Relationship Is It Really All Doom And Gloom ?

[Newtoptsd]

@Jensen

I have those moments too do not worry, you're further on than me but I still know exactly where you're coming from! I got so overwhelmed at one point when my sufferer isolated from me for a few days I was becoming ill myself, this is when I really took some time out and thought about whether I could handle it, what could I change and how I could help both myself and him if I choose to carry on. This is when I bought books, came on here and researched so I could make my mind up. I now have acquired more skills to better myself and to better handle situations with my vet. For example, he had therapy this morning so I know I shouldn't contact him today or try to ring because he won't really want to speak. Tomorrow he will be more able to emotionally deal with speaking to me.

I also live my life for me .... this is VERY important. Since I got ill I planned more activities, saw my friends loads more and basically i am currently living a very independent life with a once a week date with my sufferer which are LOVELY. We really are back to taking things slow but it's going very well at the moment, and he's happier because I'm happier and he can sense it, it also shows him that he's not causing me pain or making me miserable which was his issue before and why he kept pushing me away.

You can do this if you really believe you can and if you take the time to research and look after yourself :)

 

[Jensen]

Heavens I could have written the first half of your first paragraph pretty much word for word!
I did research, cooled things down but didn't come on here till Wednesday. I think this is far better than books.
You have a guy and I have a girl, they both have psycological injuries obviously very different yet they both react in a similar way pushing their loved one away. Unlike your situation we still see each other quite frequently by mutual arrangement and talk or text most days. However due to other unconnected circumstances a period of less frequent will shortly be upon us. During the summer we actually cohabited for a while. I told my story in Introductions when I started on the forum. Sorry to ramble a bit, it's late, However I am gaining confirmations and knowledge from you, so many thanks.

 

[feetfirst]

@EveHarrington I think you're referring to my post: Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. I continue to maintain my center and take care of myself. As expected though, we have ups and downs. I just created a thread about our latest struggle, but even in that struggle, clear progress has been made. I continue to feel we've never been in a better place.

@Jensen I actually thought you were asking if anyone knew of Sufferers getting better rather than our relationships per se improving. I'm here as a Supporter, but I'm also a Sufferer (or was). I've only been symptomatic a few times since 1996, mostly in relation to my high speed head-on collision in 2002. 12 years of really in-depth work across multiple modalities concluding with EMDR made the difference for me. While becoming less symptomatic is a HUGE step, there's much more work to be done. Then you get to deal with all the ways PTSD messed with your perceptions of yourself and the world. That's a lifetime job...

 

[Friday]

One thing to keep in mind reading on here is that people don't usually post questions desperate about how well things are going. Instead, most people are either reaching out for help in solving problems, or need a little bit of "OMG, I feel normal!" (the same way parents reach out to other parents -especially when all their friends are single- ; or parents of special needs kids reach out to other parents of special needs kids, especially when all their parent friends are parents of neurotypical kids). All relationships have problems, but most relationships don't have PTSD problems. So both the sense of community, & a place to turn? Can create a skewed perspective. Not all doom & gloom by a long shot.

 

[Jensen]

Feetfirst
You are correct, I was hoping to hear accounts of sufferers getting better. As a supporter I posted here in relationships because a supporter just might be the first person to know, I know I would.
It is the only reason for my being here and I am very glad to discover that it's not all doom and gloom which was what I was in danger of thinking.

 

[Friday]

I actually thought you were asking if anyone knew of Sufferers getting better rather than our relationships per se improving.

You are correct, I was hoping to hear accounts of sufferers getting better.

Whoops. Totally misunderstood.

There's a post or article around here with the stats. Since I'm not looking it up at the moment, I'm not going to attempt for numbers. Basically, most recover within the first few months. The minority who don't? Tend to take a few to several years. Then a tiny minority never does. Still a life long disorder, and new trauma or losing a coping mechanism or increased stress can kick even fully/mostly recovered people back to being symptomatic, again.

Myself, it took me about 5 years to get undiagnoseable the first time. Then I had a solid decade of good years. Then a series of unfortunate events kicked me back to being fully symptomatic. I'm roughly 5 years into this go-round of fun & adventure. :wtf: Did it before, though. Will do it again. Shrug. As long as I don't die trying. My timeline, though, is my own. As far as I know there's really no way to guesstimate what any individual's timeline is going to be.

 

[Jensen]

No worries Friday
Your time spans are helpful, thank you, and I appreciate no people or cases are the same. It's sad that you are suffering again after a solid decade of good years. That's kind of where I am at with my sufferer. She believed she was solid and was her true self up until 4 months ago. I have never known any one more loving and affectionate. Then events triggered, she slipped back into being symptomatic and all hell broke loose. She said she was not as well as she thought she was and couldn't have a relationship. She is also convinced that she can never be better. We didn't break up but I was pushed away. Affection was replaced by criticism, put downs and resentment. She still wants me around, is adamant there will never be anyone else but she's cold and unloving. I guess in the scheme of things it's only very short amount of time. She has had loads of one to one therapy in the past and tried group therapy more recently. I am wondering if I dare sggest EMDR but I don't want to start world war three.

 

[Friday]

It's sad that you are suffering again after a solid decade of good years.

Actually I think it's fantastic :)

First, I had good years. Which totally rocks. Then? I've been through this shit before, so as much as it sucks, it ain't new. Lastly, I had no idea PTSD was a cyclical disorder, or that I'd built my life on accident to be managing everything without my even having to think about it. So when things got bad again? I didn't know what was important to keep in my life, and what wasn't. Now that I know? I can build a life that has those things in it, on purpose. And I can plan for shit getting hard, again, and take steps. Predictable is preventable. Shrug. At least to the degree that forewarned is forearmed.