Home Roots? Is That A Problem For Anyone?

[Killashandra]

Hometowns? Do they really mean anything?

Your Hometown, the place your spent your childhood, growing and learning, in many of our cases, the place we were abused, does it mean something to you? Does it bring up emotions of shame and regret, or joy and happiness? Was it a good suburb? Or a dingy sector of town? In the city on the streets? Or any other place one might call home?

For me I guess I had rose colored glasses, for me it wasn't so bad. It was a rough neighbourhood apparently. It was where the criminals go when they got out of jail, the jailing system has halfway homes to get criminals back into society and living on thier own. my family bought a home there. It was cheap with the interest rates so high. Yes we had a drug dealer across the road... I didn't know of course I thought it was great fun having bikies across the road with thier black leather and parties and big motorcycles. Pool table in the lounge.. dart board on the wall.. Crazy was his name.. and it was Crazy!!
We had a ton of neighbourhood kids to play with and we were lucky we had a playground at the end of our street so the one rule was never broken.. don't cross the road.. we had a whole block to play with. Completely unsupervised.

Some people who knew the area gave me a different insight into it, perhaps it's becasue I'm over sensitive but I get feelings of shame and embarrassment when people mention that area now. I feel I can't trust them to let them know my back ground. Is this right? Should I feel this way about the place where yes I had very bad experiences but the good ones are so golden.. memories?
Can I just accept it and brush it off? It's very difficult to do I've tried.

What are all your experiences?

 

[Cannottakethis]

I grew up in total white suburbia. I was extremely sheltered as far as other groups of people till I went to college.
I was molested in my beautiful suburban town as well as in the wealthy town of my perpetrator. I was raped in this town and neighboring towns just like it by people from "good homes". When my parents sold their house I felt nothing, while my sister went and said goodbye to each room.
I moved back briefly to marry my abusive second husband (who also grew up in the town) and still hated the town.
When we split up I never looked back. I live about an hour and a half away from there, and I can't wait till I can move out of state.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am trying to figure that out right now. I loved my town when I was younger. It was a small pass-through town when it used to be a factory/mill town because of the rivers. Anyway, I have great memories of walking to the Post Office and getting the mail and to the library (where I spent a good chunk of my childhood and the place was probably the size of a large living room. I hung out with friends on a bench behind the fire station. Either that or we would hang out the school playground. Then, there was the pizza place that was in town for a couple of years. The people there were so tolerant, patient, and kind. Anyway, there wasn't much in my town, but I loved it. Loved my house, too. I walked to elementary school and often road my bike to middle and high school. I was the one walking through the room in my family saying good-bye both times we moved that I can remember (my parents had 3 places that I lived in in the same town). Anyway, now my parents have sold their last house their and I have learned/remembered all kinds of different traumas that happened to me in that town. My husband grew up in the same town. His parents moved a few years ago. My parents are gone from there now. And I am saddened because it was where I grew up and now it feels like there are no roots left there. I am struggling if I really want to claim this town as my home roots, but I feel I do, but only the good parts. And I think there's no shame in claiming where you're from and telling people who make remarks that they didn't live there so they don't get to judge.

At the same time my birthplace (not the same town) always felt like roots, too, but now I don't want anything to do with it. I am saddened by that because I always thought I would take my kids to the playground I played on there when we visited relatives and take them around to see the city sights. (I use city here loosely.) But trauma happened there, too, and it is much harder for me to reclaim positive memories from there now that I know the things that happened in that city. I can't go there without feeling unsafe. And that I feel sad about.

So for me home roots are something I want to claim and I want to be special and they do matter to me. My kids will grow up in a different town than they go to school in and they'll have two place to grow their roots and I know my older son already is. I don't mind telling people where I come from and education was not what my town was known for, but when I was an educator and people made fun my hometown, I would tell them that's where I went with excitement in my voice. I don't know if I've actually ever told people to stop judging, but I've definitely made it known that I liked my hometown.

 

[EveHarrington]

Hometowns? Do they really mean anything?

Your Hometown, the place your spent your childhood, grow...

All those people and their "insight"----chalk it up to judging a book by its cover.

My home town wasn't so bad but I'm sure that there are plenty of city snobs who would look down their noses on a small town that had no city luxuries or "culture". Why should I let someone else's opinion taint my memories?

I mean no matter where someone lives or what kind of lifestyle they have, I could find a way to put it down.

 

[Panda Bear]

I drive through my hometown often, but T has warned me NOT TO DRIVE DOWM MY OLD STREET!

I feel better now, I used to panic. No rose colored glasses for sure. Though it is harder during anniversary times.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The entire city, and cities around the city are VERY triggering if you will and extremely frightening. I have not stepped into the area since I ran to another State at 21 and will NEVER be back. My dad goes to see family, I wont. I will not ever step in that area again.

Just a google earth search in the neighborhood of the "house of hell" in a therapist session made me freak.

I grew up in a very nice city on the gulf coast of Fl, very expensive to live in, but in a very poor neighborhood until my dad left. After and "the house of hell" was in a nice neighborhood though my step dad took out his entire IRA to buy it and the reason i was told..."we have to keep up appearences". It worked.

 

[Naoru]

I lived in many places as a child and as an adult, most of which include abuse and major trauma. There are locations I haven't considered "hometowns" in ages that technically are. Now they are just dark places in memory filled with disgust. No shame or regret or sadness.

At some point, I decided on one major city, one I love regardless of trauma history, as the hometown I discuss and refer to when asked during my adult travels. I have made excellent memories to help ease the pain of the old. If I described the city, I'd give it away - but I can say the music, history, food, and culture will always bring me back.

Until I work through more stuff, I will continue to avoid the houses, streets, workplaces, various locations when I can.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Hometowns? Do they really mean anything?

Your Hometown, the place your spent your childhood, grow...

Weird, I thought a lot about that since I just visited my old neighborhood. As a child it was the greatest place on earth for me. I saw my neighborhood as a beautiful area with lots of nature, forests, nice homes. But that neighborhood has now deteriorated a lot because poverty is moving in there.
But as a kid I loved it, despite the fact that I was abused by my father during those times. It is strange how a child sees their world, maybe it is because as kids our brains are not fully developed yet, I don't know.