Inner Child Therapy

[GMW]

Hi Guys,

My T suggested today doing some Inner Child work - specifically using Penny Parks' method.

I am very wary. Other therapists have tried art therapy and the empty chair technique and the result is the same - I can do it alone but in front of someone else I suffer with major performance anxiety

"This feels weird... too weird"
"Can you not watch while I do this art please?"
"I can't"

Or simply I go along with it but get nothing out of it because I'm play-acting.

I tend to emotionally shut down. Today while talking about self-blame, I shed ONE tear. My T was sitting there saying "You are NOT to blame.... what did you just hear me say J?" and I managed 1 tear and I think that was only because my eyes are sore today! (it's funny - being emotional is something I beat myself up for but being unemotional is also something worthy of punishment - is there no end to my neuroses?!!)

I felt REALLY uncomfortable when she was trying to get me to admit I was a child and not to blame. I WANT to hold onto that belief. I'm not sure why. ICT feels threatening because it would involve shedding that. However, the idea of making active progress instead of just sitting on my backside talking drivel for 50 mins a week somehow appeals to the control freak in me who likes clear processes.

I'm also quite down-to-earth. That's how I was raised. At least around other people. Privately I journal (bullet, illustrative and regular), I sing, dance, play the piano, make art, write endlessly etc. I'm actually quite artistic and prone to imaginative purges. I cannot do this in front of others on que though and NEVER share my work. It is full of pressure.

I wonder has anyone else gone through Inner Child work?

What exactly is involved? We ran out of time before she could explain the process in detail. Do varying approaches of ICT work differently? Does anyone know what the Penny Parks one involves?

It's not like hypnotherapy or anything, is it?

Can someone just briefly explain how an exercise of it might work please?

Is it emotionally hard if you're doing it right?

Thanks

I want to know more about it before I return with a clearer idea of what I want to do.

 

[GMW]

anyone?

 

[EveHarrington]

Hopefully you'll get responses------I admit I didn't even see this thread until just now as the new threads section is down to 2-3 pages meaning some threads get pushed off the list fast. (It's happened to me.)

 

[Rumors]

Bumping it up again. I don't know anything about IC work but hopefully someone here has some experience. I am guessing it is hard.... I think you are brave to consider this and hope it can unlock some needed relief. Hang in there!!!

 

[Riot]

I'm also interested.

 

[Leni]

That sounds interesting and also a bit scary ... I hope you find someone that has experience with it.

 

[GMW]

My concern is that my dissociation comes in the form of a disconnect from my emotions. I was never one of those kids who was really scared/sad over what was happening to them. I kind of carried on as normal. I am still like this. I am terrified of what I have disconnected from. I am scared of my emotions. That's a BPD thing.

 

[Sandstone]

I've just read about it at Dead Link Removed and although I was sceptical at first it does seem to make sense. The idea that a new message can be given to an inner child that still believes the old false core beliefs is appealing.

My big doubt would have been around the idea that it is a brief intervention, but if you are doing it with your regular therapist that problem won't arise. If I considered it for myself, the problem would be around the idea of giving that child part "appropriate information, love and support" becauseI can't feel that way towards that part. It is an interesting idea though.

 

[GMW]

Those were/are my major concerns too Sand. I hate my inner child, I'm very abusive towards the child-like, innocent, playful side of myself. I can't give her appropriate info when half the time my adult side doesn't even know what's going on! I think I am at risk of playing along with it and giving my therapist what she wants to see/hear rather than fully connecting to it. I think though (and don't quote me on this) that's sort of what it aims to do? Integrate all the parts of yourself together in self-love and acceptance that the abuse has separated? So maybe it doesn't matter if we feel that way before starting? I also don't think I fully trust my therapist 100%. I am getting there, but I swing backwards and forwards (such is the nature with BPD). Again, I sort of think that maybe working with her in this way will build that trust.

I read somewhere that in order to be considered "ready" the client has to have fully disclosed to their therapist. Not in graphic detail but to have given their therapists their full history. I did that last week in a letter and that's probably why she thinks I'm ready... yikes. I'm not so sure though - it was half a test, half a pushing her away, half a self-punishment thing when I told her everything in one big download.

I also think that given the nature of the work, it tends to work best with those who shut off their emotions as it gets you in touch with those (ARGH!!!!) and so those already in touch with the grief that comes with a lost childhood won't see the same effect? I could be entirely wrong (and I probably am) but it seems almost cruel to dig up emotions in those who already feel the pain keenly. I understand it for myself, if I shut off the emotion, it will come out in a less than ideal way and so it needs to be brought out in a safe environment so I can resolve it and heal.

I'm quite "British" in my approach to this - I'm perhaps a little too down to earth and "stiff upper lipped" to be able to get on board with the idea of visualising myself as a child then talking to her, especially in front of someone else.

I'm going to have to ask her how it would work with me. I need more info before I agree as it makes me nervous.

 

[joeylittle]

I also think that given the nature of the work, it tends to work best with those who shut off their emotions as it gets you in touch with those (ARGH!!!!) and so those already in touch with the grief that comes with a lost childhood won't see the same effect? I could be entirely wrong (and I probably am) but it seems almost cruel to dig up emotions in those who already feel the pain keenly.

I never thought about it like this, but I think this is part of the reason why I refuse to do it. I don't think of myself as two separate people - a child-self and an adult-self. I'm very connected to what I experienced all throughout my life, and can feel what it felt like. I know what my thoughts were. I'm not a child anymore, and don't identify so much with there being a part of me that is frozen in time, as I do with knowing that I've had a set of experiences that all came together to shape who I am, now.

But I know it's something that gives a lot of relief to people - or, gives them a way to understand the context of their childhood.

 

[GMW]

That's quite a healthy place to be Joey, I'd like to get there one day too. I think that IC work aims to do just that, bring all the aspects of personality into harmony and acceptance with each other. Unfortunately abuse forces a disconnect sometimes that leaves parts of the personality stuck in childlike states while the adult grows. The adult side of us knows that the abuse wasn't our fault, but the child feels like it was. I think IC aims to get the 2 halves talking, so the adult in us can affect the emotional dysfunction that abuse causes. I always wondered why just admitting it wasn't my fault never seemed to be enough to heal the shame (I KNOW it isn't my fault, but I FEEL and behave as if it is). So I think the end goal is to heal those who do feel that confusion and heal the little girl/boy who still believes they are at fault so the adult can finally have influence over the child. That's what I think it's meant to be all about anyway.

 

[GMW]

Now I think about it, that's also probably why I've always felt CBT wouldn't work for me. Because it's all about changing how you think to affect change in mood and behaviour (and vice versa), if there is a block which prevents any logical, healthy, cognitions affecting mood then I can't see how it would work.