Don't Belong Anywhere

[jenneigh]

Would love to talk to you. I feel exactly the same way. Like I don't belong and cannot understand anymore. The pe...

If you ever need someone else to talk too, I totally get "not fitting in" and "not belonging". I'm looking to chat with someone who also feels this way. : )

 

[Slick Sparrow]

I blacked out and woke up in the hospital after I got invited as a date to a fraternity social. I sabotage...

I'm so sorry.

 

[Deleted member 38789]

I, too, feel exactly as you do. I'm not the most positive person right now, but I'd be glad to connect with you. Synopsis: For the last couple of decades, I've watched my world become smaller and smaller. Every decision has yielded bad results. cPTSD, bipolar disorder, GAD, SI and chronic physical illnesses have rendered me into a numb space oddity. After several hospitalizations, I finally became disabled on an "official" basis. My sister (best friend) died, two of my cats died, my parents died. Remaining family members are riddled with personality disorders and sociopathic deviance so I stay away. Every close friend has wrecked me & I don't even want another friend anymore. I want to write again and reclaim my spirituality but I have no energy, no sustained interest. I'm terribly depressed. If the new government revokes my safety nets and fleeing to Canada isn't an option, I already know what to do. And I'm not sticking around.

 

[catch the wind]

My heart goes out to you.I know very well all of the feelings you have expressed.I have learned this year in therapy why I have felt all my life like i dont belong,like I am a freak, why I just want to disappear.I am in the process of healing from childhood trauma.I have a great T and as I heal ,theses feelings I have carried with me my entire life are starting to go away,I feel like a bird let out of a cage. Please please ,if you are not in therapy,find a T you can feel comfortable with.The more you heal, the less you will feel like hiding. As my Mom always said "It is always darkest before the dawn"There is help,there is hope.You are beautiful in your uniqueness. As for the A hole boyfriend,I had attracted many when I was younger,all of them abused me in some way like my Father had.Stay away from relationships right now,work on yourself. Otherwise you will attract what you feel inside, that is why you attracted that piece of Sht.Dont isolate yourself, it is great that you come here to express yourself.There are good people in this world and when you start to feel better about yourself,you will meet someone who cherishes and deserves you.

 

[Esterio]

I fit in no where. My oddities make me unappealing to be around. I don't want to exist.

thanks for the post 1234567891011. I feel the same and have for a long time now. I wrote a poem once it is the only one i ever wrote about fitting in. I wrote it when I was in therapy in 1999. i'm going to go and search it out. If I am able to find it i will post it. the first line is
Did you ever have a feeling that you didn't fit in. I hope i can find it has been a long time now but i still have the note book. I don't make new friends people are stand offish with me i must have a something wrong. I keep going and try to pick myself up but it is a monumental task. I hope a better time is just around the corner. thanks again for the post.
Be safe Peace

 

[Esterio]

I, too, feel exactly as you do. I'm not the most positive person right now, but I'd be glad to conne...

Moving to Canada seems to be on a lot of peoples minds right now Americans, Muslims and Mexicans. All I can say is do it the right way and you are very much welcome. we have a history of taking people in when there is trouble in the world. Peace be Safe

 

[Netsy]

Plants just look dead in winter.

No sunshine. No water. Just twigs left above ground. Not even that, so...

I was walking on a small track last week, and I was pushing my grandchild in his pram. I was in my PRESENT zone, But deep inside feeling very alone over the last few days building up and up. I took this photo of a bunch of weeds full of beautiful purple flowers. I had a moment there - it was ' These flowers are just beautiful yet they are weeds' and I wanted to share this photo to my family and friends to remind them that although we are different cultures, and different people who have lives we live day by day, they may have grown up as roses, daisies, orchards it doesnt make them different to the weeds that grow the most beautiful flowers. Weeds can be planted everywhere and survive, and that is who we are PTSD C survivors, We have to remember that we can survive and cope, our roots are stronger as we have survived storms, winds, floods and yes we are maybe weeds, but we can cope and thats a message to the people out there, hang in no matter how hard it gets, breath, go out for a walk and find a weed with flowers on to look on.

 

[Deleted member 38242]

Narcissistic abusive relationships can be damaging to the soul. He was a narcissistic jerk, and screw the cheese and the cracker what a freak of nature. Love bombing and then abuse, and public humikiation with gaskighting is what it sounds like. Horrifying to live through. I speak from experiences like this. I will never let anyone abuse me again like that. It damaged me, and part of why I'm on this site. Education about these people is important. I feel that way to most of the time. Welcome to the site, you fit right in.

 

[Usmckristen]

I deal with PTSD, from MST. I deal with all of the feelings/emotions basically daily. I go thru therapy weekly. My husband "somewhat" finally understands 8 years later. The crap i have had to go thru to get to this point is unreal. His family are basically "triggers" even just talking about them, especially being around them. basically the mentality they have. Bad BAD triggers for me. I finally seeked treatment 10 years after being raped. I found therapy, and my horse work best for me. I do have a husband, kids, and family. I just feel like always that freak, or black sheep so i just keep very self isolated. Conversation with people - i always feel like oh man i made a idiot of myself. My things that have helped me is small doses of public places, grounding technique, praying about it to myself. I took alcohol out, and have been really focusing on getting better without a crutch. I'm trying hard. Each day is a new challenge. I hope all of you can feel better slowly, find your knack or purpose. I struggle daily. Find comfort in my horse, and prayer.

 

[Usmckristen]

Also someone who treata you in that manner. You don't need that. Find support from fellow people going thru same things. Until you reach past this moment. Your better than him. Remember that! ;)

 

[Nevermore]

:hug: @1234567891011
I know this feeling too well and in it now myself. That guy really does sound like a jerk. Being treated like that in an intimate relationship is so damaging. I think that has hurt me more than some of the bigger things in my life.
I was in an invalidating relationship for years. The thought is still in me - what does that say about me that he treated me that way.
I know it says more about him, but I stayed. And stayed.
The memories still make me want to just instantly die or disappear!
I know from the past though that things can feel so dark and unchanging for long periods of time, then suddenly something or someone comes into your life and everything changes. Maybe it's just that feeling of belonging
It happens! It's better than therapy when that happens.
Hope it happens to you very soon.
Heh! Hope it happens for me too.
Just keep going. Hang in there. It's just pretty dark and cold at the moment. You're not alone.

 

[Deleted member 38789]

Moving to Canada seems to be on a lot of peoples minds right now Americans, Muslims and Mexicans. All I...

Thank you so much, Esterio. It was kind of you to respond in that supportive manner. I think highly of your lovely country and its inhabitants without a doubt. If I decide to move there, I would definitely do it the right way.

I'm sorry for hijacking this thread last week, incidentally. I was in a terrible frame of mind and couldn't think straight.

Christine