The Rabbit Hole

[Deleted member 541]

Just feeling like I'm falling down the rabbit hole. Or getting sucked down into it. With all of the medical shit going on with me lately I'm getting super depressed.

Between falling 10 days ago, and wrecking my knee, shoulder, ankle, and cutting my hand and elbow that are still all trying to heal. Then cutting a little chunk of my hand off while trying to clean off my car, then having to cancel my surgery because of a stupid f*cking rule that doesn't offer people with any support system an alternative solution, to then developing the very next day the shit going on with my eye. Which is driving me absolutely f*cking batty. Seeing floaters and flashes of light constantly isn't helping my f*cking mood at all. It can take up to 6 f*cking weeks for it to subside. Oh f*cking joy.

Logically, I know that shit happens, and this is just shit, but it's a lot to digest in 10 days. One of my customers husband is a Dr at the local hospital where my surgery was going to take place. I spoke to him this morning as he was home, and he offered to find out what happens in situations like mine and to see if there is something that can be done. He KNOWS I need the surgery as my hands are getting real bad.

Just depressed and sick of hurting throughout my entire body. I don't think that there is a spot that I don't hurt, with all of my injuries and health conditions. f*cking sucks to get old!!!!!

 

[Mim28]

Just feeling like I'm falling down the rabbit hole. Or getting sucked down into it. With all of the med...

I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I hope you feel better soon

 

[mamachick]

So sorry...(((hugs))) if ok

 

[ladee]

@She Cat , we will just be there together then! Haven't jumped off in the rabbit hole but have been circling it this past week.
My body pain is more managable from starting pain managment...But haven't had a bad fall in awhile either..
So sorry that from your hair roots down,everything hurts. Been there so many times.
I hate having to moniter every word when I am like this. Was so rude to someone I care about...so had to take time to best my ass up for awhile. Apologized but still feel like shit.
I have lost a lot of time this past week.
So if you can bring the coffee I'll bring snuggly blankets and Kleenex.....and well just stay there until we feel like putting our big girl panties on and doing it all again.
Hope you get some answers and feel better soon!
If we both end up in the rabbit hole maybe it won't take as long because e won't be alone.
Gentle hugs.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@ladee Coffee pot is on, just waiting for the Kleenex, blankets and you! Mostly what's getting me, "I think" is the pain throughout my body. Since falling the Fibromyalgia has flared, and I have several,other conditions where pain is chronic. When you deal with pain, everyday, day in and day out, it's just hard to keep dealing with the additional shit that comes your way.

I know that, this too shall pass, eventually. I'm just in so much pain physically that it affects the emotional shit too.

 

[ladee]

Yes. The pain wears me out. Takes my coping skills to the edge.
I do not have Fibro so can only imagine how worn out and distressed you are.
Does any self care help? I only know about Fibro from what I have read. I need to educate myself further on this.
Just know I am there in spirit. I talk to myself all the time. Just pretend I am there and looking you in the eye and hearing everything you are saying.
Hoping today is a little better
Thinking of you. Gentle hugs for the mind body and spirit.

 

[The Albatross]

"Logically, I know that shit happens, and this is just shit, but it's a lot to digest in 10 days." Yup.

"I know that, this too shall pass, eventually. I'm just in so much pain physically that it affects the emotional shit too." Yup, yup, yup.

Very hard to be in a tough place for even the best, glad you are giving it a voice.

 

[leelee]

Hang in there...Tomorrow is a New Day. Feel Better soon.

 

[Abstract]

So sorry to hear this. It sounds like a lot and I know you rely on your mobility to do your job. And pain is just plain exhausting. I hope they sort something out for you. Or you can somehow get someone else to help you if planned ahead. Get better soon. Sending good and healing vibes your way.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@ladee Self care for fibro does help. Warm hot baths. Using my TENS unit, which I love, lots of rubs for painful muscles, and heat & ice when needed. I have pain in at least one quadrant of my body daily, but when it flares, it feels like the entire body is screaming in pain. It actually hurts to touch yourself. I've even had flares where my skin hurt.

Got to work today, and customers side walk was icy, very icy. So when I got in the house, I told him it was icy and almost fell. He got pissy with me, so I said I could leave if he wanted. He said that was always an option. So I put on my coat and left. f*ck it. They are moving soon, so I'd lose them as a client anyways, so it really didn't matter if I quit. Got home and they called. I let it go to voice mail. They called to tell me that they felt it best if I didn't come back! Really??? I wasn't planning on coming back.

Some days it's just not worth getting out of bed......

 

[ladee]

You tried, they failed. You are home safe. Its all good.
Happy to hear the self care helps. So do one of them this evening. Thats your reward for getting out of bed!
Gentle hugs for your hurting self!

 

[Knak]

I'm just in so much pain physically that it affects the emotional shit too.

I can really feel for you - the frustration, anger, fury, hate. I hope by now it has lessened and maybe something came up that helped. You sound like a strong person, stronger than me.

Growing up I broke many bones, dislocated joints, self-inflicted bloody wounds, sometimes more so after I married a lying, gaslighting, narcissist. I am oblivious to my body and surroundings. I lived in a dream state growing up. I was neglected, physically and emotionally abused by my mother and sister, told I was guilty, told I was unable to think yet had highest test scores so I knew it was my fault. I felt guilty for being alive.

I recently lost my short term memory. I know it's from the stress of my husband and that I can’t leave him or leave the house to have a life, so it’s my fault. Since I went off hormones it's getting worse.

I had fibromyalgia for decades and now have chronic pain in both hands from arthritis, getting worse with lost strength and dexterity. Everything I do I need my hands. Surgery didn't help, steroid shots not anymore, so went on low dose of oxycodone. It helps a lot. The constant pain made me a monster and people reacted to it.

Other meds that helped: ADD meds changed my life. Baclofen for migraines. I went from 3 a month to 1 every 1-2 months. It also helps the PTSD anxiety and may help fibromyalgia. Klonopin due to panic. It's a lot of meds but made a major difference in fibromyalgia, hand pain, anxiety, ability to think and mood.

I've had light flashes and floaters but only for a day. I think they are stress related.