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Should I Have Known?

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Casey_03

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Had another deeply unpleasant doctor's visit yesterday with my 5-month-old. I was admonished for only recently starting to give him Vitamin D .... which I was not aware I should have been giving him since birth.

The situation is this: We go for monthly, sometimes bi-monthly, check ups. Every time i go, I tell the doctor how much I feed him, how often. i fill the doctor in on our entire routine, and all the baby's new behaviors. And every time I ask if there is anything else I should be doing. I asked once before if I should be giving him vitamins, and was told that if I'm taking vitamins for feeding he should be getting plenty of everything from that.

Fast forward to this week, when I took him in for a check-up that involved various specialty doctors examining his development (they said it's a standard check-up for a baby this age, just to make sure he's hitting all the milestones).

They checked his joints around the hips (to determine if he's on track to begin crawling soon) and said there's not enough calcification of the bones. I explained that this might be because I had only recently begun giving him Vitamin D after another doctor advised me to last week. They were shocked, scolded me and asked, "How could you not be giving him Vitamin D? You have harmed his development!"

I told them that I had asked previously with a doctor and been told the vitamins I take are enough. They only admonished me further and said I should have known he needs Vitamin D as well.

My question is -- should i have known that? Is that something that all mothers are just expected to know?

I receive various newsletters on my baby's development that include recommendations and details on what behaviors he should be doing now, what additional care I should be giving him, etc. And nowhere have I ever read that Vitamin D is mandatory in the routine. The only mention I've seen of vitamins is along the lines of, "Ask your doctor if you should give your baby vitamins."

And I did. And was told he didn't need anything additional. And yet now I'm being scolded for being a bad mother because I didn't know he needed Vitamin D ...


Oddly, when the neurologist checked out his activity level and response to stimuli, the baby was acting very lethargic and just didn't seem that interested in what the doctor was doing. Which was unlike my baby. And I told the doctor that he's never like that at home with me, he's always laughing and babbling and grabbing for things. But the doctor didn't seem to believe me and insists he's not developing properly. He kept saying, "Oh, it's obvious you're a first-time mother. You're not doing enough for him."

And this is after I told him I read to him daily, give him baby massages, take him for walks, train him to grab and hold things, play various games with him, bathe him -- all the things I'm supposed to be doing.

Am I a terrible mother?
 
One bad baby day, and you earned the bad mommy award. Give me a break, instead of pointing the finger, they should be helping you in a positive way. So many mothers suffer depression after giving birth. I was never told that. Anyways, congrats on your beautiful baby. Wait until you get them potty trained, that's really fun. Then it's keys to the car. Lol
 
"Oh, it's obvious you're a first-time mother. You're not doing enough for him."

And this is after I told him I read to him daily, give him baby massages, take him for walks, train him to grab and hold things, play various games with him, bathe him -- all the things I'm supposed to be doing.

Am I a terrible mother?

No, that's a misogynist douchebag trying to chastise a new mother for whatever they think is wrong.

Dismiss that note completely.

You're a good mother, and taking care of your baby just well.

I'm sorry the sucker abused both of you, you definitely don't deserve that, it's disgusting and unprofessional.
 
And yet now I'm being scolded for being a bad mother because I didn't know he needed Vitamin D ...

I should have f*cking have known the Lotto numbers god dammit!!

Am I a terrible mother?

NO! How are you suppose to know if you arent told when you asked? Asking means you care and are a great mother! Unprofessional dumbasses! Can you get another peditrician?

I always buy Leap Frog like toys, apps, games etc and read on how to teach your child how to _____ (age approprate thing) to help them hit milestones faster for friends kids, family, etc. Im very active (as allowed) in my family's children's life. I think it takes the place of not being able to have children.

I also research everything. But thats me. How are you suppose to know if you asked and were told something different? Are you hidding a super power?

A bad mother wouldnt care enough to ask.
 
5 months already? Wow, it doesn't seem like it has been that long since you announced his birth.

Since when do they recommend vitamin D for babies? I have never heard of that. Babies have been thriving for thousands of years without vitamin D supplements so to me it seems a bit rediculus unless you never see the light of day and abstain from all Vitamin D containing foods. From what you have said, you sound like an awesome mother. A terrible mother wouldn't be taking their baby to appointments or any of the other things you mentioned.

Even great moms make mistakes from time to time, but I am thinking that this is not one of those times. If Vitamin D was maditory they would have written you a prescription I think.
 
@Fadeaway Exactly, I had never heard of it being a requirement. I have friends with babies and they said they didn't have to give their babies supplements. Weirdly, though, I searched online for "is Vitamin D for babies mandatory" and the consensus seems to be that yes, it is, but you should consult a doctor first because some formulas already contain enough Vitamin D, as do mother's vitamins. So I really don't see how I could have known, especially since I asked explicitly about vitamins and was told he didn't need any. Now I feel like crap about this whole thing, because maybe this really is going to cause a major setback in his development. What the hell is the point of these doctors if they couldn't even tell me about this whole thing when I first asked? How many other things are they neglecting to tell me when I ask?

The hilarious thing is, when I was having trouble with producing enough breast milk, I explicitly asked what supplements I could take to help, if any. And I was told there were none. Yet there are ....

And I asked recently if he was teething (because he has all the symptoms) and was told by the same idiot doctor that he's not ... only to learn days later that yes, he definitely is, and some of the teeth are already visible ....

WTF
 
Here in the states they say that about 60% of the population is vitamin D deficient. But, I've never heard of giving a baby vit.d. And you are breast feeding, so whatever you are drinking and eating should be enough for the baby, unless you are severely vit d deficient.

i think that dr, is an asshole!!!! JMO?
 
I am just going to second what everyone else is saying
The only thing I was told to give mm when she was a baby was fluoride, and I told them NOPE because it is in everything here, she didn't need it more (and I still refuse it to this day) Vitamin D wasn't pushed until she was 1 and they told me she could get that in milk, and then at 3, a children's vitamin.
You are doing wonderfully, you're a good mum, and the good news is, in a few weeks, you won't have to deal with these nasty doctors anymore x
 
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