Returning To Work And Feeling Vulnerable

[Michelle3477]

I was raped by a colleague from work. I reported it last year and had a very difficult year during the investigation. It didn't go to court because it was eight years ago and although there was evidence beyond probability it wasn't beyond reasonable doubt. No action was taken against the perpetrator and no action plan was put in place to protect us both at work. Today, is the first time we have seen each other at work and he walked up to my table as if to intimidate me, then walked away. I was with colleagues so he knew just how far to go. This led to a panic attack and I came home early. The problem is I don't think I can return to work because I feel so vulnerable. As anyone else had similar experiances???

 

[Michelle3477]

Further to the above, I have had 24 years in this job and don't want to walk out with nothing!

 

[Powder]

This is a horrible situation. You must talk to Human Resources. Don't walk with nothing. File a work complaint. Do you have unions where you are?

 

[Muted]

I completely understand the vulnerability @Michelle3477 . Does the perpetrator still work there?

 

[Michelle3477]

Yes he does.

 

[Suzetig]

I would think your workplace would move one or other of you to a different team or department? Have you been able to talk to them about how they expect you to respond if he approaches you?
How did you cope between the rape happening and you reporting it? It sounds like you might have worked around him for a long time after the rape?

I guess the difficulty is that your employer has a duty of care to you both and he hasn't been convicted of anything so they need to treat him in that way, regardless of what the management team might privately think. Can you explore options in terms of redeployment or transfer?

 

[Michelle3477]

He has been moved but he can come back anytime without any warning to where I work which he did yesterday. We were actually married at the time of the rape but I then left him. It was difficult to report it then so I kept moving departments to avoid him. No one knew so he didn't bother me but I now fear him because I have stood up to him and reported him. I did this last year after feeling guilty because he went on to assault his newest wife. She retracted her complaint against him. Hence, he got away with it again.

 

[digger]

Have you looked into the possibility of getting a restraining order?

 

[Michelle3477]

No because he is clever like yesterday he headed towards me, then veered off to the water fountain. I have only bumped into him once since the investigation but I now fear it happening again when I'm on my own. God knows what he would have said or done if I was on my own!

 

[Suzetig]

I think the domestic abuse nature of what happened makes it much worse - he's still exercising control over you long after the relationship has ended. Can you seek support from women's Aid or Safe Lives? They might be able to help advocate for you in your workplace - I also know of free legal support for women who have experienced domestic abuse if you're in Scotland.

 

[Michelle3477]

I'm In England but thank you kindly.

 

[Suzetig]

I did this last year after feeling guilty because he went on to assault his newest wife.

This guilt isn't yours, you couldn't have stopped what happened to her - he is solely and entirely responsible for her assault.

You just now need to do the thing that keeps you safe and yes, reporting it may well have prompted him to be back around you because you've rattled his cage. Do chat to women's Aid - they'll understand the law in England better than I do but coercive control is an offence, even after the relationship ended. Keep a note of his interactions with you along with why, at the time, they felt intimidating. You can use that in discussions with your boss or for legal action down the line.