Does Emdr Show What Is Trauma Or Hallucination?

[Knak]

Ty Knak, yes i have been to therapy. The circumstance itself was so unlikely (who would imagine a...

I was and am analytical and was taught to take trauma and not fight back, so I mulled over incidents and after my breakdown at 22 they ruled my mind.

I couldn't make progress until
1) I met a person who gave love, which I never experienced. It gave me validity but I still carried trauma in spite of therapists, doctors, meds, hospitalizations.
2) I found out I had ADD at age 40 and the meds let me think rationally for the first time.

I read others saying that EMDR profoundly helped them, and by grace I found an EMDR therapist I could identify with, trust, and she is very very good at it. First I processed a minor incident to learn how to do it. It was enough to begin releasing constant circular thoughts.

Even though they were all true, I didn't trust myself. The EMDR gets to the level where you know what is true and then can let it go. It puts you in a safe place so thoughts that are too painful for your mind to heal can be processed. It brought our excruciating pain I already had but it eventually subsided.

Bilateral stimulation takes you from right to left brain several times a second so you go from pain to a safe place several times a second and you just let thoughts come. You keep doing that while the therapist checks your progress. When you reach the point you feel positive or have no more thoughts, you go back to the original painful incident to follow another trail until all trails attached to it come to an end and your pain level of the original thought is zero.

It was the first time I made progress in therapy. It is crucial to find someone you trust, has understanding, self control, compassion, and continues their education.

My personality changed. I am more aware, recognize reality, and trust myself. I can relate better and avoid people less. I can express myself and control reactions. I have been going since 2008 except for breaks when I got frustrated.

Some problems are hard to pin down especially if they were ongoing but just doing any EMDR helps the brain learn to function healthy and learning continues on its own.

I don't want to elevate the term celebrity. What I've learned is that for anyone to attain it they undergo extreme destructive ongoing abuse and control.

 

[Knak]

I am in the process of EMDR to be honest I'm not sure whether it is helping or not it basically ta...

If it weren't for the number of positive reports of success and reading how it works, it would have been harder to pursue. I need to know why things work before I believe them.

It does bring up great pain which can take a long time to get through but it goes away over time. I just want to encourage you not to give up or change the target you began. As you proceed you will think of things you forgot or didn't associate with the topic. Sometimes you jump from past to present. The therapist should guide you where to go.

My therapist said it doesn't matter what the last thought was, she only wants to see if I'm making progress. If I'm disturbed she will try to put the thought in a different perspective so it is objective and I don't feel helpless. Then I can proceed and know I can cover it at a different time if necessary.

It can take a long time to see results but sticking with it until you complete resolution of the original target will make tangible changes you will notice in your daily thoughts. Knowing you can eliminate a pervasive issue will give you confidence that you can control what used to control you.

Changing topics was very destructive to me. I have so many issues and I couldn't figure out their priority. Talking therapy just brought up problem after problem that didn't get solved and I started dissociating. I became dangerous and self destructive and ended up quitting therapy because of the confusion. After months of getting worse I finally realized it didn't matter which issue I worked on, the process of resolving any issue that vexed me was positive if completed.

If you find your anxiety is increasing and interfering you can try taking anxiety medication to get you through it.

I hope that helps. If you feel the therapist isn't helping as he should, maybe try someone else. I think the approaches really vary but a professional should be on top of any issue. My therapist has been doing this for over 25 years and goes to refresher courses every year.

My psychiatrist told me I would be in therapy the rest of my life and now I believe it.

 

[Beaglefan61]

Thank you for the responses. Right now the lack of belief is doing immeasurable harm. That you both talk in healing terms does help to hear. I have been left pretty stranded by how this has played out and i spiraled downward more the more i was disbelieved and got angrier at the person at times as i felt it was her responsibility to be honest, no matter how she felt about me personally for my breakdown. She was part of it. I felt horrible about things said. She and i both deserve healing yet it feels like her lack of truth has complicated that so terribly much. I have tried to understand why she may not admit anything, yet at the end of the day isn't it all the same: When we have a truth that could make a needed difference what is our right to withhold that truth? Being a celebrity does not exempt anyone from their usual personal responsibility just the same as it does not absolve anyone else from not treating them as a person first. There was a time i was totally furious about it and may have said some unkind things about it, which i know just made matters worse. I was still in psychosis into which i had fallen and some who listened to me called her sociopath based on a couple of elements, though maybe their judgements were harsh and in my state they served to provoke rather than actually help anything. I have tried to understand from a more compassionate viewpoint why she wasn't honest about it, but it has been hard and taken the best of empathy when i was having empathy withheld as few believed me and many turned away. Today is one of those days i struggle with that more as i change therapists and psych nurses in April. Telling this whole wacky tale yet again and to start again with not being believed will hurt. It has done terrible harm. Maybe she has simply blocked it all out and repressed it or just doesn't care. I can't say. I just wish the truth was known so i could have a fair chance. I would never withhold a needed truth even for my worst enemy. My opinion is that the truth should never be withheld where someone is left tortured. Yes, i rambled on about that part as that part is excruciatingly painful. At the same time, when we imprison someone by withholding truth, regardless of the reason, we imprison ourselves. Not doing the right thing also can imprison us, though some personalities may not really care. Just not sure if she is that or things are complicated. Thanks for indulging me there. Lots to say on the whole issue obviously. A question to you: If she knows of me need to be believed, should she regardless of personal feelings about me be honest? I tend to be a tiny bit obsessive compulsive when it comes to doing the right thing so have had to struggle with reasons she didn't say anything. Conceivably there is a situation where she under control, has the wrong influences, or has been abused to where her own standards of when to act for mercy's stake is so skewed she does not act before situations spiral out of control. In that,i even wonder why i wonder about her reasons. In the past i used to make far too many excuses for people and need to remember regardless of her reasons, my need remains the same.

What you say about the EMDR getting you to the point of knowing what is true sounds encouraging for many with partially or fully repressed memories. What you say about shifting from one side of the brain to the other sounds very helpful in getting the feelings to where they can be worked through rather than just spinning around in the head, caught within trauma. That the process is repeated until the pain is zero sounds helpful, which would leave me with just the trauma of being disbelieved by so many and how it all unfolded once i fell into psychosis. At least getting one part done would be extremely helpful at this time.

On that what you say about following one path until it is more healed rather than jumping all over the place sounds helpful. Having relief on one thing rather than having the pain of several would be great in not becoming as overwhelmed by the whole of it all. Even if things are connected many times, at least easing some part of it would help the load being carried be lighter.

"It is crucial to find someone you trust, has understanding, self control, compassion, and continues their education." I can see how this is not only helpful but crucial. I don't see how healing can really happen without compassion and understanding. Being met where we are in the pain is how we can get out of the pain. Otherwise it can seem like wandering lost and just getting nowhere. I will see how my incoming therapist is on that. My outgoing therapist is mostly good on that, though still disbelieving in some ways about what i went through as though she is eclectic, she tends toward CBT and things being rational. Life does not always agree with events being fully rational. As someone put it, just because an event is rare, does not mean it doesn't happen. I will keep what you have in mind with the incoming therapist. I am not sure they will be able to do EMDR . Am in community mental health center and not sure if EMDR will be an option, but if it is this helpful I may try to find any way i can get to a therapist is skilled with its use. It has sounded very helpful and freeing for you.

Thank you for the encouragement to not give up. That has been tempting to do and just live with the damage that is and the ways i have changed for the worse. For you i hope you won't have to be in therapy the rest of your life but between the caring therapist and EMDR you will be able to find freedom and go on with life less encumbered. It sounds like you are better for what you have done with avoiding people less, being more in control of your reactions, expressing yourself better and relating better with people.

Again, thank you for your caring response. This has been horribly painful and very lonely. You saying something does help very much.

 

[Beaglefan61]

I just put to someone that the person who hurt her did a crime to her in putting her in position to where she was left alone in all her pain. I need to remember when i got angry that is how i felt.

 

[Knak]

which would leave me with just the trauma of being disbelieved by so many and how it all unfolded once i fell into psychosis.

After many years learning from EMDR I finally realized if the person doesn't believe me it doesn't matter because healthier people don't do that to me. Most therapists go into the field because they have emotional problems.

My husband is a liar and will never change and I can't fix him. I can't even get away from him. It's best to stay away from them before you get hooked into the psychological trap.

I'm sorry it led to psychosis for you. I had near psychosis for 12 years before I began to heal only because I came back to Christ. I imagine you didn't have protection or guidance to learn to recognize or how to protect yourself from the evil in the world, like me. EMDR helped my brain unlock the pain to recognize people who are givers, not takers.

I know I have to get away from people who make me feel bad about myself. It's not productive to think about it. I don't try defending myself because it upsets me and can encourage further debasement.

Almost all celebrities have to endure inhumane humiliation to become celebrities. It is more than that. They are turned into mind-controlled slaves and they are told what to think and do or suffer the worst.

Look at Lindsey Lohan and Brittany Spears' lives of chaos. Katy Perry went from singing gospel to worshiping Satan and pedophilia. She admitted she signed her life over to the devil. Those who refuse to submit don't get hired. It was hidden information but is now becoming public. Look up Pizzagate on the computer.

There is no rational. It is chaos for the sake of power, money, etc., or some people are victimized arbitrarily.

 

[Beaglefan61]

I am sorry your husband is a liar and will not change. People have to care about the truths they give and your feelings are on the line each time he does not. That must hurt. I am looking for jobs and my roommate said 'don't be a politician. you aren't dishonest enough.' Have you ever had any problem with being honest yet mistaken? People take me so seriously on my word (or did before all this) that when i would make an honest mistake they thought was a lie, it would devastate them. I am human and oh my can i flub and err! Mistakes are human. You seem really honest so you being with a husband who lies must hurt deeply. You sound nearly like you are feeling trapped when you say you can't get away from him. I hope you find freedom in this life in the ways you need!

I am so torn between anger at being left in a truth of one that is so hard to believe, even by my therapist, and having such sorrow for the celebrity of whom i had so much concern. What you say about having to endure inhumane humiliation to become celebrities and turned into mind-control slaves was the concern i had of her in the first place. I am lost with this so much as my prayer was to Christ when this first started. It was a clearer sense of Him i had than ever before as if not words, but a feeling from afar yet close, "I will not answer this prayer, you will!" To have ripped her down because of combination of psychosis and some terrible influences feels like the biggest practical joke in the universe. Yet even this last week some phenomenal and impossible to explain synchronicity came up that left me speechless for a few hours. What is what? This was all supposed to be about healing and faith and doing the right thing. She left hurt for having believed and me left detaching from humanity for being left alone in my truth to where secondary trauma of disbelief is as high as the efforts in healing? I hope God has something yet not shown coming up which will bring healing. This has been excruciating. Still is.

There are things that happened along my path that seemed so improbable, they seemed synchronicity, some seeming nearly signs from God (a few were jaw dropping), one even this last week that is beyond any logical understanding. I am confused when not to make too much of such things as 'only coincidence' or when dismissing such things is dismissing God trying to say something more. The things that are less likely than winning a lottery are the ones that stand out to me and leave me guessing. My faith is shaken. The comfort you have given has been a Godsend to someone whose faith is nearly broken and whose prayers are uplifted at the end of his faith and strength that healing come to those involved.

What you say about Katy Perry is scary. If this can happen to her, who is really safe? This was the worry i had of this particular celebrity as her celebrity came of her looks and build, which sadly overlooks personality and can set one on a path to being around those who would twist a soul into being bitter and calloused. Lives where temptation is so much yet fulfillment is so little would be a terrible lifestyle. What about deeper peace? What about love? What about love of others? One thing many of us here on these forums have struggled with is that latter part. Many of use were hurt by someone we love. We have to learn to love others again for how they feel.

To maintain care for her beyond hurt that i am disbelieved is tons of work as i have to fight with all my being to not close down into bitterness. My 2nd sorest point in this is that i am left being disbelieved. My sorest point with God is that it has hurt her and that it would at all hurt my care and concern of her. I am human and failing though and my energy spent so that the first concern may end up with me twisted and gnarled where healing should have been for people (her, me, others even).
.

What you say about getting away from people who make you feel bad about yourself, i am glad you do that for you. Sadly, at this point that is probably how she feels about me. My bad in keeping some not so peacemaker types around when it came to her showing up. She may be gone without looking back now. If she does, would she care about how hard i have tried or was this one last push that put her into ground where she simply can not care for others feelings? Nothing makes sense now on that and the questions are deep and many. That if you keep away from people who regularly make others feel badly about themselves, that is good in two ways. It spares your feelings and keeps you in a direction of good health. It also keeps them from throwing in rotten eggs when something important is going on. I meant well with them being around as many were in crisis and i could not find them local mental health care so much so was trying to make a difference they needed, yet needed peace of my own with people who don't enjoy fighting so much as a few i had around. I should have known and feel badly about it now.

I am glad your relationship with Christ is such a blessing to you. It is such an important relationship and having that ever strained is a deep pain. It is such a deep solace when things go well there. It being a help in your healing is easy to understand. I am sorry for how long you were near psychosis. 12 years is a very long time to be in such turmoil. There is something caring to you that shows through it all. That you have had such healing from the EMDR is so good to know. Kind hearts should not be abandoned to pain. Sadly, hearts that become unkind maybe already were at some point.

Sorry this one is so long. You touched on some very important things with so much of what you said.

Ty Knak. Thank you ever so much for your comfort and help at this time. It feels like a time when i walk so alone and am not sure if even my biggest prayer to Christ has been answered in reverse. What i say about you being a Godsend i do not overstate! You talking to me is you being an answer to a prayer i be heard. It is sometimes for us to make a prayer. It is sometimes for us to be an answer to the prayers we would make. In listening, you have answered a prayer and been an answer for someone who walks the best he can with what faith he has left. Thank you ever so much.