Emdr..help!

[BoN-bOn]

I had my first EMDR session today. I've seen this T for a month now & this visit was my 6th. I've felt pretty comfortable with her so far, but today all the comfort was gone! I felt totally awkward & uncomfortable looking at the lights & I didn't even know what to say or what to think about! I tried to think of things related to all of my traumas, but I just felt like I COULDN'T do it. She said I did great & that I would get the hang of it. NOW I am thinking of things, but I just couldn't relax enough to really think about anything when I was there.

I'm so afraid she is going to get frustrated with me & I really WANT this to work. Maybe I was too worried about what I was SUPPOSED to say or do. Any tips on how I can make it better next week???

 

[Leighlee87]

Don't worry. On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate the distress of that memory? For me, I kinda did the same thing for my first few sessions, especially when we were working on small traumas. For really significant traumas the sessions have been overwhelming emotionally, but even then, on a couple passes I typically draw a blank. But today was the first time we went over a large trauma, and I couldn't/ didn't engage. She said that my distance from everything was a good sign of moving past the trauma. I'd say the experience might be in the realm of normal and not to get discouraged. Sometimes it's just a matter of letting down your guard and being able to embrace the fear of "going there"--those defense mechanisms (or just fear of emdr itself) might be refusing to let you get to those experiences

 

[BoN-bOn]

Don't worry. On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate the distress of that memory? For me, I kinda di...

I guess I'm disassociating? Just like when I told her about all of the trauma...I was able to do so without any emotion or feeling. Like I was telling her about a trip to the grocery store! I just felt like a robot...forcing the awful words to come out of my mouth but I was just numb. I told her it's hard to sit & think about things when I've forced myself NOT to for so many years. She said that was normal. Maybe I'm afraid the tears will start & I won't be able to stop them. & I think you're right...I think it's the fear of "going there" & the fear of the EMDR itself that's stopping me.

 

[Missycat]

Talk to your T about how you feel and that during the 'processing' you didnt know what to feel or say. The T is there as a guide or facilitator and will help you get more from emdr if you tell them how you feel even if its nothing !
I am doing emdr and we have used tapping on the back of my hands and vibrating buzzers that i hold, there have been occasions where i have found it really difficult and overwhelming and other times where i have had to say to her that i havent felt anything or nothing came in to my head , she was then able to change what we used for the emdr and the questions she was asking.
I have had some real successes with emdr, its still a long journey but im getting there. I wish you all the best and hope it works for you.

 

[Marymickaela]

When I started with my EMDR therapist 18 months ago we did talk therapy for probably a couple months getting to know me before we attempted EMDR. I had tried EMDR with a different therapist a couple years prior who used her fingers back and forth and it was quite annoying, not a good fit at all. Well my current one uses tappers or I put on a head set and set the speed and volume of them. The 1st time we did EMDR it was unbelievable. I didn't know what happened but all these deep painful emotions came to the surface as I started talking. I was reliving the pain I felt when it had happened. I found myself sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. When we were done I looked at her and said "what just happened?" "Where did that come from? How did that happen?" She told me she didn't know exactly how it works, but that it does. As you process those painful motions the connections within your brain heal.

The last couple months our EMDR sessions have gotten very very intense. I can feel myself healing little by little. So don't give up. Sometimes nothing much has happened, but when it does, it's amazing.

 

[Yinka]

just a suggest taking away wanting validation from your therapist. Your there to heal your therapist isnt there to judge you & if they were there not a therapist i would recommend. Its sounds like you fear of being perfect for your therapist is holding you back.
I am having emdr at the moment and like you was concerned how she might think of me. This is totally normally for me i have lived my whole life with shame & requiring validation.
I am just going of your last paragraph Afraid, worried, frustrated, do what your suppose to, these feeling maybe just be the programme you have been given by your trauma & in childhood. What i do before i have therapy is tell myself i do not need my therapist validation, i am here to heal not look for ways to heal my therapist, i am here for healing.

I have also learnt the tapping & swish technique just by watching freely on youtube & listening to many motivational speakers & therapist that explain about how the brain work. I tap every day i am happy & without cruel negative people in this moment. I do this before i go into therapy also. When i am in therapy i always at the end of therapy use swish technique to put all my images in black & white this helps me once i leave to remember that the images are old which for me has helped see my trauma as a past memory. Instead of reliving the fear every day as i was.

I am new to emdr and only heard about it through a therapist on youtube, i've only had 3 session & my last session was actually having the emdr, my therapist has only let me have it so quickly due to the level of self help i have been doing for the last 6 months. I am not trained or got much experience but without all the stuff i have been doing on myself i would not of been able to copy with having emdr. I wasnt able to sleep & images constantly came back to me but because i listen to so much stuff on youtube every day it helped me manage the after effects of awakening my trauma.

Here are some of the people i listen to it may also help you to not seek you therapist validation & also help after treatment to not be so affraid.
Lisa A romano
John bradshaw
Melanie Tonia Evans
Ross rosenerg
Wayne dyer
Free audio book on youtube the power of the subconscious mind gave me a great understanding of my mind. Also how to reprogram the subconscious mind & helped me learnt how to change my thought.

These are just some of the people i listen to every day & even when i am asleep. I had 37 years living with my trauma so i am making sure i fill it with as much healing as i can so i no longer live in fear :)

 

[micky]

hello
I will be starting EMDR myself and iam afraid the same will happen me.my mind will go blank.the things the therapist wants me to talk about cause me distress and I normanally dissociate.
Are you supposed to just tell them all the things that stress you?

 

[Natalie byram]

I had my first EMDR session today. I've seen this T for a month now & this visit was my 6th. I've fel...

She won't get upset with you. The most important thing to remember is to try and relax while you are there and let what comes to your mind, come. Your memories will come, you don't have to forcefully think, just follow the dots.. there will be times more come at home.. if possible, out those in " a box" until the next session unless you can handle them on your own. I've been doing this for almost a year. It's hard work. Frustrating at times. You will want to give up a tg times. Overall, bigger picture though, it's worth it. Stay strong!

 

[BoN-bOn]

Thank you for the replies! I'm still hanging in there with the EMDR, but I'm finding it very, very difficult. Just as I start to get somewhere I dissociate & shut down. I am making progress...just very slow & it's taken me longer to get comfortable trusting my T & feeling safe, but we are getting there. I guess it's understandable given my history & I'm learning to be gentle with myself also.

I'm finding that after a session I don't sleep for several days...very hyper vigilant & feel like the memories won't stop. if I do sleep, the nightmares become much worse. She suggested making an appointment with a psychiatrist to get my sleep regulated, which I know would help me, but I am just tired of talking to people. I'm taking Lexapro & Trazadone for sleep but the Trazadone is not working when I am in that state.