Just Want It To Stop

[Ptsdnsilence]

I was blown up on a foot patrol in Iraq 4 years ago and life has been so impossible it seems like since .. I never wanted to accept I have PTSD and I spend the last three years on meth and alcohol to handle my craziness... I have been clean for many many months now and even have the best woman in my life and we just got a house... But now that I am clean, it seems so much harder... She doesn't know how to deal with my PTSD and I am finally trying to get help for it for the first time... It's hard being questioned if I'm cheating or using again when I'm not, I shows signs that I am because my stress and Anxiety is out of control.. on top of that I really don't talk to anyone about it and it's eating me alive to keep shoving it down... The nightmares, so much stress and anxiety just from grocery shopping that I feel like I did 12 lines of meth and I am going to have a heart attack.. hearing people break in when nothing is happening... I'm scared I'll be like this forever and I'm scared I will lose the woman I love more then anything over this shit... Her, my daughter and her daughter are the only thing that matters to me and I feel this PTSD is trying to rip everything away from me and I don't know how to fix my self... I just wanna be normal again

 

[Opol]

Do you have a good therapist, @Ptsdnsilence? That can make a huge difference. My PTSD is from different events, but the effects are the same. I know the anxiety, fear, stress, everything you wrote about, yeah, right down to simple grocery shopping, which is a huge stressor for me, too. I've learned to only do that on a day where I don't have anything else to do. Pacing is everything. I've learned to not overload myself with responsibilities. Yes, we can't escape them, but we can schedule them so that we're not totally overloaded some days.

I wanna be normal again, too. Don't know if that's ever going to happen. Meantime, I just keep trying to learn ways to deal with the new, hated normal.

 

[Ptsdnsilence]

I have said for a couple weeks now I'll start therapy but it always gets put off for some reason, I guess I'm scared it won't really help

 

[Dususu]

A good therapist will help. That's the only thing that's kept me alive, a string of good therapists over my lifetime. And I'm 53, so I've had quite a few. Always lucked out on getting good ones. I hope and pray the same for you.

 

[Ptsdnsilence]

A good therapist will help. That's the only thing that's kept me alive, a string of good therapists over my lifetime....

Thanks, I'm so scared of losing my wife over this she is the most amazing person ever but I'm scared this will push her away

 

[Rege]

I hope and pray that if you get help, she will stay by you. If you don't get help, it could be bad. Our 15th wedding anniversary is today. If I hadn't gotten help when I did (11 years ago), I doubt we would be celebrating this today.

Hang in there. Keep being the strong person you are -- cause you are strong for being here and seeking help.

 

[Ptsdnsilence]

I hope and pray that if you get help, she will stay by you. If you don't get help, it could be bad. Our 15th wedding ann...

This is the first time I really opened up for help, I have told her all the bad that happened to me on deployment but never opened up to people with the same issues... It's werid but nice... We just had a fight but I went to the living room and found this page... Maybe I will go to the VA tomorrow and start therapy

 

[Vuvu]

I hope you go and find a good T. I started having PTSD symptoms in 2002-3, but didn't look for a therapist till 2006. Stupid, I know, but I was so scared, because I had no idea what was going on with me. This is truly a scary disorder. I was shocked when I was diagnosed, but at least it also explained what I was going through. I had to accept that I had this and that made it easier to deal with. Not easy, just easier.

 

[Ptsdnsilence]

I hope you go and find a good T. I started having PTSD symptoms in 2002-3, but didn't look for a therapist till 2006. S...

I'm just mostly scared my wife will truly never understand it, she thinks I'm using again and doing all this bad stuff when I'm not I am just losing my shit in my mind and don't know how to express it, and she does help but I know it drains her mentally and she doesn't really get it

 

[Avu]

I understand. Do you think your wife would be willing to come on here and get support from the supporters on here? There are many.

 

[Ptsdnsilence]

I understand. Do you think your wife would be willing to come on here and get support from the supporters on here? There...

I honestly don't know I try to hide it so much from her now because like I said I don't want.to push her away with it

 

[Keduza]

So she doesn't know what you're suffering from? Personally, I think she deserves to know and if you're willing to get help, that should reassure her. And I suspect she already knows you're having problems.

I tried the hiding bit. Didn't work for long. I'm not a good hider, lol. My husband knew I was having problems before I got help. It was obvious. He has been very supportive ever since. I hope and pray the same for you and your wife.