Sexual Trauma But Not Sexual Abuse?

[Ejoba]

@Jojo11, okay, then this thread makes a lot more sense if you have never been able to be intimate with anyone or receive gyno care. Is there a chance that the "tampon incidences" happened in a larger context of an aggressive and frightening relationship with this adult?

 

[Vipafu]

Sorry, Ejoba up there is me, Vipafu. I forgot to alter the name...

 

[JoJo11]

@Jojo11, okay, then this thread makes a lot more sense if you have never been able to be intimate with anyone or receive...

Sorry, Ejoba up there is me, Vipafu...

There were ongoing problems with this individual throughout my entire adolescence and adult life. I can't recall specific problems before the incident (inflicted genital pain). They would use a weapon (large inanimate object) to intimidate/threaten me as a kid but nothing truly serious that I can recall prior to my adolescence- the period of time when things became "sick" between us.

 

[Pataguf]

Yes, all in all, given the frightening, aggressive, and intimidating context of the relationship you had with this individual, it seems like the psychological atmosphere in which you were taught to use tampons could be severely traumatizing. You see, from what was initially described it could have been a well-meaning, say, mother, who was just trying her best. This, however, is different, and it seems like it went far beyond the tampon-use issue. It's about how much you trusted this person, how safe you felt, the consequences of not "consenting" to something you didn't want to do. In other words, maybe a "no" wasn't even an option for you for multiple reasons, which in itself, negates the fact that you actually consented. All these are important to figure out for yourself - have you considered going into treatment?

 

[Vipafu]

So sorry, I keep forgetting to alter the name...last comment was Vipafu again. Won't happen again...

 

[JoJo11]

Yes, all in all, given the frightening, aggressive, and intimidating context of the relationship you had with this ind...

...last comment was Vipafu again...

I've actually been in treatment ongoing for other PTSD issues (other incidents), dissociative issues, and co-morbid behavior issues like self harm.

I'm debating if it's worth mentioning this to my therapist as I didn't even know it was "abnormal" until recently.

 

[Vipafu]

Ah, okay, I'm just trying to get a better picture of where you're at. I think it is definitely something to mention to your therapist. You know, it's such a fine line with personal boundaries. If the relationship had been stable and loving with this adult, then maybe it would have been awkward and weird, but not necessarily traumatizing. Given the strained relationship you had with them, I can very much see how those "teaching moments" could have seriously blurred your sense of personal safety, what is and what isn't okay to be done to you, by whom, why, and for how long.

I don't think it's necessarily "normal" to have someone show you how tampons are used. Most people I know, including myself, had it explained to them or read the manual. That said, in circumstances other than what you describe, I don't think it would be horrifically inappropriate to get some help, but given your history with this person, it's not unlikely it compounded into something traumatic. Definitely mention it to your therapist. It's very worth exploring!

 

[Anuv]

I'm debating if it's worth mentioning this to my therapist as I didn't even know it was "abnormal" until recently.

It DOES NOT MATTER if it was trauma. If you cannot have sex or see a gyno because of it? That's the problem that needs solving.

 

[Nekawa]

^^^Bingo

You said this specific series of like incidents are the reason you feel you cannot allow a doctor near there for the purpose of proper examination. Or engage in sexual activity, I'd say it's worth mentioning to your therapist.

Those are significant aversions to (sorry, can't think of a better word) normal activities. It's certainly not nothing.

 

[Bajaseh]

This thread has hit a nerve for me, I've been thinking a lot about it over the course of the day. To preamble what I'm...

THANK YOU.

Agreed. If every bad thing in your life = trauma then that's all I've had. It's more than that and that's where it has to be clarified.

 

[Wusu]

Oh my god, I can't believe how many people think this is at all normal or acceptable.

Repeated forcible penetration of a 10yr old with (crying a screaming involved no less)? I'm absolutely mortified by this violation. If it wasn't sexual, at a minimum this was someone lacking empathy. This person probably enjoyed harming you. The only explanation I can come up with are this person was a child perpetrator, or a sociopath without any empathy, or someone with sadistic tendencies that enjoyed hurting you. There is no woman on this earth that is normal that would think jamming a tampon into a little girl for extended periods is helpful. The only way that this person didn't have Ill intent is if they were severely mentally retarded.

I am so sorry this happened to you. In my book, you were repeatedly forcibly raped. I know you consented under the guise of 'help with tampons' but that is MANIPULATION!! No one with good intentions behaves this way. They manipulated you and hurt you.

 

[Ubi]

Oh my god, I can't believe how many people think this is at all normal or acceptable.

Repeated forcible penetration of a...

Would you care to show me where it said it was repeatedly done?