T Disappeared

[woogawooga]

I met with that T last night. I did not feel she was a match. And actually retelling her the basics of my story opened up a lot of old wounds that were healing under my actual T's care.

 

[Rumors]

Well, my therapist is not working anymore at all. I don't know how to grieve this. I don't know how...

I hope you can reframe this sentiment, "More trauma.." Something devastating must have happened for your therapist to disappear and close shop. That is NOT a norm. I realize it must be sad, hard, and scary to think about finding someone new, however it doesn't need to be traumatic.
I think I would keep the T close to my heart and say prayers that he is ok. Then, as a duty to care for yourself, move on. You simply cannot spend loads of time focusing on how traumatic it was he disappeared/got sick/died or whatever transpired. It was obviously a major catastrophe.
I hope you find someone soon that is a good fit! Perhaps they will be able to help you find out what happened to the guy and possibly retrieve your notes. Good luck.

 

[woogawooga]

Thanks for the replies. I have cried for hours. I know T would want me to get help. We were working on abandonment. I lost my pet last year. And my spouse asked for a divorce. He was one of the few constants and routine I had.

I keep hoping, probably naively, that maybe months down the road or next year T might resurface...

 

[joeylittle]

And actually retelling her the basics of my story opened up a lot of old wounds that were healing under my actual T's care.

That can happen; it might mean that you want to back up a step in therapy and do some work on the shock of losing your therapist so quickly, and not try and pick up with a brand-new person right where you left off.

I also understand trusting your gut and not thinking that person was a match. I'd encourage you to check that in a few days, see if you still feel the same way.

 

[Arebas]

Wow, that must be so unsettling. I'd feel terrible if that happened to me, I'm sorry! I guess we all have to remember that sometimes people just can't be there, even if they'd want to, and that we must continue establishing relationships and opening up to others and basically learning to trust over and over again... But it's so hard. I do think you need a bit of time to process what just happened and this new loss before you go back to revisiting all your trauma. I know we're supposed to consider therapists a bit like "tools" to help us but when they do help they are so much more than that. I'd try to find a new T just to talk about this new open wound and once you have a place and time to heal that one, then move on to where you left things. This is not one minor set back, this is a really painful situation to live through. Give yourself time and permission to feel that loss. Even if you keep the hope that yout T might return someday, he/she is missing in your life now so yeah, allow yourself that sadness but remember that they didn't chose to leave you, it just happened. You could have not changed this in any way. Again, so sorry.

 

[whiteraven]

I think T might be incapacitated. My T is not the one who informed me about this. I was told T's pr...

Wow. I'm so sorry. :-(

 

[woogawooga]

Wow, that must be so unsettling. I'd feel terrible if that happened to me, I'm sorry! I guess we all hav...

This was really helpful. Thank you. I know deep down T would not have done this willingly. If T is conscious, T is probably feeling awful for ending things this way. I hope someday maybe I will receive a letter or something as a form of closure. I am trying to imagine T in my mind, and what T would say to help me through grief.

 

[woogawooga]

That can happen; it might mean that you want to back up a step in therapy and do some work on the sh...

Yeah, I don't see how I can get back into the abandonment stuff anytime soon. I just heard back from my old T and I am going to meet with her next week sometime. We parted on good terms, even if she stopped being a good fit for me. At least she knows my back story and where my life was at when I started with my T who is now gone.

Maybe many months down the road or next year T. will open up shop again and maybe I could get closure even if just a phone call or email. I am definitely praying for T.