Can't figure out why i can't acknowledge good qualities

[Dana1010]

This makes me think of attachment disorder. If you grew up with abusive/neglectful parents, you likely developed an unconscious attachment to those qualities at a young age--maybe before you can remember. Now the feelings that they caused (worthlessness) are another arm of the attachment complex.

I was actually just thinking about this. I was wondering if sometimes old attachments to negative parents and negative early environment may show up later as clinging to negativity in general.

 

[aut555]

This makes me think of attachment disorder. If you grew up with abusive/neglectful parents, you likely...

Yes l had neglectful upbringing. My favorite story is l ran away from home, and when l came back, all my father did was point out grammatical errors in my run away note. Please don't judge yourself, we all have good and bad. The best stories are people who turn around and do great things despite their past. Or they help other people because they know, get ready for it, the struggle is real.

 

[Abstract]

The other thing is that we apparently internalise The Parent as part of human development. Works well when you have mostly had good experiences but if not then that parent can continue to do a whole lot of harm. Changing and nurturing that internal "caretaker" is darn hard work!

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you grow up in religion by any chance? I think that the whole "we are all sinners" can subconscious...

No, I didn't grow up in religion, but if I did it would explain a lot.

 

[EveHarrington]

Firstly @EveHarrington you have plenty of great qualities that i have seen just from y...

Thank you, it means a lot to hear you say these things. I'm sorry you struggle too. I'm trying to be more open. My mind wants to go into denial/defense mode when I hear good things. I can't figure out why. My best guess is that I think that people are trying to manipulate me when they say nice things about me, but that doesn't really explain why I have a hard time thinking these things about myself.

 

[EveHarrington]

LOL.

Thanks for your kind words.

Do you know where I can get a cheap backhoe? Maybe I should try Craigslist. Kidding, kidding. :)

 

[EveHarrington]

Black and white is easy. Grey gets harder.

This makes perfect sense and could help explain why I am struggling so much.

 

[EveHarrington]

Last year my therapist told me we can't deal with my past until I get a handle on my anxiety. Other th...

Did you really treat others who complement you like liars? This is what I do.

 

[EveHarrington]

My therapist gives me one, maybe two. I have that vile feeling of them but my homework is to...

Sounds like a good approach. I mean working on it bit by bit over time.

 

[EveHarrington]

I FEEL that way too. Maybe challenge the thought....instead of thinking inside our selves we mus...

Thank you. :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I mean working on it bit by bit over time.

Basically. I think learning to see your good qualities all at once is just too much for someone that's been taught to hate themselves. It was literally impossible to do it that way. But one or two at a time seems to work for me.

 

[rosey]

Thank you, it means a lot to hear you say these things. I'm sorry you struggle too. I'm trying to...

Think it is a case of reprogramming. It is hard when all you have heard in life is bad things about yourself. But you just have to stop hearing the voices of others that are stuck in your head. As i say to my children you can pick what you believe you can choose to or not to believe what people (and your own mind) tells you. Filter believe the good bits