How Do You Repair Damage You've Done To Your Relationship

[Killashandra]

Hi all,

Yep its me again with wait for it...relationship issues again....:banghead:

It is 2 days away from our anniversary of our most recent D day.
1 year ago I was given the ultimatum of divorce if I didn't stop my shenanigans and deceitfulNess and lies and betrayal. I know I deserve every bad feeling I have about myself for the hurt and torment I put my husband through and I am thankful each day that he stuck around to care for me with my anxiety. I have put in a lot of work other personally and relationship wise. Maybe a little less on the relationship side than I should have, that part is actually more difficult to understand and mend than my personal work...

My husband hurts deeply and he has somewhat recovered from the betrayal, but is having difficulties in other areas...

When things started to go a bit squif, I was blaming my family... my husband and daughter have aspergers... please be nice to me kind of thing... then when we started having relationship problems I went about seeking help on how to deal with my aspergers husband.. I will make this clear HE HAS NEVER BEEN DIAGNOSED.
I thought I was doing the right thing as in previous times everything I did didn't help our relationship. Looking for answers in a different direction helped a little but becasue I disassociate and have different parts some of what I thought was asking for help was instead a vicious attack on my husband and my alters perception of his inadequacies.

We live in a small town and he is the country kid and I'm the city girl. My impression of my impact in this community is very little, yet from confidential discussions, the rumour mill has apparently been at work and husband has had a few uncomfortable social situations happen becasue of my words.

He wants to leave this town for good but is stuck here with the constant reminder that his wife some badly of him and accused him of being special...

How the hell do I fix this?? It has been a massive cause of anxiety these past few weeks and I just don't know what to do? So far the only solution is to leave my husband and daughter and let them live a life without me who isn't normal... but I can't live without my daughter, but I can't take her with the state of my mental health.. what if I disassociate against her and make her feel bad about herself.. what if I turn out like my mother? The best place would be with her father.. but I don't want to live without him either. All I have ever wished for us is to be a normal couple who enjoys time with each other, enjoys touching and laughing together... something that I don't think can ever happen not with the amount of hurt and trauma I have put him through.

What am I to do

 

[The Albatross]

Where can/will you choose to put your best efforts?

 

[Jo.27]

Hi all,

Yep its me again with wait for it...relationship issues again....:banghead:

It is 2 days...

I read your post, and I'm really trying to think about what to say to help you out in you situation. I find myself struggling for what to say though because my initial thought is that I'm wondering what it is that you may have done in the past that damaged your relationship in the first place. That part is unclear to me. Personally, I feel like if you did something to damage the relationship, then the first step to repairing it is owning that damage and those mistakes. Outright own it--step #1. Only then, by admitting the mistakes to yourself and to the world, can you begin to repair. Acknowledging the issues will help to understand them. Just my thoughts. I understand if it's too personal or too hard to do that on a message board, but at least in THIS environment we're just screen names, no faces to judge you or know who you are.