Relationship Loving Someone With Ptsd

[Bradford]

I am in love and have been for well over a year with a beautiful lady who has PTSD. I did not know when we started, she later she explained it to me that she had PTSD. Just a short time ago we went almost 2 months not seeing or speaking to each other as she had pulled away. She called me suddenly one day and told me how much she loved me and how much she missed me. We started to get back together again and now suddenly she is pulling away again. She suddenly quit telling me she loved me and almost seems angry at me. I spoke to several people yesterday on chat and they were very very helpful and supportive.

Just a few days ago she said I really needed to understand PTSD better. So in thinking about that I read many articles and blogs and came here. I spoke to her by text yesterday and told her I had joined a PTSD support group.

Her response was "Let it go. I don't need you to do that. I rather be alone in this. Let it go. Talk to you tomorrow. Night".

How should I respond? I wasn't expecting fireworks or her jumping for joy, but I also wasn't expecting this; although from what was told to me by everyone, maybe I should have? How should I respond? I will be speaking to her soon and I don't want to say the wrong thing. Any advice. I am getting worried that I may have become one of her triggers! If so is this relationship lost. I am just sick over it all.

 

[lostintime]

Hello, i am in love with someone with PTSD and i as well have it. My partner was doing the exact same thing and i would do the same, i am not sure about others but i am not a big fan of getting attached to people because i am scared. Commitment might be her problem and that is okay because my partner is the same, and what i did was even though my partner would push me away, i would always be there for them. And yes it is pretty confusing with the sudden changes in mood, trust me i have been there, but if you truly love her just keep being there for her because even if she wont admit it she needs you. Just don't give up on her, push through her problems along side her.

 

[Newtoptsd]

Hi there and welcome to the supporters section :)

I understand your frustration, if you've done a lot of research in the past few days you will understand the push and pull dynamic of a relationship with a sufferer of PTSD. It often comes hand in hand especially in the first stages/year of dating someone with ptsd. From personal experience in her mind she thinks you're better off without her and you shouldn't have to research and understand when you can be with someone without ptsd and you won't have to go through the effort.

When I sort of found out about my friends PTSD he didn't outright tell me so I did my own research. Also I do TONNES of research, I'm not saying it should take over your life but I don't think you can ever know enough. I've been reading books on the war in afghanistan, I've watched countless documentaries, read books specific to PTSD relationships, read books on combat PTSD. I also do all this research and I don't tell my sufferer, not because I think he wouldn't like it but because he goes to therapy and deals with his ptsd how he wants to and I will do the research by myself and do what I want. We don't discuss it. I know this might seem weird to people but it's who we are, he definitely has an inkling about my research as he's asked what I'm reading sometimes and I'll tell him and he sometimes opens up when he's going to therapy etc.

I don't think you should bring up the research unless she broaches the subject again? If she asks again then say yes you have been looking into it and you want to be a better supporter for her. I don't think it's necessary to have a serious conversation about it as it might stress her out more and push you away further.

Being in a relationship with someone who suffers from PTSD is one long rollercoaster and it rarely ever stops. Researching will give you the tools to support but therapy will give her the tools to cope day to day.

Keep it up and you'll never regret trying to research even if things don't work out :)

 

[Bradford]

Hi there and welcome to the supporters section :)

I understand your frustration, if you've done a l...

Thank you so much for your kind advice. I told her I wont give up on her ever and no matter what I will always be there for her. Before I realized the extent of her PTSD I did get angry at her and after almost two months of no contact, she started contacting me with some simple text then suddenly one day, she called in tears saying she didn't want to loose me and that she loved me. Since that day I have told her I will never get angry again, I love her more than life, she is beautiful and no matter what I will always be there for her. Since that time she has started pulling away again. I will just stay the course. Thanks again.

 

[Bradford]

Hello, i am in love with someone with PTSD and i as well have it. My partner was doing the exact sam...

Thank you for your kind words and advice. I have told her many times I love her and will always be there for her. I will stay the course no matter what.

 

[Newtoptsd]

Thank you so much for your kind advice. I told her I wont give up on her ever and no matter what I wil...

Anytime you want advice feel free to PM me as my name suggests I'm new to PTSD but I'd like to think I've moved up a few grades since then :)

Trust me supporters on here have been there for me at some serious low points so feel free to message me as and when you need advice! Sounds like you really are a top supporter, one thing I will say is if a sufferer does do something which upsets you don't just bypass it, that's called enabling and you shouldn't enable bad behaviour. You have to set your own boundaries.

I have never gotten angry at my SO, however I do choose to remove myself from the situation when I can feel it escalating. Once he's calm and I'm calm then we are all gravy :)

Remember to always look after no1, you can't be a supporter unless you support yourself first!

 

[Seeking]

My Combat vet with PTSD and I have been together for over 3 years and we didn't communicate because he isolated for almost 2 months. During that isolation period I found this site. I learned so much and have actually applied it or at least have tried to. I wondered the same thing, should I tell him all that I've learned about PTSD or not. I decided not to. I keep learning and keep applying what I learn. It has helped but you've REALLY got to be in it for the roller coaster ride and your love for your s/o has to be strong because it's hard. Although we do communicate and he and I both express how we miss each other when we're apart and how we love each other, it's hard and not a smooth relationship. I pray A LOT and trust God. Buckle up and be prepared for bad and really bad days. It's really up to you what you want to do. I'm 3 plus years in with a man that I know loves me and I am the woman that loves herself as well. I must say it, I'm kinda fine :) I could date or move on but this man has me and I love him but that's my choice. It's all on you what you choose to do. God Bless you both.

 

[Bradford]

My Combat vet with PTSD and I have been together for over 3 years and we didn't communicate because he...

Thank You. Similarly she 'has me'. No matter how bad it gets and today is a bad one in terms of separation. She acts angry at me and sometimes I don't know how to respond, but I always tell her in one way or another, "I am always there for her and I love her".

Thank you for your kind words of support.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Bradford I am not discouraging you nor am I being negative. I just want to share my experience. I know exactly what you mean when you write you love her and will stand by her forever no matter what. I say that everyday because I do love my wife and will stand by her for the rest of my life.

But, and this is a big one, there will be days when you wonder why you stay and there will be days you want to walk out the front door. When those days come, take care of yourself first. To use the analogy of the airplane preflight briefing: "put your oxygen mask on first so you are able to help your loved one with theirs"

I've learned over the years that commitment to communication by both the sufferer and supporter is vital otherwise you're simply roommates. I truly wish you and your lady well.

 

[Bradford]

@Bradford I am not discouraging you nor am I being negative. I just want to share...

Thank You... Today was one of those days where it wasn't me that wanted to walk but her. She has been there many times before and once did but came back. I am afraid that one day she will and never come back. A downer day for me because it was a downer day for her.