How Do I Deal With This?

[Casey_03]

You have a chance to keep your baby away from an abuser.

I guess that's what my dilemma is -- which is more likely to keep the abuser away -- appeasing him by letting him visit and hoping he'll lose interest and not want to pay the airfare to visit again, or telling him no and taking the risk of him moving the whole matter to court (in which case, he almost certainly would get more visitation rights)?

 

[ladee]

He will get weary of the visitation rights. He has not done one thing for you or Little Man. Not one.
This is a horrible situation for you Casey.
What is your guy telling you to do? Not your head or your heart...
If he does get to come..I like the women's shelter idea but he will make that into you not being able to take care is LM even tho you don't live in the shelter.
Just keep putting him off until you can make a descion.
I hate this for you. About the time things settle down you are hit with something else.
If his threats ever meant anything he could have kept you from bringing LM to the States. But not trusting him either way.
Give LM hugs for me

 

[Casey_03]

Just keep putting him off until you can make a descion.

That's basically what I'm doing for now. I told him that things are a bit up in the air and I can't say where I'll even by in the month he wants to visit. Which is true, I really don't know what city I'll be in by then. I'm hesitant to just say "no" because I know how he has responded to that in the past -- by escalating and hiring a lawyer. So I guess I will just have to hope he backs off when he sees I really don't know where I'm moving to.

 

[ladee]

Lets hope so..and do you know for a proven fact he had gotten a lawyer before? Or did he just tell you that?.
And that lawyer may have laughed in his face..may have told him he didn't have a beggars chance In hell To do what he's threatening.
He may have lied to you to make you believe he dropped it...and may not have ever had a lawyer to begin with.
I do understand your fears.
It wouldn't hurt to talk to a lawyer tho..so at least You will know what you can do.

 

[Casey_03]

@ladee I don't know for a fact that he got a lawyer, but he was sending me legal docs that seemed to have been drafted by a lawyer. He could have been bluffing, but I have no real way of knowing. I did talk to a lawyer and was told only that if he does push to prove paternity, he could very easily get visitation rights, and his visitation may involve taking the baby with him to the UK (though that depends on the judge).

Honestly, I assumed that once I moved back to the States, he would lose interest. But that doesn't appear to have happened.

 

[ladee]

Ya. That would be up to a judge to decide if he had to stay stateside. Another reason to keep documenting. A judge will look at that as a mom that's afraid she will loose her baby to a lunatic.
He may still loose interest. Doesn't mean he gets to harrass you in the meantime.
Save the emails..all of them. Even if he's nice. We know that doesn't last long. Has he even asked for a picture?

 

[Casey_03]

He has asked for pictures. And he wants to visit specifically for little man's first birthday. But it's hard to believe he cares when he hasn't sent little man any gifts or anything, not even for Christmas. He's never even made an attempt to.

 

[ladee]

I know it's hard to move on with him in the background, never knowing when he's going to pop up his Medusa head.
I hate this for you Casey. What month is the baby's birthday?
Its hard. But you have kept LM safe..and I know you will run to the ends of earth to do what needs to be done.
Wonder what he would do if you changed emails and phone numbers?

 

[Casey_03]

So he just sent me an email with a photo (from Google maps) of the house I live in, along with the caption, "How's the weather there?" I never gave him my address and in any emails I responded to I always used a proxy server. WTF??!?!

We have no mutual friends anymore and there is literally no one I can think of that would have given out my address, let alone talk to this guy. In fact, the only people who know my address are my direct relatives, who don't even know this guy's name.

Again, WTF?!??!!? I'm genuinely freaked out.

 

[ladee]

Oh shit Casey.
This is scary...my heart is pounding.
You have to think about options here.
Would going to the police and letting them know in eccence he is stalking your
Oh God girl. I am scared for you.

 

[Abbii]

Consult an attorney, that is what you need not advice from a forum, just saying you could be setting yourself up in a myriad of ways

 

[Casey_03]

@Abbii I did consult an attorney. Multiple times. I mentioned that repeatedly in this thread.