Relationship Is this something you can expect in a relationship with someone with CPTSD?

[John L.]

She had a tendency to communicate via lyrics, a few weeks ago she posted some. These were about that she new she had her demons, that she needed and wanted to change but that she was afraid of who she might become. That I shouldn’t take it so harsh on myself as I wasn’t the blame.
You should say that she does realize what her role is. But as said before, one moment she was very lovely and the next she was blaming me for all kind of things.
But you might be right that she doesn’t realize how much it hurts me. She once showed me her dating profile and that she had numerous likes. Recently I brought this up and she told me that she couldn’t remember and that I couldn’t explain what I meant, so it probably didn’t happen. I explained it a few times and she then said that it never was her intention to make me feel sad or jealous. She only kept her profile so she could save our old messages. I can understand that she wanted to save our messages, but why show me the amount of likes she had? How not to think of this as meant to make me jealous?

The sad thing is that it wasn’t my decision to leave, she cut me off and blocked me.

 

[empathuniverse]

I hope this message is allowed as I’m searching for some clarity. I’m not trying to blame or upset anyone, sorry if it might look like this.

I was/am “in a relationship” with someone who has CPTSD, she grew up in a family with NPD. She told me right from the start that she has CPTSD but couldn’t tell me how I could support her. At the moment she ended contact again for the 6 or 7th time. I’m blocked everywhere and I leave her be.

I have read a lot about it on internet but some of her behaviour just doesn’t seem to make sense:

• On my socials I occasionally add some new friends. She literally does some sort of background check on the female ones (old classmates, neighbour).
• She found posts on socials in which I was tagged of which I didn’t even know I was tagged in, years ago.
• She can go from very sweet/caring to cold/arrogant/angry and back again within minutes.
• One moment she wants kids, the next moment she gets upset if you speak about children. Making statements that she can’t handle kids and don’t want them.
• She can make very hurtful accusations towards me. You’re a narcissist, you project, you’ve cheated on me, and many more.
• One time she loves me, the next she hates me.
• She very seldomly apologizes for accusations or behaviour
• We live apart from each other. When I’m with her, she is very sweet, lovely and seems to be happy. No arguments whatsoever.
• When we’re not together and we speak via whatsapp, we have an argument at least once or twice a week.
• It seems that the goal posts move around. One moment we agree something, the next week she has a completely different opinion about the same subject.

More hurtful things have happened like making threats and very hot and cold behaviour. One moment she loves me, I was the best what ever happened to her, gave her wonderful memories. And the next moment she says she felt used, asks me how many victims I made, and more of these painful things.

I’m still very much in love with her but don’t really know how to deal with this. Is this all behaviour I could expect from someone with CPTSD?

Its common for children of Narcissists to have Borderline personality disorder traits, look into it. Its not good that she reacts this way but maybe if she learns about it she can get help for it.

 

[shimmerz]

More hurtful things have happened like making threats and very hot and cold behaviour. One moment she loves me, I was the best what ever happened to her, gave her wonderful memories. And the next moment she says she felt used, asks me how many victims I made, and more of these painful things.

Given that we (ourselves) are the only people we can control and given the severity of things on your list and the things quoted above, I have to ask -- why are you not in therapy trying to figure out why you are accepting this and calling it love? This shouldn't be happening nor accepted in a truly loving relationship. Please no offence meant -- but in my opinion this doesn't have only to do with her. It has to do with you as well.