Sharp Descents Into Depression

[GhostedGirl]

I've been struggling with PTSD for years, but my recent divorce has caused a huge amount of stress in my life. It's taken two years to completely separate myself from my ex-husband, who tried to lie in court to get custody of our daughter. He was rejected, of course, the courts can see through that pretty easily. But the shock of that, plus the tremendous financial strain I have been under has left me shaken. I feel as if I've been retraumatized.

In the past few months, as the financial stress has hit an all time high (we almost lost our home), I've experienced sharp descents into what feel like madness. Pure self-hatred, hopelessness, and cynicism completely overtake me until I'm Iaying on the floor crying, wishing I was anyone but myself. When I come out of it feels unreal, like I can't believe I ever felt that way about myself.

These spirals are usually triggered by a financial trigger (getting a bill or a call from a debt collector) or being criticized for something small like leaving a light on all night or forgetting to turn off the stove. It's like my self-worth is so incredibly fragile right now, even the smallest thing can send me into a doom spiral.

Does anyone else experience this?

 

[Canticle]

I've been struggling with PTSD for years, but my recent divorce has caused a huge amount of stress i...

Yes you have experienced an event that has triggered the deeper wound you have harbored. Time stands still there deep within our souls. It is the very unkind and rrelentless aberation Of PTSD.

I recently exoerienced the horrors of confronting a narcassist that I was married to for ten years. It tore my soul to my core and left me in utter despair. MY PTSD TRIGGER WAS A LIVE WIRE! I ciuld not catch my breath or rest my sorrows.

I lost everything I had sacrificed and work so hard for. The greateat loss was the sacred trust and love. I can put to words the utter despair and shame that rendered. I began to regress and shut down. I asked myself the same question. How is it that I have fallen so far back into the days of fade from long ago.rationally explain to myself; how I had lost myself to the undertow again.

My light within was fading fast and I was terrified. Night mare swets; extreme panic attacks; intense anger, utter despair, physically ill and homeless.

I could not face my ex in court for the divorce settlement. I could not deal with the creditors. I was in a DID whirl wind and time warp. I have been through so much harsship in my life and always made it theough the storm and found my way home. But this was different. My ex had managed to trigger the anchient wound and despair that I have never been able to manage or face.

It took me some time to realize that and unfirtunately much loss. I am seeking the help I need now and calming the stirm within. Thank God for all the kindness and love that turned my tide and helped me return to the light and feel safe.

My soul aches for your situation. I pray that you can find shelter from the storm and find the safe place to calm the sorrows. I am glad that you have reached out and I will share in carrying this burden with you. You are not alone.

When my stress tolerance went from 7 to zero I knew that I was in for some very dark storms. I had to close my eyes to the flow of time and look towards my lighr within. There is always love there. I would allow this light and love to soothe my fear and calm my storm. No matter how dark the storm thier is a stronger love within.

You are a beautiful one. Your words, your insight and your honesty tell me so. Listen to your heart and look towards the light within. I would take all the pain and fear away. I would throw it accross the universe. You would do the same for love. This is a good place to be. Hold onto the light within and take one step at a time. Deal with the one thing at a time that you can manage and love you! Your heart will always smile there and there is no safer place to be.

I am sending you my love and prayers. Love is more real then my breath and the beat if my heart so I know fie certain that you will feel and see it within.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

These particular symptoms sound like Major Depression. Been there, done that!

This is the time to put anti-depression schemes into place. Yes, you can.

- Thought stoppage (Google it up. I've written about it here a number of times) is highly effective in your sort of case. You can make some serious progress in a week or so.

- Refuse to isolate. Isolation makes depression much worse.

- Turn away from your pain and spend some time focusing on the less fortunate every day. Serve at a soup kitchen. Tutor a child from a disadvantaged home. Do something like this in a group setting.

- Carry a small notebook with you and, every day, note the tiny micro pleasures you notice. Yes, even when deeply depressed you will find micro moments when you catch yourself smiling or whatever. You just don't notice those moments now due to the depression.

- At bedtime every day, think of at least one thing that happened that day that you are thankful for.

- Do smiling exercises. Smiling causes signals to be sent to your brain; your brain, in response, pumps out 'happy hormones'. How? Put a pencil between your teeth but do not allow your lips to touch the pencil. This maneuver forces your mouth into a smile. Hold this position for five, ten, then fifteen minutes at a time. You can do this while driving, watching tv, etc..

This is just a start.

You can do this!!!!