Relationship Why Is It Just Me?

[Grasshoppa]

is it normal for the Suffer to only be ignoring the girl/boyfriend and still talk to friends and family when they call? But they never answer your calls or your text? This has been sitting in the back of my mind, I am not sure if it is happening but I wonder.

 

[caligirl03]

Oh girl, this was completely me too. My ex would also be so outgoing and funny around our friends then suddenly sullen and withdrawn when it was just us. It drove me nuts and made me wonder why I had to be the one to receive subpar treatment while everyone else got to see him with his best foot forward. I think the most straightforward explanation is that he feels more comfortable being his truest self around you. He can fake the funk a little easier around family or friends with whom he perhaps has more surface level or brief interactions. By the time he gets back around to you, his already limited reserve of acting fine is pretty much used up. Also, since you're aware of his condition, he may think that you're more understanding and able to cut him more slack, especially when he's feeing bad. That is how I had another sufferer explain it to me, anyway. I think the most important thing for your own sanity is to realize that isolation and withdraw are very common PTSD symptoms and try your best to not take any of it personally. Perhaps you could also ask him to let you know when he's not feeling his best so you at least know not to expect much in the way of communication during those moments.

 

[Grasshoppa]

T

Oh girl, this was completely me too. My ex would also be so outgoing and funny around our friends th...

hank

Oh girl, this was completely me too. My ex would also be so outgoing and funny around our friends th...

thank you for your reply. Him and I have only been dating for 5 months now , and I have not talk to him in a week since the PTSD has surfaced. no text no call, I will make sure when he comes back around to his self to have a sit down with him and have him explain when he is ready . I was just feeling bad because I was wondering why neglecte me and still talk to everyone else . I love him and I am here tell the end .

 

[boodle]

is it normal for the Suffer to only be ignoring the girl/boyfriend and still talk to friends and fam...

Yes, it happened to me too. My ex was fine with friends when in a shut-out with me, they would have no idea anything was wrong.

 

[GwenDR]

My wife and I are both sufferers (I'm diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety rather than PTSD, but it's the result of trauma and there's similarities), and my wife is like this: she's more able to fake cheerfulness and good spirits around other people. Once she gets home, she's able to drop the act. She's comfortable being sullen and moody around me the way she wouldn't around even a complete stranger.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Grasshoppa Yes, it happens. In the beginning, it caused me a lot of grief because I didn't have anyone to talk to that would believe me. In the beginning, I would tell her that I'd give anything if she simply treated me like she did the rest of the world. So, yes, it's "normal" from a behavioral perspective although probably not normal from yours.

I'm still not clear as to the "why". Maybe it's because we are close or there is a connection. By that, I mean the rest of the world can simply walk away if someone ignores or isolates from them. We as supporters care so it hurts when they do it to us.

Over time I have taught myself to let a lot of things go....to not take them personally. I think I'm at the point internally that if I believe an action, however hurtful, is unintentional by virtue of their PTSD, I'll let it go and wait till she has worked it out in her head. However, if I think she has a choice, I will walk out the door. This choice is drinking. Can't blame bad behavior because of a choice.

At any rate, I'm straying from the topic. But, yes, it is a hard thing to get used to.

 

[TheMinsterman]

Yeah, same again here, my ex would go out and spend time constantly with another friend (who is abusive), would talk to MY friends as if nothing was really wrong and she was 100% fine, but I got the double barrels.

Obviously "ex" may not fill you with confidence but I would say it seems to be a feature for many, including those whose relationships continue and last, as far as me and my ex goes we're over for now and she actually makes more effort to initiate contact with my now we're "just friends" than before.

Perhaps it's a pressure thing, friends have less, partners have more.

 

[Grasshoppa]

@Grasshoppa Yes, it happens. In the beginning, it caused me a lot of grief becaus...

Yes I am trying very to not take it personal. Thank you so much for your help once again.

Yeah, same again here, my ex would go out and spend time constantly with another friend (who is a...

that makes it a lot clearer for me. Tomorrow will make it 1 week I have not heard from him. And 2 weeks I have seen him. I am really fighting for this, I really want it. Thanks for your help

 

[Linzee]

that makes it a lot clearer for me. Tomorrow will make it 1 week I have not heard from him. And 2 we...

Hope you hear from him soon, I'm 2 weeks in also and struggling a bit now.

 

[AlbusLupa]

My girlfriend and I were talking last night, and she mentioned something which I think sums up the reason why we're the ones who suffer the brunt of the isolation. We were discussing that she's not been to yoga or running in a while, and she said it was my "fault" (which, yeah, great to hear, I get her meaning, but sometimes her choice of words could do with some improvement). Basically, she used to be in a routine, she could interact with her friends when she wanted to, she'd take care of herself, do what she needed to keep her mind going. Now I'm on the scene, and while she's admitted she's happier than she's ever been, I'm also messing everything up. Beyond the unintentional triggering, she now has good feelings and good emotions which she has to deal with, that she's never had before. As such it throws her out of balance, so she pushes me away at times, while also meaning her routine is screwed. But. She still knows how to cope with her friends, with colleagues, so she's still able to message them.

It is hard at times (especially when I don't hear anything from her, but see her posting things on Facebook or something) but end of the day, she needs to do what she has to to take care of herself, just as I need to do what I need to do to take care of myself. I think that was one of the first bits of advice I got on this website - she has managed this for years on her own, she knows what she needs to do to take care of herself, while I may worry about her, and want to help her, I'm an addition to the equation. I have to trust that she can do what needs to be done to look after herself when she isolates, because she always has before. I know that doesn't help make the feelings of abandonment or isolation, but that will come in time. Just use the opportunity to focus on yourself, go to the cinema, hang out with friends, explore where you live, something that works as much of a distraction as it does as something to look after yourself.

 

[Linzee]

My girlfriend and I were talking last night, and she mentioned something which I think sums up the re...

I think this is spot on! Another good example that loving supporters are still 'good stressors'. I am dealing with the same. I know my SO is still functioning and going to work etc...I also know he's probably not laying hurt in a ditch somewhere. Just gonna leave him be to get himself back. I hope its not for too much longer though...

 

[Grasshoppa]

Hope you hear from him soon, I'm 2 weeks in also and struggling a bit now.

After I sent him my last text yesterday telling him I will back of a bit and that I am here for him when he is ready,. He texted me back saying ok baby I will call you later today ok. I replied back with a simple ok baby• well let's just say I got no call or text back yesterday. It hurts but I am trying to be positive.