Finally, A Name

[strugglingdad]

Hello. New here. I'm Brandon. For at least 20 years I've figured I was nuts. Unexplainable depression. Hate. Against everything. Uncontrollable rage. I get mad, lose it, can't remember half of what I did. Been on self destruct. Broke more bones than I can count. Spent the last four years drunk. Quit drinking about a month ago. **** me didn't know how hard that is! Started seeing a shrink. Couple days ago completely lost it on a cop that didn't deserve it. Barely missed being arrested. Had his gun out once. Wondered for a few years if I might have PTSD. Not a vet, figured couldn't have it. WRONG! Shrink confirmed. He seems quite sinsere and I am hoping he can help. Got two wonderful kids, great wife. Decent job. Can't keep living like this though. Found this site. Thought I'd give it a try. Guess that's it for now. More later?
Thanks.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Welcome to the forum......

 

[her_indoors43]

waves to strugglingdad .........g'day mate.....>>>.makes dad a thermos of coffee......your gunna be here for days reading.......you will need this....your here now...so relax you found us ......hooroo cya around the halls of the forum....

 

[Grama-Herc]

Welcome. I am familiar with the feeling you got when the pieces finally all come together and there was a reason and a name for what ails you.

This place can be very helpful if you let it. Do lots of reading and learning and try to stay out of the minutia that can occur here at times.

You will find the answers to your questions in the many stories and shared life experiences written here. You will also discover that You Are Not Alone

 

[littlemouse]

Welcome to the forum, strugglingdad. I hope you find good support and information here. Are you willing to share what might have caused your PTSD?

 

[pebbels]

Hi Strugglingdad, :hello:welcome to the forum, it is an awesome site with loads of information and good people with lots to share and eager to help a fellow sufferer. You have come to the right place :smile:

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum mate...

 

[strugglingdad]

Thanks folks. No internet at home so posting is sporadic. Had a really rough weekend. Stayed sober though. :) Tried to talk to my wife some. She means well and wants to help but it just wasn't working. Regarding my personal hell, years of intense abuse and terror. Can't remember years at a time. Can't hardly remember what day it is most of the time. My birth mother was an extremely cruel person. Spent most of my childhood in terror. She married a few more times. Some better than others. Physical, mental and sexual abuse. Throw in a few bad carwrecks, a couple kidnappings and police chases, nationwide searches. Was ok when I was drunk. Had a hard winter and kind of falling apart. Struggle to go to work. Don't know whether to crawl in a closet or give in to the rage. Anyway, i hope this forum will help. Kind of at my wits end....again, thanks.

 

[anastasia]

Hello

Hello
I'm writing this and not even sure if this is the right bit of this site to do it in, but saw another introduction and thought 'just do it'
My name is anastasia and I have been recently diagnosed as having PTSD, following an assault at work. I am a nurse.
I'm feeling nervous just typing this but now I know I'm not the only one huh?

 

[her_indoors43]

err S-dad im in the closet already mate........theres not alot of room in here....... but can make room for you.......can u bring a pizza with you......and maybe some lolllies....we are not alone......you be suprised how many of us are in here actauly....someone want to turn on the closet light and do a head count..???the shepard will be along shortly to try herd us all out of there........but dont panic....we all stick toghter (oh no passing wind either when your in the closet.....theres very little air in there as it is...)......anyhoo....give me your heavy coat of burdens and i shall hang it up on the closet hook...with the rest of the coats......

(.oh ps....take your beer money and use it to get the internet at home....maybe.)_

 

[Zaphod69]

Hi strugglingdad,

Welcome the a safe place. I'm new here too but there is so much information here that it takes a while to read it all. Supportive and caring people here.

Well done on staying sober over the weekend. That alone is a credit to you.
Cheers

 

[strugglingdad]

Thank you for letting me in. Really having a rough go right now. Panic attacks almost nonstop. Tunnel vision. Found out yesterday Dad might have throat cancer. Won't know for a couple weeks....Sit up half the night in my old dirt basement. Went through every contact number in my cell but couldn't think of anyone I could call at midnight. What does everyone else do in that case? I try so hard to keep my head up but I just keep sinking. Trying to put on a good show for my kids. Got my daughters birthday party this Saturday. 20 or so kids coming for pony rides and what not. Terrifed about it. Don't know most of their parents.
I am going to try to save up to get a computer at home. Helps to know this site is here and other folks have been or are in a similar hell.
(and I'll try not to eat beans before closing the closet door) :)