I Get So Angry

[Gs172003]

I'm not sure there's a difference.

Emotions usually show up in pairs - there's the primary respons...

Hmmm...I can try.

Let me think on it for a little while.

 

[Gs172003]

As far as reactions....(this is terrible...)

I will sometimes call names. It's hard not to cause well, I do it to myself all the time and it's been done to me forever so it just comes natural.

Sometimes I stay away. I never stay gone, I have nowhere to go.

There have been times I got violent but that was a long time ago. Nothing deadly but throwing things, or a punch to the arm, etc.

Over the weekend I punched him when he refused to let me get my stuff out of the car so I could leave. He kept blocking me and wouldn't let me get my wallet and purse out of the car ( he had my keys). He had walked away and left me by myself while we were on a walk at a national park and I wanted nothing to do with him after that. I'm not over it either.

 

[Gs172003]

Hmmm...I can try.

Let me think on it for a little while.

Hurt? Abandoned? Unloved? Protecting myself? I honestly don't know. I happens so fast.

 

[Gs172003]

I'm not sure there's a difference.

Emotions usually show up in pairs - there's the primary respons...

I missed part of the question. I do think it's secondary. Finding the primary is difficult.

 

[Gs172003]

I figured out something. "He's going to hurt me" That's the thought. Then the walls go up, then the anger or whatever this is. I don't know what else.

 

[Ronin]

I figured out something. "He's going to hurt me"

OKay, now you can maybe move onto what brings that thought, in the first place? Whether it's seeing patterns of past abusers, or something else he does that's just setting you off, even if unintentional, or if it's something in what he does that gets you afraid of that being a real possibility.

& Work on either dismantling the idea or preparing for variants of it, and if not an actual threat, moving onto the next possible action to do about your feelings to get through it.

 

[watundah]

Would it be helpful if your spouse put a hand on your shoulder and calmly stated, "Im here for you, I love you and I dont want to hurt you"? Or does ge lose it, too? Is there a way to diffuse the pain which may be masked by anger? Sometimes it seems impossible to objectively accept anything anyone says when defenses are so high, but is there a way to stop, breathe, step back? I find it difficult, but there has to be a way. Sometimes my spouse refuses to leave me alone and that is exactly what I need, time and space.

 

[Gs172003]

OKay, now you can maybe move onto what brings that thought, in the first place? Whether it's seeing patter...

How? If I bring it up to my therapist she'll tell me to leave him. I think that's too extreme.

 

[Ronin]

If I bring it up to my therapist she'll tell me to leave him.

You don't know what happens if you tell her that leaving isn't your plan, though? She might as well have some ideas of what to do with how you're feeling about him now.

 

[Gs172003]

Would it be helpful if your spouse put a hand on your shoulder and calmly stated, "Im here for you, I...

He loses it too.

 

[Gs172003]

You don't know what happens if you tell her that leaving isn't your plan, though? She might as well have s...

She doesn't think I'm going to heal as long as he keeps triggering me. I feel like I have to figure this out

Ugh

 

[Gs172003]

Maybe im looking for an apology for...something. A real one.