C
ConfusedAndLost87
I saw a post here similer to mine. I don't know much about PTSD, but I worry that I might have it? For a while, I've been losing things and can't find them. I just had them and it's suddenly gone. It's happing in my own home. It makes me worry a lot. What is going on? Am I eating them? Am I flushing them? Am I tossing them out? With out any memory, like a zombie? Because they're gone! Seriously though, is that possible? I'm so confused. And to make things worse every time my family loses something, I'm blamed for it or atleast asked(even over the stupidest items I don't use or even know of) When the toilet is clogged, I'm accused of flushing something down it even more cause I accidently flushed a pad down the toilet one year and didn't remember, but that's back when I used to work and had to wake up super early. I would fall asleep on the toilet, the shower. Put my uniform on over my pjs, "lose" and panic over my purse when it's actually over my shoulder. I thought it was just because I was half asleep. I unfortunantly lost my job 2 years ago.
Right after losing my job, my cat of 17 years fell deathly ill and had to be put to sleep. I wanted to run away or die I was so upset. My dad soon blamed me for losing my job and now I officially hate him. I lost my job because the bus stopped going to my location. I cannot drive due to my disability. I didn't ask to have epilepsy. I did nothing wrong.
Then last year this misplacing paranoia begins. I lost some craft jewelry I made sure to tell myself to keep my eye on laying on my messy desk. When finishing my project, I went to grab the jewelry - only to find out that one of the important pieces went missing. I turned my room upside down looking for it to no avail. That night my stomach was hurting me. I was still frustrated over the missing piece. And I wondered - uh oh, forein body! I was puzzled. Thinking and pacing back and forth. "It sat next to my allergy pills, maybe..no! I would of noticed that! Maybe not....no, it's plastic, I would of choked...it wasn't that big. Oh no what the hell do I do?" To embarrassed to tell my parents, and no transportation , I called 911 when they were asleep. They gave me an x-ray and said they didn't find anything and the pain was caused by a urinary tract infection. But they said not all plastic shows up on scans and to check feces for blood or object. I haven't seen anything wrong.
Ever since this incident I've remained worried. I misplace/lose things all the time and I feel so lost, powerless, confused. I don't feel like me anymore. I'm always feeling sad. The thoughts of the items that went missing bother me so much. I wanted to end everything, so last week, one night, I sat outside to smoke a cigarette...and to also plan how to end my suffering. I walked up to the kitchen knifes, crying, about to stop it all. 29 years of living with my parents. Dealing with medical issues. Not being able to find a job. The death of family members. I can be at peace with them.- but I couldn't. My 2 year old niece saved me. I couldn't leave her. What would she think of me?
Can anyone tell me what's wrong with me? Are my fears true? Is there treatment for this condition? I thought about seeking therapy, is that ok?
Right after losing my job, my cat of 17 years fell deathly ill and had to be put to sleep. I wanted to run away or die I was so upset. My dad soon blamed me for losing my job and now I officially hate him. I lost my job because the bus stopped going to my location. I cannot drive due to my disability. I didn't ask to have epilepsy. I did nothing wrong.
Then last year this misplacing paranoia begins. I lost some craft jewelry I made sure to tell myself to keep my eye on laying on my messy desk. When finishing my project, I went to grab the jewelry - only to find out that one of the important pieces went missing. I turned my room upside down looking for it to no avail. That night my stomach was hurting me. I was still frustrated over the missing piece. And I wondered - uh oh, forein body! I was puzzled. Thinking and pacing back and forth. "It sat next to my allergy pills, maybe..no! I would of noticed that! Maybe not....no, it's plastic, I would of choked...it wasn't that big. Oh no what the hell do I do?" To embarrassed to tell my parents, and no transportation , I called 911 when they were asleep. They gave me an x-ray and said they didn't find anything and the pain was caused by a urinary tract infection. But they said not all plastic shows up on scans and to check feces for blood or object. I haven't seen anything wrong.
Ever since this incident I've remained worried. I misplace/lose things all the time and I feel so lost, powerless, confused. I don't feel like me anymore. I'm always feeling sad. The thoughts of the items that went missing bother me so much. I wanted to end everything, so last week, one night, I sat outside to smoke a cigarette...and to also plan how to end my suffering. I walked up to the kitchen knifes, crying, about to stop it all. 29 years of living with my parents. Dealing with medical issues. Not being able to find a job. The death of family members. I can be at peace with them.- but I couldn't. My 2 year old niece saved me. I couldn't leave her. What would she think of me?
Can anyone tell me what's wrong with me? Are my fears true? Is there treatment for this condition? I thought about seeking therapy, is that ok?
