Neglect is considered abuse, and yes you read the title to my posting correctly. My son's abuser, my daughter's abuser, my abuser... was only briefly charged with neglect by child protective services. But accidents happen, and it could've happened during my time with the kids say his supporters... the same people who say it was my son's fault. My ex's supporters include his friends in the sheriffs department who investigated the accident, his parents, his friends, the guardian ad litem for our kids in the divorce case, his divorce lawyer, the court commissioner who overheard my plea for full custody, and even child protective services who dropped their neglect case against him the day before court. And while my own parents eventually came around, he even had and still has the support of my older and younger brother.
So what makes this not just an unfortunate accident? Because almost 11 months to the day my son got hit I went to child protective services (CPS) and told them that my ex was leaving our son on the side of a highway while he would go out and water ski with an adult only ski team. Since kids were not allowed to ski on this team, they were left on a patch of grass 23 feet wide in between a river and a highway. At first my report was enough for CPS to start an investigation. But as my abuser has done so much in the past, he quickly convinced them that I was crazy and my claims were merely an attempt to go after full custody… something I have never done. Furthermore, members of the ski team went on record with CPS stating that kids are always watched… And I knew how untrue this was from past experience, but I was helpless once again. I knew the more I spoke up about past abuse… The more the system would believe his claims that I was crazy. I had to let it go.
Fast forward to June 5th of this year, I was finally healing after three years of counseling for CPTSD due to a lifetime of abuse. I was finally well enough to take a vacation for myself and was overseas when I got the worst phone call of my life. My baby boy, one of the reasons for my existence... Was not only hit, but then run over by a truck. Of course there were no witnesses and it happened at the exact location I reported to CPS the year before. He sustained life-threatening injuries, was airlifted to a hospital and on life-support for three days. Miraculously, he survived… The strongest little boy ever!
But, it just so happened that at the time of the accident my ex was out water skiing with an off duty captain of the town's sheriff department at the time. The off duty captain who is also a member of the ski team that hired a lawyer while my son was still in the ICU, coincidentally ended up leading the accident investigation. The end result, despite there being no witnesses in the report, they concluded that my son ran into the side of the truck and was ultimately at fault. And due to the CPTSD I already had at the time of the accident, I kept saying to my friend who picked me up from the airport and drove me to the hospital over and over that they would somehow turn it around on me. Was it the CPTSD making me paranoid? He kept telling me… "There is absolutely no way that they could, after all it was his legal time with the kids". He was wrong.
Just to check the box, that same sheriff's department had an investigator look into criminal neglect. Their conclusion: they had a problem with me. When I told them my son told me in the hospital that he looked both ways and was in the middle of the road when he got hit by the grill of the truck… They told me he was on drugs and couldn't have remembered that. When I told them that he told me he was crossing the street to get his McDonald's drink out of dad's truck… They told me I was putting that in his head. When I tried to explain the past abuse he has put us through… They told me I was making my son's accident about myself.
To be fair, CPS finally charged him with neglect… But drop that after the sheriffs department told them that they had a problem with me. What was the problem? I was asking questions, I wanted to know what happened and everybody on that ski team was told by lawyers not to talk to me. As a mother, I just wanted to know how long my son lay there suffering before anybody got to him, Who was there for him, and how did it happen. I also wanted to know if it was a conflict of interest for that captain to be leading the investigation… At which point the investigator slapped her hands down, stood up and told me that if I thought I knew everything that the interview was over and she would not talk to me any longer.
So after that investigator had a problem with me, she conveyed that to CPS, who conveyed that to the gaurdian ad litem in the case, who conveyed that to the court commissioner deciding custody. The guardian ad litem did not even call my lawyer back till I half hour before court, and CPS dropped his neglect charges the day before court. So despite being told 11 months before the accident to not leave my son on the side of A highway, the courts decided that this was still just an unfortunate accident. Every other week I still have to give up my kids and try to co-parent with this abuser. This past week, my 14-year-old daughter ended up in the ER for the second time within a month for trying to take her own life while at her fathers house. ( Who by the way, was always forced by her father to watch her brother while he was out water skiing… That night she wanted to go to a movie with her boyfriend and he let her. Not her responsibility at all, but she still felt guilty). The first time after swallowing 14 Tylenol, she became a ward of the state and was placed in a mandatory 72 hour hold and a mental health hospital. This past weekend after swallowing 30 Tylenol, he talked the police officers, ER doctors, and social worker to let her come home under the condition that he was taking her phone away, could not miss any school, and cannot see her boyfriend. They agreed to his demands… And I don't know how because I think it is against the legal process. (his past abuse of me has included systematic abuse with the help of his friends in the local police department, contacting my own healthcare professionals, and through the Family Court system)
It is been a hard week, and I have to be strong as my kids come to my house tonight and I have to be my daughters advocate, and stay calm for my son who will be going under anesthesia for his second hip surgery on Friday. He is seven years old now and terrified… And to be honest so am I.
If you have made it through this extremely long post, I thank you. I just needed to get my story out, vent, and hopefully receive words of encouragement to get through this week. Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Warm Regards,
-A
Never give up!
So what makes this not just an unfortunate accident? Because almost 11 months to the day my son got hit I went to child protective services (CPS) and told them that my ex was leaving our son on the side of a highway while he would go out and water ski with an adult only ski team. Since kids were not allowed to ski on this team, they were left on a patch of grass 23 feet wide in between a river and a highway. At first my report was enough for CPS to start an investigation. But as my abuser has done so much in the past, he quickly convinced them that I was crazy and my claims were merely an attempt to go after full custody… something I have never done. Furthermore, members of the ski team went on record with CPS stating that kids are always watched… And I knew how untrue this was from past experience, but I was helpless once again. I knew the more I spoke up about past abuse… The more the system would believe his claims that I was crazy. I had to let it go.
Fast forward to June 5th of this year, I was finally healing after three years of counseling for CPTSD due to a lifetime of abuse. I was finally well enough to take a vacation for myself and was overseas when I got the worst phone call of my life. My baby boy, one of the reasons for my existence... Was not only hit, but then run over by a truck. Of course there were no witnesses and it happened at the exact location I reported to CPS the year before. He sustained life-threatening injuries, was airlifted to a hospital and on life-support for three days. Miraculously, he survived… The strongest little boy ever!
But, it just so happened that at the time of the accident my ex was out water skiing with an off duty captain of the town's sheriff department at the time. The off duty captain who is also a member of the ski team that hired a lawyer while my son was still in the ICU, coincidentally ended up leading the accident investigation. The end result, despite there being no witnesses in the report, they concluded that my son ran into the side of the truck and was ultimately at fault. And due to the CPTSD I already had at the time of the accident, I kept saying to my friend who picked me up from the airport and drove me to the hospital over and over that they would somehow turn it around on me. Was it the CPTSD making me paranoid? He kept telling me… "There is absolutely no way that they could, after all it was his legal time with the kids". He was wrong.
Just to check the box, that same sheriff's department had an investigator look into criminal neglect. Their conclusion: they had a problem with me. When I told them my son told me in the hospital that he looked both ways and was in the middle of the road when he got hit by the grill of the truck… They told me he was on drugs and couldn't have remembered that. When I told them that he told me he was crossing the street to get his McDonald's drink out of dad's truck… They told me I was putting that in his head. When I tried to explain the past abuse he has put us through… They told me I was making my son's accident about myself.
To be fair, CPS finally charged him with neglect… But drop that after the sheriffs department told them that they had a problem with me. What was the problem? I was asking questions, I wanted to know what happened and everybody on that ski team was told by lawyers not to talk to me. As a mother, I just wanted to know how long my son lay there suffering before anybody got to him, Who was there for him, and how did it happen. I also wanted to know if it was a conflict of interest for that captain to be leading the investigation… At which point the investigator slapped her hands down, stood up and told me that if I thought I knew everything that the interview was over and she would not talk to me any longer.
So after that investigator had a problem with me, she conveyed that to CPS, who conveyed that to the gaurdian ad litem in the case, who conveyed that to the court commissioner deciding custody. The guardian ad litem did not even call my lawyer back till I half hour before court, and CPS dropped his neglect charges the day before court. So despite being told 11 months before the accident to not leave my son on the side of A highway, the courts decided that this was still just an unfortunate accident. Every other week I still have to give up my kids and try to co-parent with this abuser. This past week, my 14-year-old daughter ended up in the ER for the second time within a month for trying to take her own life while at her fathers house. ( Who by the way, was always forced by her father to watch her brother while he was out water skiing… That night she wanted to go to a movie with her boyfriend and he let her. Not her responsibility at all, but she still felt guilty). The first time after swallowing 14 Tylenol, she became a ward of the state and was placed in a mandatory 72 hour hold and a mental health hospital. This past weekend after swallowing 30 Tylenol, he talked the police officers, ER doctors, and social worker to let her come home under the condition that he was taking her phone away, could not miss any school, and cannot see her boyfriend. They agreed to his demands… And I don't know how because I think it is against the legal process. (his past abuse of me has included systematic abuse with the help of his friends in the local police department, contacting my own healthcare professionals, and through the Family Court system)
It is been a hard week, and I have to be strong as my kids come to my house tonight and I have to be my daughters advocate, and stay calm for my son who will be going under anesthesia for his second hip surgery on Friday. He is seven years old now and terrified… And to be honest so am I.
If you have made it through this extremely long post, I thank you. I just needed to get my story out, vent, and hopefully receive words of encouragement to get through this week. Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Warm Regards,
-A
Never give up!
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