Ptsd And Bdsm D/s Play

[Race]

I decided that I am more comfortable posting this anonymously.

My Husband and I of about 13 years have recently introduced this type of "play" into our sex lives.

Right now I'm very pleased with the decision (it was my idea in the 1st place but he said it had crossed his mind as well) after our 1st (full night out) experience went very well and actually was very grounding and seemed to open a new level of trust and intimacy in out relationship.

My concern of course is with my PTSD which is complex in nature and from childhood abuse. Some things of sexual nature as well. I also deal with dissociation (depersonalization/ derealization with some minor identity issues).


I'm assuming there are others here with PTSD that at least dabble in this lifestyle and I'm hoping that I might get some feedback. Maybe open this up as a discussion for "us" in general.

Right now I'm concerned about talking to my Husband about this and how my PTSD could potentially be triggered by our playtime. I know I need to but I don't want the subject to "tarnish" this new experience in our relationship.

 

[Avoj]

IMHO it's dangerous territory, especially in your situation.

 

[Race]

IMHO it's dangerous territory, especially in your situation.

I can see how it could be perceived as dangerous which is why I want to approach it with caution.

Do you have personal experience that can help me understand the dangers more clearly?

The play we intend is very light... probably not a whole lot more than the average "kinky" couple who implement a few non traditional toys and light "discipline". ;) Plus the Dominant/ submissive play. Followed by "aftercare" which includes lots of love and cuddles as well as communication re likes dislikes etc.

I'm pretty much set on following through with this so the post is not really about should I or shouldn't I. It's more how to approach it with caution, what might I not be seeing as a danger in this situation that others may have experienced and encouragement to talk to him about my concerns re PTSD.

Of course he does know I have PTSD! I'm just not sure if he realizes that this could trigger or if he does I don't know if he knows how to deal with it if I were triggered.

 

[Ebecen]

Right now I'm concerned about talking to my Husband about this and how my PTSD could potentially be triggered by our playtime. I know I need to but I don't want the subject to "tarnish" this new experience in our relationship.

Forewarned is Forearmed.
Predictable is Preventable.

Right now you're the only one who has a valuable piece of info, that both you & your husband could very well need in the future. Is it an issue right now? Nope. And it may never be one. But if it is? If you're open & honest with your husband now, then he won't be blindsided should it become the case, in the future.

BDSM isn't really my scene. But I've spent enough time in/around it to know that the foundation of BDSM is open & honest communication. And the keystone is trust. Which is part of why the scene can be super duper useful to people with trauma histories, regardless of what those histories are, and part of why things can go very badly.

So IMO... Far from tarnishing a new experience? Working on honesty and trust is actually part of embracing this new experience.

 

[Unu]

I can see how it could be perceived as dangerous which is why I want to approach it with caution.

Do you have personal...

It's not about him. You realize that right? You are supposed to be healing not worrying about what's going to upset him. Tell him before something DOES happen.

 

[Race]

Forewarned is Forearmed.
Predictable is Preventable.

Right now you're the only one who has a valuable piece of info,...

<3 Thank you.
That was not only supportive and understanding but also very encouraging and nonjudgmental. I feel much better about talking to him about this now.

It's kind of a hard subject to bring up because it's one of those things a lot of people (who have no idea what is actually involved) tend to be judgmental about.

 

[Iso]

Many of the more popular BDSM sites have forums. Many of those forums have advice about people who have PTSD and how to be extra careful within the lifestyle when suffering from PTSD. Keep in mind that the cornerstone of BDSM is SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual). In order for your husband to follow this, it is imperative that he know the risks involved. You should too. :) Keep yourselves informed.

 

[Race]

Many of the more popular BDSM sites have forums. Many of those forums have advice about people who have PTSD and how to b...

Thank you for the suggestion, I hate joining random communities online, would you be able to recommend a good site?
I've done a lot of reading online and in blogs but haven't looking into "community" type forums yet.

 

[Afes]

fetlife or bdsm library are two well known sites with a following that encourages SSC behaviour.

 

[Race]

fetlife or bdsm library are two well known sites with a following that encourages SSC behaviour.

Thank you!

 

[Kuhah]

What you describe sounds like normal sex to me.

Which means most people are engaging in really boring sex.

No wonder sex usually bores me.

 

[Race]

What you describe sounds like normal sex to me.

Which means most people are engaging in really boring sex.

No wonder...

LOL :D