What's behind feeling ashamed of yourself as a man? Where do those feelings and beliefs stem from?
it comes from traditional views a grew up with and believe in , but i put myself in a place of discomfort emasculating like trying An@l Play , for the 1st time in a BDSM theme it felt weird , and hard to overcome and live with doing something this freaky lol , Morally and Mentally and personally its not for Me , But as a Fantasy watching videos its fine i dont care
they say who dabbles in Femdom play either has
1- Mommy Mother issues
2- or puts the other Gender on a pedestal like worship
3- or just Rarely is in contact with the other Gender
4-or just a genuine masochist who gets pleasure from pain
i am simply attracted to the Female energy i do believe that God gave women the power to Heal Broken Men
Curiosity nearly killed this cat as a young boy and adolescent — I'm 69 years old now. A few months ago I was with my wife a my son having a quiet birthday dinner, the waitress looking after my table, innocently quipped and winked, wow 69 that's a really nice number. I laughed but deep down inside it triggered an internal stress response that made me feel like a 12-year-old about to be raped.
I found 2-3 trauma informed therapists but when the talk therapy was no longer effective I tried (unsuccessfully) antidepressants. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I am now on appropriate medications which I sort of wish I had found when I was 20-30yo. Two psychiatrists have confirmed MDD, CPTSD and ADHD with my ADHD being responsible for my impulsive behaviour. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD but it was suggested by one of my psychiatrists.
Another problem with me was pornography. I was exposed to sexual images as a 6yo boy and throughout my entire life I struggled with the distinction between fantasy and reality. You have to find where those boundaries are for you: I crossed those boundaries at a very young age and my impulsiveness (ADHD) got me into so much trouble and unbearable shame. For me it was not wise to trust my own judgement because the boundaries were blurred (muddy and dark). It seems that you are having similar issues with that fantasy/reality boundary. You can watch a historical war movie without ever going to war; you can watch a pornographic movie (...insert your kink here!) without ever acting on what you see. I still look at and enjoy pornography but it's important for me to know and be comfortable with the choices I have made.
Asus, it sounds as if you have transgressed your own boundaries so you are now wiser. Don't let shame dominate your life. Find out if you have ADHD or even OCD*. Connect with a good therapist. Take care!
* OCD can mentally turn your 'mistakes' into a repetitive movie-loop that feeds your feelings of shame.
WOW The LAST thing You Wrote which is (( * OCD can mentally turn your 'mistakes' into a repetitive movie-loop that feeds your feelings of shame.))
is 100% What i am going through for 10 Months now , when ever i am Alone Thoughts keep Looping and looping and looping making me feel weird about Myself and what i have done ( Like oh what Kind of Man goes to a Dominatrix and does KINKY THINGS like Candle wax , Blindfold , Specially ( An#l Play , it screwed my head Real bad as Straight Male ) are you really a Respected man if you do something like that ?!?!?!?!, and if only people knew what i did would they think of me .........on and on and on its a NIGHTMARE from the 7th circle of Hell lol
i have seen macho 70 year old Mobster looking men who Tried An#l with their wives using toys and admitted that in public on yet they seem unbothered by it at all , i did this thing Privately yet i am Deeply ashamed of it , and its simply not for me Morally and Personally
Again it was all about curiosity , it was ONE AND DONE kind of experiment , its just one of many things you can do in the Bedroom with a Woman (Vanilla , Kinky , Normal ) etc....
and i really appereciate the story you had with the waitress even at your Age you can still get Triggers and go back to the past the mind is a tricky thing , also i agree with the seperation bewtween Reality and Fantasy , cuz liking something as a Fantasy on video does not mean you are going to like it in Real Life its totally different