Sex With Therapist

[Ahic]

I think just one time of doing this and I would 'wake up' in session and stop feeling like I'm reliving something terrifying.

My therapist and I toss a stress ball back and forth to keep me from disassociating. The only time he has ever touched me was once he put his around around my neck, in a friendly way, not a sexual on. Hr has never touched my hands and sits feet from me as well so couldn't lean to even do that. He'd have to scoot his chair up. We have issue passing something like hos phine when he wants to show me something online.

Bu i am saying that there are ways to do what you want without any touch at all. But i agree, a hand hold of something like that would be better if it must be human touch but of all the things one can hold to keep them grounded, I don't buy that you must have his touch to do that.

 

[Peceji]

I have a hard time with dissociation in therapy...

You are very sane, and in the midst of erotic transference. Therapists can get erotic counter transference too.

If no sexual activity is engaged, working through such transference, yes, by talking alone, can be deeply healing.

It is damaging for both parties if you actually engage in sexual acitvity. It is not a shortcut through dissociation or feeling stuck in therapy. It would be a reenactment of the past trauma.

Your dissociation is not about the lack of sex with your therapist, it's about the boundary busting trauma and pain of the past that you don't get have the skills to manage.

 

[Ufol]

his around around my neck,

His arm around my neck.

Should have proof read that to fix spelling errors. Sorry.

 

[Lanik]

Your dissociation is not about the lack of sex with your therapist, it's about the boundary busting trauma and pain of the past that you don't get have the skills to manage.

I mean don't yet have the skills to manage.

The dissociation may even be a sign that the level of intimacy you have now is too much, and therapy should be paced out better.

Have you talked with your therapist about the dissociation and how much you want to come out of it?

 

[Ura]

He actually made a joke about how it's possible he could want it, too

That's not good. That means the boundry isn't clear and isn't laid strong enough.

If I mention this to my therapist he would rattle off normal transference but would NEVER joke about how he could want it too. That sounds like counter transference, or close to it. Or at least a weak boundry.

Please be careful. Having sex with a therapist (or anything that even resembles sexual anything) is nothing to joke about and is very damaging. It damaged me in so many areas and really made my current therapy so much harder and longer, and I still carry damage, all due to it.

 

[Pinof]

O

That's not good. That means the boundry isn't clear and isn't laid strong enough.

If I mention this to my therapist he w...

Or he could be attracted and not care enough to stop it

 

[Hacolu]

If you are having sex with your therapist, you are being abused once again by a sick individual. It's as simple as that.

 

[Asah]

Hugs? Yes, we hug. Big bear hugs!

Sex? Nope...never and it should never happen.

 

[Gepihu]

It would help us break through this awful frozen experience of therapy that I'm having.

I believe there are better ways to break through. I have seen people use sex as medication before. It isn't a healing experience for those with PTSD. At best it is a distraction from flashbacks.

Why can't a loving sexual encounter with your therapist be healing?

Okay. Good point. However, where do you draw the line? What if you said "Why can't a loving sexual encounter with your parent be healing?".
The problem is, therapists have a role, just like parents. They are basically set up to provide healing of the PTSD. Throwing "loving sex as therapy" onto the PTSD is like throwing gasoline onto a fire.

I kind of see this as cathartic in the same way BDSM sex can be cathartic.

My personal experience is that BDSM and other alternative sexual experiences are a distraction. They have helped me bury my pain, but have not healed it. I'm sure someone can go through their whole life using sex as a way to avoid pain. These people might want to defend their sexual behavior as necessary. It might seem like the only option. However, using sex as medication only takes care of some of the symptoms.

When I told my told my therapists about how I felt about them each one has let me know that I was absolutely safe from sexual abuse in the therapeutic relationship. None of them wanted to see me suffer any more.

 

[Ape]

I'm concerned about his response, This whole thing could be healing for you - if you discuss it and he sets down strong boundaries. But if he isnt an ethical t then this could be very damaging to you. Even if he only crosses the line psychologically.

I'm assuming you have a history of sexual trauma. Do you have a tendency to sexualise relationships in general and were any of your abusers caretakers?

Can you see that you are trying to solve an emotionally painful situation with sex? What would happen if you could feel emotionally connected without sexual energy or sexual touch?

 

[Wovu]

My therapist and I are very physical. There are hugs after almost every session, he does energy healing and body-work as well as Accupressure and Kiatsu massages to help with trauma processing, he's even sat on the floor and held/rocked me the one time I really needed it. The only reason we CAN do this, is I'm not jumping his bones every time we meet. I need to discover the safe, non-sexual touch you're describing and the only way to get that is to NOT get sexual. Do I still think there might be a time when touch TURNS sexual? Because of my history, yes, and it SCARES me that this might be so. I know this is a problem we will have to work out soon, especially since we're working on sexual trauma right now, but its BECAUSE I have those boundaries already with him that I might be able to work on it. He's the first therapist who has ever been able to get this far in my trauma processing but its because I needed the safe touch. I got that, and now I need to know that it will CONTINUE to be a safe touch.

Do I fantasize about f*cking my T? You bet your boots! Its part of the intimacy of the relationship, but since I know that its not going to happen, I've been able to look for getting my sexual needs met by others. Funny though, after working with T, I'm able to recognize and trust a safe relationship for a change...which is the whole purpose of therapy.

 

[Ginan]

I'm concerned about his response, This whole thing could be healing for you - if you discuss it and he sets down strong bo...

Thank you for your response - very thought provoking. It's so hard for me to see this as wrong as I am convinced I can do this in a therapeutic way. My normal me does not sexualize relationships at all but the times in my life this trauma has come up, yes, I use sex to connect and save me from isolation of PTSD. I have sexual trauma from a 'care taker' sort of...I was hurt by a very violent person as a young adolescent and I actually ran off with him for over a year. It's very confusing. I had desire to protect him and I enslaved myself to this violent crazy person. I can't really explain it well. It's nuts. I feel pretty normal outside of this but my T definitely keeps this fresh in my mind and I am either so deep in a fog and disconnected from him that I feel alone and isolated or I feel desperate to sleep with him so I don't slip back in the fog.

It's SO convincing that sex will make this therapeutic relationship better. I can't believe not one person on here feels this could possibly be true. Outside of this horrendous 'relationship' I had, I don't make many mistakes. My moral compass is pretty solid and I'm a pretty driven perfectionist...so it's SOO hard to believe this strong feeling could be so off the mark. But, my one area of major failure is this one, so I will tread carefully here.

Sounds like I should just ask him if he'd like to have sex with me to even see if that boundary is there. He asked me what I would do if he came on to me once. I was pretty dissociated when he asked and so it's hard to know if I was understanding him well.