Publicly confronted about service dog. a disability isn't fake just because it's invisible. (vent)

[lostforgottensoul]

That's all fine and well in theory, but in practice unless you have some way to avoid it it's not that simple.

I'd add, it spikes my anxiety BADLY when I am faced with confrontation. BADLY! So now i have a symptom spike, my dog is going nuts trying to alert me so now i have to deal with him and ignoring is out of the question with a symptom spike.

People just need to stop asking and just ignore the team. Would I approch anyone else and start asking very personal questions about their health (and other things)? It's just horrible all around.

I want to be treated as any other in that location. That's all i personally want. Not sure about other teams as i can only speak for myself.

 

[desiderata310]

Stop. It distracts them, badly in my case (at the moment), from them doing their task (job/service) and takes focus off of me and it's sometimes hard to regain that focus

Yep. pretty much. Of course, I also tend to think of my SD as an extension of me in the same way that someone with mobility issues would think of the wheelchair or using a cane as an extension of themselves. Would you go over and grab their cane from them when they were leaning on it? Would you start pushing someone's chair around without being asked? um, probably not. The dog is a durable medical device. Yeah, it's cute, and furry and makes you just want twu wap yuwr awrms awound hem and giwb hem a big owld hug. but what if, in that moment, he needed to be focused on his job and he didn't catch the signal that the owner was about to have a seizure or fall, or whatever? In my case, I might have a panic attack or a flashback. best case scenario, you ruin my outing and my day. Worst case? I have a VERY bad day and get a ride in an ambulance and a costly couple of hours at the ER. And why? because someone just HAD to interact with my dog.

I can hear the arguement 'but he's a SERVICE DOG he should ignore....' dude. 1. it's a DOG. A really well trained dog but still a dog 2. how well can you focus when someone is standing all up in your grill talking baby talk at ya? Probably not very well is my guess. (I know I can't)

It seems harmless, I get it. But he isn't arm candy and he isn't there to be my buddy. It's not fun to take him with me. It's actually a lot of work.

As far as not answering questions that are intrusive. Come on, when someone asks you something and you're going to be standing in close proximity for 5-10 minutes you can't just stand there and ignore them and for me? this might be the extent of my human interaction for the day. While I don't want to answer the question I also don't want to spend my only interaction for the day acting like a complete cow. Besides, when you become a SD handler you go in with the knowledge that you're going to have to educate those around you about service animals. Doesn't mean that we are going to be prefect and educate all the time or even feel like it.

So, (I know I sound preachy and I don't mean to be but yeah...) please. Admire from afar, go snuggle a shelter dog that needs a friend and please, let me get my milk unmolested so I can get home and watch x-files.

ETA: instead of saying OH What a beautiful dog, can I pet him. (seriously I'm starting to get a complex that the dog is that much prettier than me) say, DAMN, that's a cool sweater. Can you believe how cold it is? Do you really like that brand of pizza? I've never tried it. ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING to make me feel like a normal person. I will be high fiving and hugging you in my head.

 

[Kefira]

ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING to make me feel like a normal person. I will be high fiving and hugging you in my head.

I have actually responded before to "That's an awesome shirt!" with "Oh, he knows" (my stock response to "What a pretty dog!") without thinking because it is legitimately all I ever hear, ever, unless someone is asking me a question about him.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

. Besides, when you become a SD handler you go in with the knowledge that you're going to have to educate those around you about service animals. Doesn't mean that we are going to be prefect and educate all the time or even feel like it.

YES!!! God did I not know until I took it on. I always ignored service dogs and respected them but had NO CLUE how many don't.

In ADA law, he is my medical equipment. Furthermore, in Florida law, he still is as service dogs in training are seen and treated as service dogs.

I was just thinking on the way home that this is SO one sided. We spent millons of hrs training (which is VERY difficult, constant, non-stop, every waking hour training which is insanely hard on the chronic pain but I need him so I am dedicated), or thousands of dollars to make sure that they are properly trained just so to blend in as much as possible. [ETA: Also, service dogs are in training for life. They do reach a point where they are service dogs and no longer "in training" but training never ends. Therefore, you could potiently set us back in training, a lot. Especially if it's a new task]. To ask any dog to ignore EVERYTHING around them and focus soley on me goes against their instinct really so it's really rigerous training. So that you can enjoy your meal without my dog approching on it, but in return we much always be approached and invaded and just insanity. Like, I spent all of this time and money (as owner training isn't free and I have about $500 into it), to make sure everyone else is very comfortable with us being there but yet you make me feel the most uncomfortable you can. It just isn't fair. I get uneducated people but education is one thing but just rudeness is a total other.

ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING to make me feel like a normal person.

YES! That's why he is with me, so I can actually function in the world at least a little bit. Make me feel like I actually belong there and that I am just like any other human in that location. If not then why bother going out of my house at all? He can alert my to anxiety and seizures (for a sezuire alert dog) at home.

It's just so....ugh!

 

[Kefira]

Since we're weighing in on the petting issue, I'll throw in my couple cents too:

A lot of handlers who don't allow petting, it's because of the distractability of the dog. The dogs have been trained to ignore other people, and to only seek attention from their handler, because they need to be focused on their handler. If someone pets my dog, there's a reset period, and they can also learn to seek attention from the public, which is not only very poor behavior that could require retirement depending on the level of the acting out, but could put the handler in danger. This could be either because the dog provides guide/mobility tasks, in which case learning to go away from the course in hopes of petting could cause a serious accident, or because the dog might miss an alert and the handler could suffer a medical emergency as a result.

Additionally, you have to understand that there are dozens of other people who want to pet the dog too. If we stopped and let everyone who asks pet him, we'd never be able to do an errand in under an hour. I'm not that social, and it's just an invasion of space when it's consistent. Plus if you agree you don't know how much longer that person is going to keep you from going on with your day, staying in your space, or what invasive questions they might feel entitled to ask now that you're captive.

Being asked all the time gets really annoying, and it also draws attention to an assistive device, which is uncomfortable. You wouldn't go up and ask someone about their wheelchair or cane. It's the same knee-jerk reaction that someone has brought attention to your disability.

I also, and I think a lot of handlers are this way (I see @desiderata310 mentioned it while I was typing), process my SD as an extension of myself, because he does things I can't do for myself. If I wouldn't be comfortable hugging you I am even less comfortable with you touching my SD, who I literally rely on to be able to function day to day in public.

The shoe explanation here: Service Dog Etiquette for Dog Lovers is one of the more relatable things I've seen for the average person to understand.

Just ignore service dogs.

I really don't understand why this is so hard.

 

[Kefira]

in return we much always be approached and invaded and just insanity. Like, I spent all of this time and money (as owner training isn't free and I have about $500 into it), to make sure everyone else is very comfortable with us being there but yet you make me feel the most uncomfortable you can.

There's this weird dichotomy, I think especially for early trauma people with service dogs. At least I've observed the following: we learned to be small and invisible and take up no space, and we learned that other people were always going to take our space and safety and we couldn't say anything about it.

Then you get an SD, and you can't be invisible/blend in, and you take up at least twice as much space. I will not always be physically able to be out of the way, even though we try our best. So you have to manage that. And suddenly you're responsible for your partner's safety, not just yours. I've watched people who would freeze up and never have said anything if someone yelled at them or put hands on them flip out on someone who even might be a threat to their SD. So there's this carving out of space that happened, at least for me where you learn you deserve to occupy the same space as everyone else, not only that but you have a legal right specifically protected because of your medical equipment. Which is such an empowering thing to internalize. And yet at the same time you have even more people who feel entitled to be in your space, pet your dog, heckle you as you walk by, or talk to you than ever before, and are more at risk of overt discrimination.

I'm not sure how to communicate this well, but it's one of the strangest things I've had to process psychologically in our transition to being a team.

 

[desiderata310]

ok.. ok.. ONE MORE story and I will quit. Or maybe not but I'll quit for now.

I had to step over to the UU to get a cup of coffee. it was PACKED. I mean ridiculously busy BUT I had Charlie and it was a good day and I stood in the f*cking forever line and grabbed my cup all while warding off the attentions of other people, keep Charlie leaning against me and/or lying in front of my to give me space. We'd made it through. I was home free and some dips hit barely 19 yr old starts BARKING at us. Normally, I would just keep going but you know what? I WORK at that university and I'll be goddamned if I'm going to let some pea brained shit head think that it's EVER ok to make barking noises at a woman or her service dog. EVER.
I whipped around, dog and coffee. And eye balled the little shit. "No. that is not ok"
"aw man, I was just saying hello"
"No, what you were doing was a federal offense."
"geeze man, I was..."
"you were just being a little douche bag and distracting a service dog. Grow up and act like you're in college"
Whipped back around and surveyed the stunned crowd (I am in this area frequently so lost of the kids recognize us)

Most. satisfying. coffee. ever.

 

[desiderata310]

@Kefira I think we are kind of talking about the same thing in a way.

I don't usually act like that. USUALLY I try to take up less space even now, if I am by myself I still shrink down and try to take up less space. In a way, Charlie is teaching me to take MORE space, or at least, take the space that is mine to take. For a while it was hard to use him to block because that went against that idea that I needed space and that I have a right to personal space. I know I can't ask for it when I am by myself but there's something very empowering about having him there. He's not going to fight for me but he's going to stand there like a big lunk and make everyone walk a little further away from me.

Just like the story I just told above! I would have kept moving any other time. ANY other day but that day, that kid, and Charlie? yeah. Nope. not happening man. You f*cked up and I'm not going to let you get away with it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Charlie is teaching me to take MORE space, or at least, take the space that is mine to take.

Yes! That!

I do try to shrink, tuck Chopper, he's learning "between" (sitting between my legs) to take up one standing space) but blocking was the one. The one where I could at least say "this here, this is MY space". We haven't done much public access and just getting into that now but the amazing empowering that this gives you. It is just that, amazing!

Or even just him at my side in heel. Just about 6 months back, I fully disocissated in walmart and found myself huddled in the bathroom floor saying "please dont hurt me" having no clue how I got there, because two people back to back hit my shoulder, like sandwitched almost. Today, you can't do that as you would trip over my 80 lb pitbull service dog in training.

We are only about 2 months into training and being a team but this has been so amazing for me even this early in, let alone the tasks I plan to teach him in the future, that I could never put it into words.

I'm sorry, I totally hijacked your thread @Justmehere . I'm shutting up now.

 

[joeylittle]

I am really curious as to why some people don't want their service animals petted. I'm one of those who often asks to pet the dog.

I don't have a service dog. So, this is just me speaking from an animal behavioral perspective - if it's a helpful way to think about it, for you (or anyone). And if not, please ignore me :)

An animal lover will always have an instinctive desire to connect with the animal; and dogs are so wonderful to connect with. You (general-you, not specifically you) want to pet the dog because it will give you a little gift, in that moment. I'm not saying "selfish, selfish, bad!" - I'm saying, it's a happy-making moment, to get to connect with the dog.

The dog has been trained as a working dog. So, no matter the breed, it's in the dog's DNA to want to please. Dogs in training won't be as chill about it as well-trained, seasoned dogs. But they all are interested in giving whatever, when they are asked.

The dog already has a full-time job - and they do know who they work for. They know - or are in the process of learning - that there is one person they truly listen to, and one person only. Their handler.

When you (generic you again, not you-you) make eye contact with the dog, and the dog can read the interest and attention in your face - the dog wants to give you what you want. And, the dog also wants to do their job. The end result is - you are giving the dog an irreconcilable conflict, which is probably not so pleasant for the dog. Depending on the level of training, it is easy or hard for them to reject that happy eager human face. But either way, a distraction is happening. And that happy eager human face thing will repeat itself over the course of a day out working many, many times.

I actually get a very strange jolt of happy whenever I have the opportunity to notice a service dog and be extra good about not creating a problem for the dog. I watch them in my periphery, and am so frankly awed by just how awesome they are.

@Justmehere - you handled that situation like a rock star. I think @Kefira's thing about keeping the ADA legal contact info business card (if I understood that right) might be something you should co-opt; just for those times when anyone is trying to give you grief - you can give them the card, and tell them to call and register a complaint. Such a thing would probably stop a "do-gooder" up just enough to make a graceful exit, mic-drop style.

 

[desiderata310]

I actually get a very strange jolt of happy whenever I have the opportunity to notice a service dog and be extra good about not creating a problem for the dog.

@joeylittle This is just another reason I think you are a wonderful person.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

thing about keeping the ADA legal contact info business card (if I understood that right) might be something you should co-opt;

Question (though not directed at me, I was thinking about buying them as opposed to the bulky printed laws). Co-op as in your personal team info?

I ask as they sell them on amazon.