Aren't Weekends The Worst? How Do You Push Through?

[amosmorris]

I find that my biggest anxiety challenges are Friday night through Sunday. I think it's a combination of the more open schedule, the lack of structure, and the fact that I am simply more visible to/in contact with my kids and husband on those days. I feel greater self-consciousness, more guilt, more need to hide, more like I'm failing them when my anxiety spikes (and then this spikes my anxiety)....I try to take breaks, to push myself to behave in ways that represent how I want to feel (even if that's not what's going on inside): like more relaxed, more focused, attuned. I am constantly hoping my children aren't feeling how I'm struggling behind the scenes, but I just don't know. My husband and I are talking about the situation regularly, but for him too I know it's a lot. I am tired of this cycle but just still new to all--. Any strategies? Can you relate?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I can relate. I, too, feel that weekends are hard because there's more time around my kids and husband. Sometimes we have great times together, but then I feel completely exhausted. I have other times when I am easily irritated or too anxious to participate in things. I allow myself breaks and try to balance things out. Wish I could tell you some good advice, but I can't think of any right now. Just wanted you to know I can relate.

 

[Nevermore]

I can relate even though I live alone! although I hate living alone, I'd find it harder to live with people I had to "act" in front of.
there's so much going through my mind right now about what you say as I was just thinking of my own childhood with my mother suffering mental illness - and she too tried to act differently from how she felt. The result was a lack of any real intimacy in my family.
Loneliness and lack of connection are the two biggest causes of mental health problems - your children are no different.
I know it's hard because you also don't want to scare them, but I wonder if you could try explaining in simple terms to your children what you're going through.
I wish my mother had done that. I would have wanted to help her, not be a burden or someone she had to pretend in front of.
it might be a lot more comfortable for all of you can somehow do that. Kids pick up on authenticity of the lack of. It can feel like rejection.
I'm not at all criticising you. I know it's really hard!!! Just telling you what I felt from a kids point of view.

 

[Blurred]

I can definitely relate. I try to do things that are helpful for my anxiety that I can also involve my kids in. For me that's often doing something like going for a walk with dog and kids, going to the lake where there are playgrounds for the kids while I play with the dog, kick a ball around with the kids etc. For me, doing something physical and outside of the house tends to help although I avoid places where there are too many people. Just walking helps me so much. Other times I put a movie on for the kids while I go and do something like have a cuppa by myself or a shower to get some headspace.

I just had to find what tools worked for me then figured out ways to do them while including the kids. It's also been good for my relationship with my kids! It doesn't always go to plan (sometimes disastrously) and doesn't completely stop the anxiety but generally those things help keep it manageable for me.

In the beginning it was difficult because I was terrified of going into the "outside world" so I had to come up with loads of indoor and backyard things. I also struggled to engage with them initially but found over time that it helped get me out of my head and in the moment. I hope you can find some relief in A way that works for you :hug:

 

[sun seeker]

I can relate but for different reasons. Right at the moment it's not about weekends, but it has been in the past. It's about vacations in general, because of the lack of structure and because "everyone" (I'm sure it's not really everyone, but it feels like it) is busy doing stuff with their families, so I feel left out. Christmas vacation can be especially depressing and lonely this way.

 

[amosmorris]

Thanks to all for the good comments, and @sun seeker I can definitely think this through from the other angle, too, and so thank you for sharing that.

I haven't yet figured out a balance for sharing with my kids more openly, and that's something for me to think about--particularly if it could be a way to humanize anxiety or sadness for them. I don't want them to feel like my restlessness is their fault, and I don't want them to feel me disengaging. It's all really a struggle and I'm very grateful for the understanding.

I have just begun to think of this all as a "thing" since my therapist has pushed me to "have a reference point", aka a "name" in the form of ptsd...and maybe if I can get my head there I can move away from feelings of guilty and personal responsibility somewhat, and do more to just address the symptoms since they are par for the course (ie, not because I'm a bad mother, or bad person, or bad partner or any of those things....).
Anyway--:hug:--to you all--

 

[Deleted member 12723]

When my husband was alive and in his right mind I lived for the weekends to be able to spend time with him and my kids.

Then my kids moved out to be on their own, my husband got very sick and also had dementia and I became his caregiver full time. Then he died after three years of being sick at home.

My life turned upside down and I spent my weekends at my daughters house to be with people because I could not stand to be alone, eventually moving in with them for two years. I was in mourning so weekends were a dead thing to me, until I moved out into my own apartment and then the loneliness would get to me on the holidays and the weekends and I both dreaded and hated them.

Recently however, there has been a radical change and I cannot explain it, but I really look forward to the freedoms of the weekend and I just chill by myself now. I now love living alone and have rebuilt a life for me. So I guess I overcame the dread to joy but it sure took such a long time to get here. I wish you the best in rebuilding your own life, it is a process and takes time to heal and to recover as much as you can, I do not know where you are in your process.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I haven't yet figured out a balance for sharing with my kids more openly, and that's something for me to think about--particularly if it could be a way to humanize anxiety or sadness for them.

When I have spoken to my children, it's been about feelings and how I need more help with mine just like when they're physically sick they need more help. I've mostly talked with my 7 year old since was probably 5-ish, but not the whole thing, just little bits here and there. I have always considered my youngest too young to understand, but the other day I realized he's 4 and a half. He's not a baby any more. He knows things. I use books a lot, too, as a conversation starter. Ones about worrying, anger, or sadness. (There's always books for any age that can help as starting points for conversations.)

 

[Deleted member 541]

I have lived alone for almost 18 yrs. I look forward to my weekends, and hate it when other things interfere with my "Me" time. My weekends are usually spent doing NOTHING, except watching TV, and relaxing. I hate M-F because I work part time and have anxiety about my job.

God, we are all different, and we all have shit that bother us.....

 

[cupfish]

Weekends are a huge problem, and once again, only those with PTSD can relate. The open schedule, the anxiety about what I should be doing, the desire for a free and open schedule devoid of anxiety vs the constant worry about what happens next. BRUTAL. I either want to work 24/7 or go on SSDI. Horrible decision,I am in the middle of this right now

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@cupfish , that is a hard decision to make. I've been there and I am there in a way.

 

[amosmorris]

Weekends are a huge problem, and once again, only those with PTSD can relate. The open schedule, the a...

@cupfish...yes, you cast it exactly as it is. I'm sorry you're struggling with this too but grateful for the connection.