Ptsd After Trying Bdsm With A Dominatrix

[Acoc]

apparently that's what I have

I agree with it and I know that's why I have ptsd but can anyone offer advice or help or the best people to see?

I've tried link friendly therapists but they seem to get offended as do people on bdsm forums but this has caused me to have ptsd and I need help

Thank you

 

[Fezuga]

I'm not sure who to turn you towards, but I would recommend someone who specializes in trauma. And maybe staying away from a kink friendly therapist is best, because they come with an agenda thay is counter to your needs. They might not be willing to challenge their own beliefs enough to recognize that bdsm can cause harm. I really don't care what people in the bdsm community have to say, for many it seems like a place to subconsciously recreate abuse they lived through. Even if that abuse wasn't sexual, or necessarily recognized as abuse, the power dynamics are similar. Bdsm seems like an easy place for a trauma victim to recreate and maybe master (have some amount of control) over the abuse. It also can serve to further traumatized an individual who already struggles. And yeah, can cause problems in and of itself. Many people in the bdsm community seem happy in it, but I think it comes with risks and can inadvertently cause trauma in some individuals.

 

[Huhocet]

You may find it useful to read posts in the therapy forum. If you're in Australia, then talk to your GP about a mental health plan.

 

[Wuvo]

Why "apparently"?

 

[Pero]

Wondering if you can talk a little bit more about your situation (you don't need to go into details if you don't want to) - like, were you diagnosed with PTSD by a mental health professional? and was this an ongoing relationship or a one-time event? Also, do you have any prior history of trauma?

Sorry for all the questions.

There are many different aspects to bdsm, any of which could have resulted in trauma if you were not prepared for it or if you just don't enjoy those types of activities. Since many of them could be interpreted as "abuse" by an outsider and by anyone who was not involved with a safe partner, any trauma therapist should be able to help - at least initially - with issues you are having as a result of this relationship. If it were me, I would probably look for someone who deals with sexual trauma or domestic violence, even though this doesn't fall within either of those specifically.

Just as an FYI, I was in a consensual bsdm, D/s relationship for 6 years and did my Master's thesis on consensual slavery, so I have some expertise on this subject. I've explored, both personally and academically, the abuse aspects, as well as the intimate relational aspects, both in and out of therapy.

 

[Gadaba]

apparently that's what I have

And you know this, because...?

I would suppose it's possible, but something would need to have gone seriously wrong. Highly convincing but agreed-upon assault (physical or sexual) is not necessarily the same as non-consensual violence.

This article: Post-Traumatic Stress DIsorder, is worth reading.

 

[Ohegi]

I've been involved fairly heavily in BDSM for a few years now, and it's tragically not the least bit surprising to me that it could result in PTSD. While there are plenty of those who take the moral code around trust, safety and consent very seriously, it's unfortunately not hard to find people using the BDSM community (particularly online) without any regard for any kind of moral code whatsoever once you meet them in person. Those people are everywhere, and the BDSM community is no different.

I'd agree that it would be more valuable to have a trauma specialist rather than someone who has a particular professional interest in kink. At the end of the day, you hooked up with someone who has traumatised you. If you have PTSD from that encounter, the fact that it was a BDSM relationship seems largely irrelevant to the help you need, and you may find it only serves as a distraction and possible reason to blame (or at least doubt) the victim (unfairly).

You may also find that, for reasons canvassed above, Ts that specialise in trauma are very likely to already have patients that are, or have been, involved in BDSM, so there's a good chance they'll understand a lot more than you may anticipate.

 

[Acoc]

And you know this, because...?

...

A psychiatrist told me and I agree with them

Do you have a problem with this?

 

[Acoc]

Wondering if you can talk a little bit more about your situation (you don't need to go into details if you don't want to)...

Can all pro bdsm people please politely go away i hate you all so much,

 

[Uficez]

Did you talk to the pdoc about therapy options?

I'm not sure that the BDSM part of the situation impacts the type of support you need...like, at all. A lot of trauma Ts will, through their patients, already be familiar with it.

I got smacked about by a dom once that was nothing like what we were meant to be doing. Yes, there is a moral code about safety and consent in BDSM. Not everyone in BDSM pays attention to it, and when it goes bad, it goes really bad. You only need to cross paths with 1 sadist who couldn't give sweet FA about the moral code to know that it could easily cause someone ptsd.

A T with decent amounts of empathy could be really helpful- could your pdoc refer you to one?

 

[Okad]

A psychiatrist told me ///

Do you have a problem with this?

Nope.

But just like if someone said "I went on a roller coaster & now apparently I have PTSD." or "I drove to San Diego & now apparently I have PTSD." Or "My parents had a baby & now apparently I have PTSD." Or any other fairly normal activity it begs the question.

When I first came to this site I might have just filled in the blanks with assumptions (rape, roller coaster broke and fell off the tracks, MVA, dropped the baby and it died). But I've learned not to do that. Both because the person may actually mean nothing beyond normal happened (I didn't like it, it scared me, but you don't understand, it was an hour in the car, I had to give up my room) AND because it could be far, far, far worse than I would have imagined (spent the last 2 years in the hospital undergoing repeated spinal surgeries and burn treatments, my husband was decapitated, I've had to hold them every night while my dad raped them).

So I don't assume, anymore. If someone mentions something fairly normal & leaves out the actual trauma? I ask.

 

[Viriva]

Yeah this doesn't sound plausible. ONE visit to a prodomme and you've got PTSD? No way, buddy.

To give you the benefit of the doubt, maybe you've had something going on in your past that was dredged up by your visit. But in the absence of more information, I personally can't believe you.