Trauma Therapy While Parenting Young Kids

[Treelight]

Anyone else trying to do this?? At times I am finding it so overwhelming dealing with triggers, therapy issues, flashbacks and small kids at home needing a present and together parent.

Trying to sort my problems out for the sake of the kids but sometimes wonder if it's just too hard to do trauma therapy because of all the mess it stirs up....

Feel so alone and exhausted.

 

[Chloe44]

Anyone else trying to do this?? At times I am finding it so overwhelming dealing with triggers, therapy issues, flas...

I know what you're dealing with. I have a 16 yr old, but he's pretty good taking care of himself, and a daughter who just turned 9 yesturday. It's extremely difficult. ..I can hardly get through a day without triggers,panic attacks. ..I feel extemely terrible that my family has to witness all this. I try my hardest to tuck the horrible feelings and thoughts away when I'm with them..and I'm so exaugsted from it all.....But stay strong, keep reaching out...we are all here for support...I care...you can do this!

 

[Shine]

OMG YESSSS.
I have an exceptional therapist who keeps it in bite size pieces. But yes some days are just too overwhelming. I set the clock. Half hour that's it. Than I ground and use tools to remain present because I disassociate bad. I stopped journaling because it was over whelming. I feared if I didn't write it down how would I remember but she assured me she could access it when needed. Now having said that this has taken all year and is what works for me. As she's an art therapist, I use art to get it out and I have yet to show her my work. What I am talking about is trusting the process. Hahaha trust yeah right, well I'm working on it. And it is pure grit .
I have 2 girls nearly 3 and 4 who were born early. My 3 Year old by 14 weeks and at 584g. We have alot of therapy and appointments to keep with no help from anybody so it's us that's it.
There are days I come close to checking out. It is very difficult but one foot in front of the other. And never never never never give up. Good luck with your journey. And when it all fails accept it for what it is.
For me I have decided that at this time I cannot address the trauma wholly but must acknowledge it in order to create a space , a place between me and it where I can live and function to the best of my ability.
So I guess my advise is speak to your therapist and see if they can help you with some strategies.
Mine started with a list I titled and discussed called 10 things I hate about you where I discussed my fear of losing control and ability to function and did she really get that all my kids have is me so be kind and really think of the consequences of her direction in therapy.

 

[Treelight]

It's so hard isn't it! Thanks for the replies. My youngest isn't yet 2 and it's such a lot to handle. I go to weekly sessions but I just dissociate so much I feel like I am wasting my family's money and my therapist's time.

I get triggered so easily in therapy, I've been high functioning in my life and just avoided all my traumas but suddenly that is not working any more.

So tired from parenting and managing the dissociation after each session. I just start to feel better and then it's time for another session and I feel caught in this endless loop of stuckness.

I hate being so vulnerable in therapy and dissociating so much feels so embarrassing!!!

Anyway. Just appreciate the support thanks a bunch

 

[mrsmegan]

Oh man, I'm right there with you.

I work full time. I have two girls, 6 and 2. And do at least 3 hours of intense therapy every week. It is exhausting.

I have found what can be helpful at times is to just slow down on life. Don't over commit. Get more than enough sleep. Lean on people where you can.

What we are doing is really hard.... Kudos to you. Hang in there.

 

[Muted]

Mine are school aged and I have gotten much worse with therapy, but I hope it gets better soon.

 

[NightSky]

Yes. I work full time and I have an 8 year old, a 5 year old and an 8 week old. I am motivated to continue the work because I want to be a better mom and wife. I struggle to stay present and resist doing anything out of our ordinary day to day life because I'm so easily over stimulated and exhausted. Starting therapy a year and a half ago hasn't made things easier. But at least I feel like I'm doing what I can to be healthy for them.
And that's what you're doing.
I know it's hard. You are not alone.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Oh wow! I'm reading all this and now wonder where I fit in.

I'm a mom of 3. 11, 9 & 7. The worst of my trauma happened when my 11 year old was grade 1.

I don't have babies any more...now I have young kids with eyes that see a lot more than I'm willing to share. I find I have to guard my feelings and pick up the pace regardless of where I'm at on any given day.

Still...an 8 wk old, 3 & 4yrs, under 2 and with PTSD? I don't know how I would manage. In some ways, I have it so much easier. Mentally hard, but at least they won't starve and all can dress and clean up.

I take my hat off to the rest of you!!!!

 

[NightSky]

Oh wow! I'm reading all this and now wonder where I fit in.

I'm a mom of 3. 11, 9 & 7. The worst of...

The 8 week old is easy. It's my 5 and 8 year old who trigger me all the time. My 5 year old is grabby and touchy and doesn't always warn me when he's coming at me. My 8 year old walks around half naked and she feels fine about it but it makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to pass my shame issues to her.
They both will startle me and I'll yell or react, and then I feel horrible.
My 8 week old is an adorable little lump who cuddles with me and makes me feel like I can actually meet someone's needs the right way.
It's all hard, just in different ways.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

The 8 week old is easy. It's my 5 and 8 year old who trigger me all the time. My 5 year old is grabby...

I completely agree. Parenting is hard on its own without adding anything else. My 7 & 9 year olds trigger me mostly, (9 yr old is a boy - can be aggressive and does the surprise attacks too) but my 11 year old brings out a lot of aggression in me (which could benefit me a ton). She is becoming a very attractive girl and is attracting a lot of attention from boys in her grade. Most of it is unwanted - but she accepts it as no big deal. I go nuts when I hear that. Those things or issues have to be dealt with but in a way that she can understand and without showing how badly I'm triggered by imagery that pops into my mind.

Right now, with so many physical limitations, I don't know how I would manage 3 babies again, (at the moment) but in a lot of ways, it was much easier to have 3 kids under 5.

 

[Leighlee87]

I'm in the same boat, and to be completely honest, I would have never had kids if I had known I would develop PTSD. I know that is terrible to say, but I really feel guilty for not being able to meet their needs.
In my case, I am lucky in that my husband's family is very involved in my children's lives, which I feel, covers some gaps where I fall short. I keep trying to tell myself that I need to get through this stuff now, so that I can be there for them later. And that, when they see me in therapy and doing all of this to heal myself, that it hopefully sends a strong lesson to take care of their own mental health/ engage in self-care/ and to reach out for help if something ever happens to where they need it.
I also hope that one day, when they are much older, I can tell them my story and maybe it will help them understand why things are the way they are.
I don't have any easy answers. I've found that cutting back hours at work, even though it causes financial strain has made a huge difference at home. Putting my youngest in full-time daycare has also helped. (It might work to hire a sitter a few hours and take that time for quiet--esp. if you can get the sitter to take the kids out). This way, I can take those hours when my children are at school to engage in self-care. Another lesson learned the hard way, is to just stop when I get really stressed or my anxiety ramps up. Instead of pushing through all of the household chores, a nice dinner, etc. it's just better to go to my room (once I have the kids distracted by something else) and just calm myself.

It's a learning process, and one filled with guilt, tbh because I'm not the parent I want to be. But I try really hard to tell myself that I'm doing the absolute best I can in the situation, and beating myself won't help the situation. I wish I had more things to say on how to help the situation, but I don't think there are easy answers. Mine are 8,6, and 3. It's easier as they get a little older, are more self-sufficient, and don't always need constant supervision, but it is still difficult.

 

[amosmorris]

I'm a bit late to this thread but wanted to just commiserate and show some support. I am so triggered by my 7 yr-old, esp (mine are 11 and 7, girls), as she's the more physically demanding of my two and also has a real nose for my anxiety levels, I think. The more anxiety ramps up, the more she seems to ask for my attention, and the more I seem to struggle with self-loathing as I get more and more anxious....ick, ugly cycle when it gets going. I find two things help: 1) I take my own time outs, privately--I'll give myself 15 mins in my room (or the bathroom) and I'll work on just trying to bring myself down...I sometimes set the timer on my phone and 2) I kind of dissociate, I guess, or detach or separate the panic inside from the voice I'm trying to project outside--so I'll listen to myself talk to them in the way I'd like to, even though that's not how I'm really feeling inside...and sometimes, as I'm a little successful "sounding" better than I feel, I find I can come down a bit in my anxiety because the guilt/shame doesn't get out of control...
I hope that helps. I don't want to simplify any of this--it's really hard--and I've been at it now for almost two years, really about 18 months dealing with my harder stuff.