Relationship Ptds Breaking Family Apart

[Eva anamarie]

Va recommended I try this site, so here I am. Praying I get advice.

My spouse is former marine, 2 tours in Afghanistan. Diagnosed with 60% PTSD.
In the last year I have seen him spiral out of control. He does things that make no sense, always angry, self abuses, leaves home for days, he will sleep in parks, side or roads, or go and lock.himself in a hotel room and spend all money we had set aside for bills. he blocks himself out to a point where it takes me days for him to actually listen to whats been said, it's like he hears one thing and he gets stuck there and doesn't hear full comment..
He keeps his clothes in a sea bag in garage like he is always prepared to leave..
Always on guard, whether it's because we walk into a new place, or if I adress something. Like he living in fight or flight mode 24/7, from everyone and everything. It's to where no matter what he says or does, he doesn't ever show any emotion, just numb, absent. He never smiles. He always tired, sleepy. His words are always "what's the point" "this will never get better" "I'm worthless " "you better of without me" or the typical degrading me. It's always one or the other depending on what day it is.
I'm worried and scared for him, I have tried everything I can to try and help but it's not doing much. After 4 years I was able to get him to VA but once there ,it has left him more hopeless than ever. Is this what people experience with ptsd? Any one else in my shoes? If so, any advice? This is breaking our family apart, please help.me understand.

 

[caligirl03]

Yes, your story sounds like a page right out of so many people's books, and I think you will find a wealth of information and support here. Just know you're not alone. Big hugs.

 

[Hope69]

I'm sorry you are going through this. There is helpful information here and on the web about how PTSD affects the brain as well as moods and perceptions. That being said, it is important for you to have support as a partner, and your partner doesn't seem to be able to give you any. So I would say, take care of yourself, set healthy boundaries, and hopefully encourage him to seek help, because without his willingness to seek help, it will be difficult to recover.
The 3rd phase of clinical studies at MAPS using MDMA will be underway and they have good results. That may seem radical, but I think they do good work. There is EMDR, group support, medication, medical marijuana that some find helpful. Regarding any meds, however, they are not therapy and that is essential.
Best of luck

 

[Amack]

@Eva anamarie

Yes. Mine....my husband is in the emergency response for over 17 years. Everything you described he has done even down to the bug out bag..... I will say from my own experience when he is not in counseling he spirals! Even while on meds, he is on 4 different meds., for him, the meds w/o therapy do NOT work. My research and experience with PTSD for the last 5 years, but really he always had it just managed it well for a good number of years..., is that PTSD sufferer must seek help and work through the trauma. What this may look like for your husband could be completely different from mine.

For instance, mine hates EMDR it was a nightmare. CBT has been a better fit for him along with a support group. Now, with that said, it is up and down when PTSD symptoms are out of control. My husband currently is spiraling. He took 3 months off of counseling. He does really bad during the Holidays. So, my advice would be to GET support for YOU!!! This can take you down. Read, Read, READ...... articles, books and this website.....read the diaries read comments. You will begin to feel NOT alone. You can do this. As long as we are not at risk for harm we can handle a lot more than we realise. Not saying put up with bad behaviour, but learn what PTSD is and CPTSD so that you can understand it better.....!! Good luck, I hope you find friends on here too!

 

[Amack]

@Sweetpea76 you may have some great input here.......
Always love your wisdom and wit

 

[Eva anamarie]

@Eva anamarie

Yes. Mine....my husband is in the emergency response for over 17 years...

Thank you so much! Reading your response gives me hope in knowing that I am not the only one going through this and that what I am observing and hearing from.husband is "normal behaivor for ptsd". It gets hard and sometimes I question if it's his ptsd or is it that he just doesn't care to take care of family? Your response reassures me. I get so drained and stressed that sometimes I feel it's better to walk away. I will read more about it and hopefully learn how to handle things in a better way.

 

[Sweetpea76]

It sounds like untreated PTSD for sure. Was the VA able to get him into any kind of therapy? Or did they just throw meds at him? They suck for that.

 

[Amack]

You are welcome @Eva anamarie that is what we are all here for (I believe)

I am surprised that the VA was not more help. Glad to know they suggested this website!! I know some VA are better than others depending on the state. Our city is one of the biggest in our state and our emergency response PTSD help is a JOKE! I have had to intervene to get the help he needed most times....I did all the research for every facility he went to and sought out counselors to better fit. It was a nightmare getting to the place we are at today. At least now we have such a plethora of information for others, to share...... he struggles now mostly due to his own neglect of therapy.

Praying you find all you need and that locally you will be able to receive the help on all levels you will need. Meanwhile, this place has been a life saver many a day!! To re-fuel, re-focus and keep going...... yOU are NOt aLONE!!!

 

[Eva anamarie]

It sounds like untreated PTSD for sure. Was the VA able to get him into any kind of therapy? Or did...

Untreated. 4 years I've been trying to guide him twds help. His mentality has always been of "no one cares" "I'm not some crazy" and to top it off a Doctor he saw said "ptsd only gets worse, never better" so after an extreme episode over holidays, he agreed to go into hospital so I took him. There they schedule an appointment to see psych. He was a little motivated and a bit hopeful but he admited he was scared. He asked me to support him aND stand by him 100% to where he wanted us to talk to psych together. Drove an hr to hospital, she calls him in and closes the door without allowing me in. He walks out 20 mnts later, angry at his psych for not allowing me in and because he kept saying "you need to talk to her, she knows better than anyone how I get" psychiatrist said " I don't want distractions" well he gets to car, starts screaming at me, hitting car, and walks off. After 5 hrs of him walking in rain, I was able to convince him to get in car. As soon as we got home he takes meds and throws them away, saying how she gave him meds without really hearing him out, how he filled out a questioner as she filled out prescription.
So here I am again, searching for him at parks, bridges etc because he still going through something that got triggered that day, no meds, and wondering how am I going to get him to feel some hope again, that this can get better. I called va and well, either he goes to ER or waits till nxt month for follow up. In nov a psychiatrist recommended PRNS but it never went through...

 

[Amack]

@Eva anamarie I believe there are some great emergency places....Sounds like you guys got ahold of the atypical bad Psychiatrist (sorry they ARE NOT My FAV) psychologist all day long but, we need both. I don't want to overwhelm you but research for both!!! He was just dealt a shit hand with that psychiatrist. Would he be willing to try something? You may email me if so......its for VETS only.... I dont think we can post links on here but if you think he would be willing to go its free......

 

[Amack]

^^^I only say this bc it seems a bit dire and expedient. My first responder was allowed to go but he was one of the first.......it was the best of all treatment centers.

 

[Sweetpea76]

They usually have a prescribing doc and a therapist... sounds like he got ahold of a prescribing psychiatrist who was just there to get him on the meds, then he probably had to wait to see his, what my vet loving says is his head-shrinker.

The problem is it's hard to get appointments with the therapist. Really hard. There is a shortage.