stuff on deck spinning me down. Then, I can pull in some belief/thought work and try to move on. That's where I'm stuck. A solid job would be a great step in the right direction for me. Something solid in my life - ah, salary and benefits. I pray the next job is one with a collegial group. Thank you for your thoughtful replies. VB

 

[Gs172003]

@rosey - I think you are onto something with the concepts of core beliefs a...

I'm not sure what town you are in but
New Life Groups

 

[VioletButterfly]

@missy meier - Yeah, that's a really cool radio show that I've listened to before. I wasn't aware they had groups or just forgot about them. Thanks for the reminder. I will check into the groups and online resources. I can also start listening to the shows again. There was always so much good advice shared. Tks. VB

 

[Gs172003]

@missy meier - Yeah, that's a really cool radio show that I've listened to...

You're welcome

 

[Freedomfighter]

Mod - Please move this if it's in the wrong area. Tks. VB

That being said, I struggled with...

I find that talking to people in these forums helps a lot. Even if I suggest help to others I am always learning about myself at the same time. Yes, we all want to be productive, move out of our brain disability. But we have to give ourselves the time we so desperately need to feel better.