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I don't want to exist anymore.
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Don't Belong Anywhere
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Plant with no sunshine or water =dead plant.
Friday
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Plants just look dead in winter.
No sunshine. No water. Just twigs left above ground. Not even that, sometime. Buried under feet and feet of snow. Ravaged by storms. Freezes. Grazers desperate for any show of green. Their life is just pulled to their core, is all. Held within until the thaw. And then shazaam. A blush of color. A rush of growth. A swelling twig. Not quite dead, yet? Wick. Furthest thing in the world from dead. Just waiting, is all.
Spring growth comes slowly. Rush too fast and the first cold snap will kill them, unprotected. They need the winds to blow them over and make them strong, and much much else. And that takes time. Weak boughs will break. They need the strength time gives them. The slow pace. A desert explodes in life after rain, and then almost as quickly vanishes. But the winter garden is patient. It's not dead. It's not weak. It's waiting.
No sunshine. No water. Just twigs left above ground. Not even that, sometime. Buried under feet and feet of snow. Ravaged by storms. Freezes. Grazers desperate for any show of green. Their life is just pulled to their core, is all. Held within until the thaw. And then shazaam. A blush of color. A rush of growth. A swelling twig. Not quite dead, yet? Wick. Furthest thing in the world from dead. Just waiting, is all.
Spring growth comes slowly. Rush too fast and the first cold snap will kill them, unprotected. They need the winds to blow them over and make them strong, and much much else. And that takes time. Weak boughs will break. They need the strength time gives them. The slow pace. A desert explodes in life after rain, and then almost as quickly vanishes. But the winter garden is patient. It's not dead. It's not weak. It's waiting.
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Thank you for the kind words. I just feel like I'm on the darkest side of hell right now.
I wish I had some words to help but all I can offer is that I feel the same way.
Its very hard to trust and was told that I come off as "prickly" which makes people not like me.
Its probably true.
Hugs to you
WillyKat
Diamond Member
I've felt like that my whole life. I just spoke with my T about it last week. Fish out of water, black sheep...pick your metaphor. That's what I feel like. I've had several similar discussions with her over the years.
It's OK to be different. The problem is that our "civilization" has no appreciation for people like us that are different. Our school systems are designed to turn out rectangles, not people. If we lived in a healthier culture, we'd all be welcomed and honored.
I've grown a bit and have learned ways to accept my differences from others as an asset. But I still yearn for a tribe to belong too. This forum is a good start.
It's OK to be different. The problem is that our "civilization" has no appreciation for people like us that are different. Our school systems are designed to turn out rectangles, not people. If we lived in a healthier culture, we'd all be welcomed and honored.
I've grown a bit and have learned ways to accept my differences from others as an asset. But I still yearn for a tribe to belong too. This forum is a good start.
Tornadic Thoughts
VIP Member
Been struggling with this my whole life, too. Then, in the last two years, thanks to a medical emergency, then thanks to educating myself further on how food actually arrives on our table and what it consists of physically and energetically, I drastically changed my diet and have reaped many great rewards beyond my belief, but all it seemed to do as far as how others see or receive me, is create even more distance and awkwardness.
Who knew that finally feeling relief from so many things via the end of my fork would bring even more loneliness and create even more triggers? Seems a bit ass backwards to me, but such is life, I suppose. I tend to do a lot of deep breathing and spending time with nature and less time "peopling". It took a long while to be comfortable spending that much time with myself. May your spirits be lifted somehow, someway. Try to take good care of you.
Who knew that finally feeling relief from so many things via the end of my fork would bring even more loneliness and create even more triggers? Seems a bit ass backwards to me, but such is life, I suppose. I tend to do a lot of deep breathing and spending time with nature and less time "peopling". It took a long while to be comfortable spending that much time with myself. May your spirits be lifted somehow, someway. Try to take good care of you.
I get you... right there too....
WillyKat
Diamond Member
Just by accident, I came across a book I want to read. So note that I have not read this myself but I'm really interested in it and its pertinent to this subject. It's called Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger, published in 2016. On Amazon, its got 4.5 stars from nearly 700 reviewers.
V
Veradouglas1
Would love to talk to you. I feel exactly the same way. Like I don't belong and cannot understand anymore. The people I have trusted have been the wrong people. Do you want to connect? It would be very helpful for me to talk to someone else that's like me...
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