Is There Usefulness Of Dissociation In Therapy?

[Deleted member 35429]

I'm very high functioning outside of therapy but in session I dissociate most of the time. Much of what I read from others about this is that their therapists think dissociation is a hindrance and they spend much of the session grounding and focusing on staying present. Does anyone else think grounding is largely a waste of time for them?
I am finding it helpful to dissociate in session. For one, that foggy distant feeling makes it possible for me to tell him what I desperately want him to hear. I definitely have structural dissociation and a feeling of "her" and me, and the only way "she" ever comes out is when I'm dissociative. If I waited until I was 100% adult me, my therapist would never see 'her.' Does this make sense to anyone but me?

Recently my therapist has been able to talk to "her" when I'm dissociative and I've been so much more calm and content between sessions. For some reason adult me can't reach her. But she can be reached by my T when I'm in a dissociative state.

How does grounding help you if your traumatized parts are inside your dissociative experience?

 

[Muted]

I'm very high functioning outside of therapy but in session I dissociate most of the time. Much of what I...

This feels like a dumb question, but what exactly is grounding and how does your therapist use it when you disassociate? I disassociate, but I can't remember her ever using that word.

 

[Arebas]

My T doesn't specialize in trauma or dissociative disorders. My dissociation was a surprise for us and she's been learning to deal with it at the same pace I was so maybe this is not standard procedure. She never tries to ground me. At first we thought the "part" that needed to be present was the part that was functional and had all the information and facts and could think logically but as time went by we realised it much useful when I feel good enough to let go of that part and jump into different parts so they can all be heard. If it gets too much, I dissociate and then I don't feel much and then I can explain things with more detail cause there's no feeling blocking them so that's useful when I get stuck. But it's not helpful if I stay like that for long cause then when I'm out of it I remember how casually I spoke about everything I usually care a lot about and it hurts me.

I had a "her" part too. But my T made a terrible mistake and she died. Most of last year's therapy was trying to adjust to having lost that part. She never got to talk to her and I so wished she had. If dissociation helps you bring "Her" out, then I say keep on doing that.

Again, just my personal view on it cause I am not receiving specific dissociation or trauma therapy.

 

[Muted]

My T doesn't specialize in trauma or dissociative disorders. My dissociation was a surprise for us and s...

A part can die? I'm sorry, but I'm confused by what you mean a 'her' part. We've been working on parts too and I thought one of my parts was integrated until I 'saw' her separated from me.

 

[Arebas]

A part can die? I'm sorry, but I'm confused by what you mean a 'her' part.

How to explain... I feel like myself. But I know that before i was myself, I was different. Before all the trauma. That person I think of doesn't feel like me, it's "her". But she was stuck inside cause now I'm me and she has no real space in my adult life. I have other parts too that feel different than "her". She is mostly all the feelings that I had then that had to be locked in and not expressed. But she's not just past me cause all these years she's been there so she also kept going on in a way. Sometimes she would take over and write. I wasn't good at feelings so she would take what i was feeling and put it in words. She wrote poems. I could tell that was her and not me cause when i read the poems afterwards, I understood the images they put in my mind but never in a million years I could have put those things into words like that.
She was always in so much pain. I tried to help, I trusted my T and I wasn't too good at explaining what was happening with me and she was not quick in seeing it and eventually this "her" didn't want to live anymore. I couldn't kill myself and I had the scissors in my hand and I just couldn't kill myself so I stabbed a cushion in the couch and felt the release of all that desire to die and ... she was gone.
I haven't felt her since. My T says she's not dead but she's been with me forever and she was the only one I had when things got really hard and her not being here for a whole year when I've needed her so much and cried and begged... I really think she is dead or else she would have come back to me.
Am I making any sense?

 

[Muted]

How to explain... I feel like myself. But I know that before i was myself, I was different. Before all t...

You're making perfect sense. I couldn't feel one of my parts anymore and I thought well maybe she's integrated. I'd even mentioned that to my t. Then, one day when I was talking to my mom about something that would be upsetting to her( not on purpose) but I 'saw' her apart from me all curled up.

Then, later when my t mentioned her by name I saw her again separate from me hunched over all curled up crying. I told my t that she was grieving and then on and off and on and off I couldn't stop crying....

 

[Lissar]

I agree with you.. I don't think the dissociation is always a bad thing. I have two therapists that are working together with me, and one of them "lets" me ride the dissociation/flashbacks sometimes. My body sometimes shakes, and I often cry.. and it's only in that dissociative state that that happens. And I always feel so much better - the flashbacks and dissociation decrease between sessions. It's like there's something there that needs to come out and just can't in any other way.
I am also generally high functioning, and the dissociation is worse when I'm with my therapists. I think that says something about it needing a safe place to happen.

 

[Nessa7]

My T has described dissociation as a tool. It's a coping method that I can use when I need it, and it is something that everyone does. We never talk about it being something that I need to stop doing. Without dissociation, I wouldn't be able to feel some emotions at all, so it is something that I need to do in therapy appointments to bring things up.

We also didn't do much with grounding and staying present because I'm generally high functioning. Even though I like her approach, I think that ended up being a bit of a mistake. Once I recovered a memory that a part was apparently holding on to, I didn't have any tools to deal with it and regain control.

I think that both approaches to dissociation have a purpose, and it wouldn't work for me to only have one in therapy.

I'm a little fuzzy today, so I feel like I'm not expressing myself very well.

 

[Sideways]

I definitely agree that my parts need to do the talking during a lot of my therapy. And the ones I don't have good co-conscienceness with, I need to be disscoiated. My traumatised part is one of my littles, and she needs a lot of therapy!

But I'm also the primary driver of the train in this life, and I need therapy too. It's not all about letting the trauma out for me, but just as much about integrating what I'm learning about myself, and post-traumatic growth. I have to show up and be present for that stuff. So it's a bit of both.

As for grounding? Loads of practice while I'm NOT dissociated and it finay became helpful, and then critical, for my functioning. And at the end of a session especially- my T couldn't (and shouldn't) let me walk out of her office to drive home while I'm dissociated.