How do you not take on other's "stuff".

[Deleted member 541]

@lostforgottensoul I guess that you and others will have to figure this all out, as to why you feel it's important to have others like you. For me, it's just back to the old "shit meter". If someone doesn't like me, I could give a shit.

Even though I have rejection issues and abandonment issues, mine are more about family and super super close relationships. I have a relationship with one of my customers that is so awesome. She's 81 and honestly I love her like the mother I never had. I walk in, we hug. I go to leave, it's a hug and a peck on the cheek. We laugh, she calls me for information or suggestion on things. I have stayed in her home house sitting/dog sitting and was at her side when her husband was litterly dying in the hospital, while she waited for her kids to arrive from out of town. If she ever rejected me..... Quite honestly I would spiral into a sever Depression and I know that suicide would be the next step. I would say that 99% of my suicide attempts have been over rejection.

But just people in general..... I could give a shit.

 

[rosey]

@lostforgottensoul I guess that you and others will have to figure this all out, as...

i love that 'Shit monitor' will be using that.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The only time I felt my parts were through Biofeedback. Which was a strange and scary experience.

I bet it was strange and scary! Im sorry!

I don't have DID. I forgot to say that. My therapist says my "inner child" is halted emotions but I can feel very clearly something like an "inner child". I never loose control of my body or loose memory. It just feels like something very young in my head and I can feel "it" or "she" or whatever, has something to say or is screaming or is crying or is fearful and huddling in a corner. Or at least that what it feels like. Maybe it just part of me feels that way. I'm not sure.

Sounds like DID, I know, but I don't fit the diagnosic criteria. My therapist and I went through it. That's way I put the words in quotes.

So haulted emptions that to me feels like a "part". A lot of people here without DID talk about an inner child so I don't know if it's normal or not.

if someone doesnt like you is it really a big deal

Yes, it is. I don't want it to be but it is.

I have a relationship with one of my customers that is so awesome. She's 81 and honestly I love her like the mother I never had. I walk in, we hug. I go to leave, it's a hug and a peck on the cheek. We laugh,

But think, this is something I don't have. Not even inside of my own family. All of my family has turned their back on me, all friends, all co-workers, or acquaintances at work. Everyone. So this:

If she ever rejected me..... Quite honestly I would spiral into a sever Depression and I know that suicide would be the next step.

Is what that feels like. And any addtl rejection feels like rubbing alcohol pured heavily on that very deep wound.

Adding with I honestly have no idea whom I am and have nothing or no other way to fill that in without what others think. For right now anyway. I don't try to fill that in, its automatic.

Does that make more sense?

I don't want to care and I don't want to define myself by what others think of me. It just happens and I am having a hard time changing it, which is why I posted the thread.

Why I give a shit is a tangled mass of many things.

But, there has been great things posted here for me to try and I will try and practice all of them.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I did pretty good just now. I over heard someone talking about (or precieved about) me. And i, for a sec recoiled inside of myself but then I said to myself "they don't really know me or whom I really am. I am not like that at all. I want to help all i can and make a great friend. I am a good person."

It helped, a lot. Not 100% but a lot.

Is that a redirect?

 

[rosey]

I did pretty good just now. I over heard someone talking about (or precieved about) me. And...

well done.

 

[Ironlady]

I did pretty good just now. I over heard someone talking about (or precieved about) me. And...

That is really good! You should feel proud of yourself! It's not easy to do.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@lostforgottensoul You say that you have no one that likes you. No family, no coworkers,no acquaintances. Nobody!!!! Well, what the f*ck are the people here???? Are we lower than whale shit and you don't consider us "your friends"????? When you have PTSD and your still trying to figure things out, you take what you can get.

God damn girl, it felt like a knife plunged into my crappy little heart when I read that!!!! People do care, lost.... I think you're trying to hard and not looking in all the right places. I also think that sometimes with PTSD we need to focus on the inside and not so much on the outside... JMO!!!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

God damn girl, it felt like a knife plunged into my crappy little heart when I read that!!!!

Awww! Im sorry!! I meant my real world, not online world. You and everyone here is wonderful! Especially you @She Cat! BIGGGG :hug:s !!!

I think you're trying to hard and not looking in all the right places

You are so right there!!

And thank you @Ironlady and @rosey!! :hug:

 

[St.Maybe]

It's hard not to take on other peoples' "stuff"-- Recently I've tried to kind of distance myself from others whose "stuff" I didn't want to take on, but that didn't work. It was tricky because focusing on putting distance between us was really the same thing as focusing on us... which wasn't exactly "stuff"-free.

Anyway, what helped me was honestly trying to understand the other person's intentions, feelings, etc... leaving my interpretation open to all kinds of possibilities. This made me realize that what people say to me is very rarely personal. Especially if it's emotionally-charged. Everybody's working on their own shit, and their reactions and responses and behaviors are their own, filtered through all kinds of experiences and emotional habits that have nothing at all to do with you or me.

Wishing you well
xx
Reno

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thanks @St.Maybe, that's a good idea. And knowing there words maybe a reflection of their feelings and have little to do with me.

I'm trying to bring a lot of this to my diary cause there's so much that it's a bit overwhelming so I was going to try to sort it out a bit. See what to do first etc. Break it down to smaller pieces or something like that.

Thanks for the help!

 

[Panda Bear]

My perspective is strictly from a faith based view, so proceed with caution.

We are called to carry our own 'knapsack'. Aka, our daily life, feelings and responsibilities. Those are for us to cope with on a daily basis. Part of having boundaries with ourselves and with others and healthy relationships.

We are called to help others carry their boulders. Larger than life issues. Deaths, disasters, major life events. From the birth of a child to the loss greater than what could ever fit in a knapsack. But we are to do it as a team, it's never mine to pass a whole boulder to a friend or family member and vice versa. We still have to contribute in our own load distribution.

When I'm approached with an event that is a massive boulder, I asses and make sure the load is being carried by both me and the person in need(and others if possible, it does take a team). Then I asses what I can carry in a healthy way so as not to over burden myself and end up burned out to where I can't carry my own daily knapsack of responsibility.

Sometimes all I can do is pray, encouragement, empathy and sympathies or offer a small something and other times I can carry a lot. Mainly, it's important that people own there boulders too and take part of the load. You don't get sucked into being dumpe on.

At the end of the day, I pray and ask God to please take the rest of the load that I can no longer carry. From worries, fears, anxieties and whatever else my mind and body can't cope with anymore. I'm not called to carry it all on my own.

So when I see post and it's hard not to internalize the loads of others, I stop and decide where I can safely add to my all already heavy pack.

I can love on others by thinking about them, but by not becoming consumed by them and their needs.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thanks @Panda Bear! I appreciate your view and I love your anology! :hug: