Terrible Mistake

[sedna]

Hi casey clear out some of your box please

 

[Sandstone]

You made a plan when you were calm. Now you want to throw it out when your emotions are activated. Before you do that, be very sure that the calm you wasn't also the wiser you.

 

[Casey_03]

I wasn't calm though when I made the plan. I was terrified because the baby's father was harassing me. But I was just going to flee from one form of abuse to another.

 

[Ronin]

^^ This, what @Sandstone said.

 

[Ronin]

But I was just going to flee from one form of abuse to another.

So make another plan, of returning stateside without them involved?

But don't doubt the decision to go?

 

[Casey_03]

I will still return, just at some point down the road. Probably in about 2 years.

 

[Silver.]

Just a thought, in two years, you might have already gone through court with your sons father and be prohibited from moving, due to paternity rights.
Just because you come to the states, doesn't mean you have to be stuck with your family. There are so many posts, where you have written about new job excitement and other possibilities, written about how bad your landlord there is. How little opportunities to meet with other mothers and so on.
You are the one paying for yourself to get here, so you shouldn't feel like you HAVE to do what your family expects of you to do. I would get here, get your son a good doctor, get yourself situated with a job, deal with the family for a little while, and then move out. It's a whole country, being here doesn't mean you are tied to one area. I would hate to think you are throwing months of planning away because you think you need to be an ocean across from your family. x

 

[Sandstone]

There have been times when you were in active fear of his father, yes, but there were a lot of times since that you have been working hard and calmly at making the plan come to fruition. It still seems that you will be most able to fight the father from the US, where you can get a banning order against him.

Your sister behaved unreasonably, but as you say, she has no children, she doesn't know what they need. So you don't need to listen to her in future, even if you are living near her.

Lately you posted

My therapist recommended I attend some support groups for victims of domestic violence

can you attend those groups where you live now? What did your T think about you returning to the States?

 

[Casey_03]

Well, as for the father, my family believes he should be allowed to visit and have some form of custody. They've told me that what he does "is not abuse, he's just immature" and that I am to blame for the way he acts, that I "am obliged to let him have joint custody of his son." So, the closer I am to them, the more likely it is that they will actually do something to allow him to visit, like give him my address or cell phone #. I think I made the mistake of thinking my family would be supportive, because I haven't seen them in so many years. But it's becoming more and more obvious that they are not supportive at all, and may actually pose a risk to the baby if they are in touch with the father.

 

[Gs172003]

So some of you may know I was planning to move back to the States after spending 10 years abroad, prim...

How high is his fever? Can you get him to the doc today? He could have an ear infection that was causing the crying the other day. Just a thought

 

[Gs172003]

Well, as for the father, my family believes he should be allowed to visit and have some form of custod...

Your family has no say. YOU ARE IN CHARGE HERE! this is YOUR child not theirs! Stop letting them control you!!

 

[Silver.]

He already has your address now, so really, that wouldn't be any different.
With you being an ocean away from him, he won't be able to pop over and harass you whenever he wants eh? You will have support over here that you don't get over there, law enforcement, Child Protective Services, Department of Children and Families. So yes, maybe they will give him your address, and then what? He flies all the way over and shows up? Okay, then at least here, you can call the police for harassment and they actually do something.
You have had problems with doctors, law enforcement, neighbors, your son's father, support groups over there, and yet, you are letting this fear overrule you right now. I really think it would be so unwise to cancel this trip, lose the money you have put into it, to stay there and continue being miserable without any support.