Relationship Can't Help But Believe Him Sometimes

[idkhelen]

I understand how you feel, but you really, REALLY need to understand.
You can't fix him. You can suppor...

Thank you for the feedback. I want to set strict boundaries but I don't know how to go about setting them.

 

[idkhelen]

I'm also with @Casey_03 and @Friday on this. However you are looki...

Don't be sorry for being blunt. I'd prefer it over getting the sugar coat version. Appreciate the feedback! I know there's only so much I can do, and i can't help someone who doesn't want it.

 

[boodle]

Thank you for the feedback. I want to set strict boundaries but I don't know how to go about setting t...

Setting boudaries is different for everyone. Think what you are willing and unwilling to put up with. You should then discuss this with your partner, letting him know clearly so there is no ambiguity. It may be best to wait until he is in a clear and present state of mind. It may be difficult to communicate them to him when he is in triggered mode.

The important thing then is to stick to the boundaries. If he is able to cross them without you doing what you say, then he will do it again, and again.

Examples of boundaries could be, if you are verbally abused, you leave for an hour (have a shower, go for a coffee with a friend), if it continues, you leave for the day, and so on. If it by text, you don't read them for an hour and just delete them, etc. If you are physically attacked. You leave permanently, end of.

Take care

 

[idkhelen]

Setting boudaries is different for everyone. Think what you are willing and unwilling to put up with. Yo...

Thank you, that helps a lot. I'm gonna see him in a couple days, and at the moment at least from what he said, he's feeling "normal" again. Hopefully I'll be able to have the boundaries talk with him.

 

[Mytime]

I'm glad your taking the time to think about your boundaries. They are important in any relationship and sometimes hard to set. Sometimes making a list can help.
Like- 1) Your friends
2) throwing his past at you.(cheating)
3) personal attacks, ect.
I hope your talk goes well. Please keep us posted, we are here to support you. Stay true to you :hug:

 

[idkhelen]

I'm glad your taking the time to think about your boundaries. They are important in any relationship and...

Thank you so much! (: will definitely keep you guys posted!

 

[idkhelen]

So update for you guys! I talked with him about my boundaries, I told him if he starts yelling and/or cussing at me etc. that I will just walk away and leave for an hour. If we're in the car I won't talk for an hour. He seemed very understanding of it and even told me thank you for setting the boundaries. He did also tell me that, if it is ever obvious that I'm cheating, for me to leave and never come back.

 

[idkhelen]

Which I think won't be a problem, not planning to cheat.

 

[Iam43]

idk why he "hates" your friend. I never think it's good to isolate from friends. Perhaps you could incite your friends to enjoy you two together as a couple. It's never fair to pick one over the other. Very unhealthy.

 

[idkhelen]

idk why he "hates" your friend. I never think it's good to isolate from friends. Perhaps you could incite...

Well he told me that he would rather keep my friends and him in 2 different worlds. He says he analyzes people too much and it makes him see the ugly. Before he met this friend some drunk guy grabbed me by the shoulder and my vet kicked the guy out himself. From then on throughout the night he was just anxious and feeling bad. When my friend met him he noticed his mannerisms towards me (he's acts like a brother to me) and I guess he took it as flirting.