C-ptsd Recovery After The Age Of 30?

[SensitiveSoul]

I've read somewhere that after the age of 30 (approx) C-PTSD cannot be cured but only managed. I suffer from C-PTSD due to childhood sexual abuse, rape, and emotional neglect. I'm 47 now and about to re-admit myself back to the mental hospital..again (5th time I believe) as my self-medicating (as I like to call it) is getting out of hand again, combined with depression and anxiety. I am so sick of therapy, talking about it, trying to live a "normal" life and most of all I'm sick of feeling not good enough due to things that were done to me. Not quite sure where this post is going, probably just a ramble really. I'm amazed that I've been able to hold onto a job during most of this. I'm tired of the loneliness, the longing for unconditional love I will most likely never experience and the victim trap I always seem to feel back into. Christmas sucked as usual cause it just highlighted what I don't have; a loving family. I did get to celebrate it with my partner yet every year I get to celebrate it I feel like an imposter and a charity case. I don't know how to find a healthy mental balance between feeling grateful for what I do have and the immense feelings of grief and anger for the things I lost or never got in the first place. I guess I'd simply like to hear from older people like myself that have been through similar experiences and your thoughts on those and how you're doing. My addictions are both a way of coping and a hindrance in managing my coping abilities. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.I have tried to stop several times, even went to a 3 month detox centre but always those underlying painful emotions pull me back into it. I address parts of the reason for my C-PTSD but I always seem to find another bit later on that I need to work on. It is exhausting and never ending..

 

[Kezi82]

I've read somewhere that after the age of 30 (approx) C-PTSD cannot be cured but only managed. I...

it actully siounds slightly like i wrote this post i'm just slightly younger
<34> i wish i had an answer but i like to think there has to be a way

 

[cptsdsurvivor]

I'm so on your side as I suffer from the same - i'm 54. I hope it helps even a tiny bit to know we know how it feels. I'm so sick of feeling inadequate, unwanted, desperate for validation and stuck, stuck in this feeling. It never goes away despite 9 years of therapy and EMDR, although the core trauma anxiety has finally gone after this work. With each success of work, a further layer of 'cPTSD' is revealed. My previous perfectionist super doing strong personality is really just a defence against these overwhelming feelings and now I have even lost that. what else is left? Previously I would sexually self harm to feel alive. Now I donlt do that either, thank fully, although that is a loss too.

I feel like i am becoming invisible like I am floating away.

But I think you may be thinking in too black and white a way. Is cPTSD, ever curable - I donlt think it is, whatever the age. After all the condition of life is not curable is it?

Who said that cPTSD is the gift that keeps on giving? how true. Eventually I do believe that you will move on, i really do

 

[watundah]

I do not agree with this line in the sand. The brain is and remains malleable throughout our lives, there is not an "off" switch at 30, otherwise, why continue education, go to therapy, or do anything past 30? In fact, the older I am, the more I appreciate the importance of relationship, foster insight, understand the bigger picture, so in many ways wisdom of maturity has contributed to my healing as I learn to look at things more smartly.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I hear ya'. I feel ya'. I'm 49 and have found comfort in various places, the least of which were insurance approved, unfortunately, and most of which are way outside of the proverbial box, but it's definitely been an ongoing journey with no clear finish line in sight. I've spent a lot of time in the space of lack and it exhausted the s*** out of me. I still struggle with trying to redirect those thoughts when they come rushing in.

What currently works for me that's proven to be attainable in my community and some even free: monthly visits (or more often if necessary) to the community sexual and domestic violence shelter's free counseling sessions, a cleaner diet, a cleaner environment (mine was a drastic change due to a medical emergency - I've since learned to keep it as real as I can, on my fork and otherwise, and have eliminated animal products - I am super sensitive to artificial anything - I barter time and help out with local farmers and such to make it more affordable), deep breathing techniques (diaphragmatic and alternate nostril & re-birthing techniques), hot baths with epsom salts and various essential oil aromas via diffusers and home made body oils (learned on you tube university how to make my own hygiene and cleaning products), daily purposeful movement on my mini-trampoline (scored on craigslist at a great price) and with my home made hula hoops (once again, you tube university taught me), time with nature be it immersed in it or viewing something about it on crappy weather days (we live in the country surrounded by forest), or tending to my plants or garden, music takes me to so many places and prompts that purposeful movement, hydration with clean, preferably alkaline rich water and herbal infusions - when I skip those first thing in the morning, I feel it, big time, and trying to rephrase my self-speak to be much kinder than what I'm used to, trying to remember that my cells are listening.

Trying to also remember that each thought and each action sends out energies that most definitely get stored and come back around. Needless to say, I spend a LOT of time alone now. I used to be much more outgoing and vocal in multiple arenas, but have found it necessary to dive much deeper within as of late. All those external expectations got too heavy to handle and I needed my home space to provide ways out without having to go out. I continue to trip over myself rather often along the way. I continue to be a damn good lesson of what not to do more so than being a solid guide of what one should try. lol At least I found one thing I'm good at and have stuck with through the years, I suppose.

I also found some other healing practices very helpful along the way and found folks willing to barter in exchange, or I likely would have never been able to try them out. Things like acupuncture, massage therapy, chiropractor (Gonstead technique), neuroptimal neurofeedback, a registered dietitian, and an iridology reading (eyes). It has taken a village to help me re-learn about myself and to feel somewhat human, that's for sure. Learning how to navigate that whole nurturing self-love arena after damn near a half-century has proven to be quite the challenge, but one worth taking on, I've found. No one ever taught me to look within, I was always taught to seek outside of self through some type of professional. I had to make healing fun and easily accessible, bit by bit, and it's taken me at least 5 years to build up this village of healers and an environment I feel mostly safe in. I'm still adding to the list as I learn of other things. May we each find our best healing grooves, and may they remain accessible.

 

[FireSign8]

Some people never find that "balance" & I happen to know that when I stopped trying to force myself into a "societal mold", I was able to accept myself & life on a moment to moment basis. I learned to love life & I was a part of life, so I was/am deserving of the love. I may never find "unconditional love" & I can only hope I have been able to give it to someone else for a short time. We humans are far from perfect. Those who abused us in the past have left a mark on us for eternity. They must have also suffered from abuse & never learned the art of healing from it.

This is just how I have come to deal with my abuse & the memories of my abusers. I grew up in a state of incarceration & later became institutionalized as a teenager. I later was incarcerated & learned what a real mental institution was. I am almost 65 years old & cannot understand why the mental health field is still trapped in the dark ages when it comes to helping people to cope with the reality of having abuse that leads to subsequent abuse from undereducated health care workers & case managers who don't have a clue what it is to live through the abuse of the system as well as the abuse from our abusers.

I think if a person never learns how to become obsessed with themselves, they can never learn to love themselves in an unconditional way because they are always trying to please other parties & "professionals". Ad in those "miracle drugs" & what chance does a person stand to gain any type of insight into their own healing process? I stopped looking for those "cures" a long time ago & that is when I started to live again & I found alternative ways to deal with my pain that did not involved having to poison my body with toxins of any kind. I proved to myself that I wasted a lot of years searching for unconditional love & it was always there staring me in the face every time I looked into a mirror!

 

[Freedomfighter]

I've read somewhere that after the age of 30 (approx) C-PTSD cannot be cured but only managed. I...

When you say you got to celebrate with your partner do you mean within a personal relationship? Are you in a relationship in which real partnership does not exist, or is the past trauma making you confused and it is tough to interact with your partner?

Just trying to gauge your stress, because all of that has happened to me in the past. I was amazed to be in a so called partnership only to realize that the person I was with was in no way interested in helping: not when I was victimized, not when I got extremely ill, he decided that it was in his best interest to simply press on with his selfishness and lies of course..... yep, and that will leave everyone pretty much in a situation that could be yours....

Sometimes it takes a life time to realize that one is with a partner that is not in the least interested in the other person, is only playing the good hubbie, pretending to be the great parent, the good friend.....

Have seen that all happen so many times..........

Glad to be rid of that one......

 

[heyheyhey]

Have you ever done any meditation? Since I've been meditating frequently and for the longterm, I just feel so much more free. Recently I had an imagine come to mind after sitting, of myself crying and in those tears I could see I was shedding away 'myself' and the past. Sounds kind of creepy lol, but it was so freeing and kind of an illustration of how I feel. What is C-PTSD? For myself it's holding onto all those pain and memories

To me my C-PTSD was kind of like keeping going down the avenues of like, low self-esteem, rage, hatred... meditation helps me to be mindful - I can see how those thinking styles make me suffer, so I choose different ones. Same with any kind of destructive action. When you aren't mindful you can only see the relief in the pleasure, but with mindfulness you see ALL of the action and it's consequences - you see the longterm suffering of doing a certain thing and because you see clearly you then start to choose differently (and same with the thinking styles) so you start to become free. It's so simple. but to just learn to become mindful of your mind, brings incredible freedom. You have the power to choose what you think (and then what you feel to some extent) and how you act - so that you choose things that bring happiness and avoid things that bring suffering.

It also helps me in that painful emotions pop up, as they do when you get triggered with C-PTSD, but they are like waves that rise and then dissolve in the water again and i still maintain a sense of peace, happiness and equilibrium. The things stay with you but they don't dominate and destroy you and cause an emotional storm of suffering that lasts days or weeks...

I think that's what recovery from -CPTSD is, it's having painful, challenging feelings pop up but it's learning to manage them so that they don't destroy you. With meditation these emotions don't really arise very often or stay for very long at all... so for you some other kind of modality may help most. But it's very manageable, all mental disorders are - there's always hope, you could be 95 and that still be possible. That 'doom' and sense of depression that you'll never get better is a symptom of your C-PTSD doomy thinking patterns.

To me meditation is like clearly up a glass of cloudy apple juice, where the sediment all sinks to the bottom - whereas without it, it's like the glass is all cloudy and all your emotions and thoughts are a big twisted, painful ball and you're just trying to navigate and get some relief but you have no idea how.

clearing up not clearly up!!*

 

[Deleted member 8714]

I'm 64 this year and feel as "normal" as the setting on my dryer. And that's as normal as I'm going to be for the rest of my life. And "normal" on my dryer can be set to "Turbo" or "Gentle" or "Normal." I stopped seeing my last counselor in 2015. I've been in therapy on and off for just over 25 years. I've managed to stay married to the same man for nearly 32 years. I never thought I'd get this far in life. I was plagued by a multitude of emotional/mental/physical problems from the abuse I suffered and the atrocities I witnessed from an early age.

I used to believe I'd never heal enough to do anything with my life besides going to therapy for ever and ever; that I'd always be dysfunctional at some level. Then one day while typing words into a story, I realized what made me the happiest was being able to express myself through the written word in any way I wished.

At age 62 during my last session with my therapist, I informed him what I wanted to do with my life. Finally.

This year I plan to launch my career in writing novels and get at least one of them published. I'll be in "Turbo" mode on the "Normal" setting in my life. I've got several finished in different genres. Possibly I'll get two novels published in two genres under different pen names.

Over the past 10 years, I prepared well for this new career by purchasing domain names (URLs) under my actual name and two pen names (which I've used in some capacity in the last 25 years). One more website is dedicated to displaying my artwork and blogging about the past abuse and current issues in my life.