I Am Slipping Back And I Am Afraid.

[Canticle]

I am so afraid of that dark place after all these years. I never spoke of it, I just ran away from the nightmare and would not let anyone in.

I do not like the person I became to cover up and hide the terror. Eventualy I had to face that part of me and love myself back into the light. Unfirtunately for me I did not face the very thing that caused me to run away in the first place. It is still haunting me after all this time. I am talking about a terror so frightful to me that I feel like I am the axiom of all the fears and sorrows troughout time. I can not breathe there. My scream is silent; yet, earth sattering.

I do not know how to face that terror. Yet; I must end this cycle of pain that was past from my family into me. I do not want this cycle to destroy my daughters life. I would run away off the edge of the night if not for my love for her.

After all these years I am still terrified deep within my soul. I cannot breathe there. How do I face this. I wish my sister had not triggered me so. I wish I could just run away. I wish it was just my life and my choice. I am so afraid that I will loose myself to that broken down bad person I became all over again.

I am asking for help this time, I will do my best to let the light in and trust in love. I will not run away and hide in the shadows. I will stay here and face my fear. So please tell me I am safe and will be ok! Please don't make fun of me for being different. Please except the fact that I need to feel safe and loved.

I love my daughter and will stop this cycle of pain and show her my true heart smile; but, I must somehow face this terror that has shattered my soul and shrouded my happiness!

 

[Canticle]

I am so afraid of that dark place after all these years. I never spoke of it, I just ran away from th...

The greater the light the darker the storm. Try to kill it all away and I remember everything. Everyone I know goes away. Standing here all alone with stains of time and I will disapear! Everyone I know goes away in the end!

 

[Phantom Shadow]

O those of us that hit in the dark away from the past evil. We must shed some light into our darkness. Find someone to trust with your minds thoughts and fears that you can trust. Someone that will not judge you for your fears, we all have those people somewhere. Most of the time we don't want to allow them to know an put up a false face to the world. That is the man of most MEN me included. You know what worked from before go back there an start again.
Also know that people in this forum do not know whom you really are so you can feel safe to lay it all out there. An allow others that feel the same to help. All you have to do is be brave enough to ask. LG.

 

[Canticle]

O those of us that hit in the dark away from the past evil. We must shed some light into our da...

Brother your words tell me true that have always stuggled to stand proper in this world. I love you for that. We must go on, we must carry on; regardless, of the storm!

 

[Sparkletrish]

I am so afraid of that dark place after all these years. I never spoke of it, I just ran away from th...

I am in a very similar situation.

 

[Canticle]

I was always a defender of the faith and protected those that need my help; but, I lost myself in the undertow of despair. Yes, it was impossible for me to trust in the light. To many stones within my soul. My sorrows consumed me and I set my life on fire. Me first; I broke me down black and blue and became the dark. If I could only have back all them years and lonely tears. I am fighting to shine my heart smile for my daughter now. I can not allow myself to dissacociate back into the fade. I must let the light in this time and allow my heart to smile! Sharing this burden and reaching out is my way of letting the light in and protecting me. Thank you; heart and soul, for helping me to carry the burden and letting it breathe!

 

[bring em all in]

Leonard Cohen wrote: "There is a crack in everything/that's how the Light gets in." Here's hoping the Light gets in for all of us!

 

[Canticle]

Leonard Cohen wrote: "There is a crack in everything/that's how the Light gets in." Here's hopi...

Yes I could not agree more. The darkness is no stranger to my soul; but, my spirit is the keeper of the flame. Shine on brother!