Triggers

[Toriplays]

Hello,
I think I just realized I was getting triggered in grocery stores. I wasn't aware of it. My husband does all the shopping because I can't stand being there. I told him today and he was not surprised. He replied, "of course you're being triggered." I would get angry if we shopped together. I told him, let's get what we need and head out. He would want to go down every aisle.
I also know that as a child I was forced to go grocery shopping with my parents. My dad would get livid if I got in someone's way. It seemed I was always in someone's way. He would shove me, hit me in the head and punch me in the stomach. Granted, it wasn't very hard but it was terrifying. I sometimes felt like he could kill me. His rage was very scary. Also, the embarrassment of being hit in front of other people. I felt such shame. Sometimes people would look at me in pity and say it's okay. Once they were out of eye sight I would get it.
I'm finally starting to put all this together. I have others I'm discovering now too.
Does anyone go through this when they go to different places?
Thanks for listening. I appreciate all of you.

 

[Bradford]

Hello,
I think I just realized I was getting triggered in grocery stores. I wasn't aware of it. My hu...

I think I am the trigger... I have a relationship with someone who has PTSD. We love each other, we miss each other when we are not together. Her PTSD causes her to pull away from me severely.

I feel that I am the trigger for the PTSD. My opinion of what is happening is that she loves me, misses me, we get together and as soon as we do I trigger her PTSD. We backslide until her love and missing me overrides, we get together, it is triggered and here we go again. I love her so much, treat her well (she says better than anyone ever) but her PTSD pushes us apart.

 

[Jake]

Hello,
I think I just realized I was getting triggered in grocery stores. I wasn't aware of it. My hu...

I NEVER watch sports on TV. When I was very little I would try to hang out with my Dad, but he loved watching sports and would tell me to go find kids my own age to play with. But I kept trying every Sunday after church.. Finally, my Mother got mad at seeing this. She asked me if I could help her with something in the kitchen. She made me feel good by making me think I was helping her. I found love in the kitchen and neglect in the family room. Today, 50 years later, I love to cook and cannot stand TV sports. So, I get where you are coming from. Early childhood events like these are minor traumas to a young child. The body remembers these cumulative insults and those affect our adult behavior. This accumulation of repressed minor traumas contributes to Complex PTSD. I understand how you feel and why. Recognizing this connection is a bit of relief. But the body still remembers.
As a convenience today, some grocery stores will fill an order online, pay online and call you when your items are bagged and ready to pickup.

 

[Dana1010]

I get triggered in grocery stores too, and I have no specifically supermarket-related trauma. For me it's just something about being in the open, being seen and being physically close to people. I'm agoraphobic, I guess. Maybe you have that issue too. I'm sure a man like your father acted inappropriately towards you in all kinds of settings -- do you they all trigger you in the same way?

Oh, and I love your avatar. Welcome to the forum.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Does anyone go through this when they go to different places?

I get triggered and freaked out everywhere. People terrify THE f*ck out of me. I dosocissated in Walmart once when I accidently got snadwitched between two men close to Christmas and ended up, "woke up", hundled in the bathroom stall floor saying "don't hurt me" having no odea how I got there.

I got no where. I stay isolated in my dark house going no where but to work and that is super hard in of itself.

I am owner training my service dog in training and we are now easing into public access and so thats not just exposure for him but for me as well and last night I noticed that I didnt care that there were two strange men getting into and sotting in a car in a super dark area of a parking lot after midnight watching me because i had my service dog in training and actually talked to them for a min. So thats been super great for me!

But most certianly terrified of people. People did horrid things to me. Many people inside of a cult and so my brain thinks that all these people on this planet are here to hurt me. My brain actually makes me think that everyone in a location (like a store) are looking at me and I will hear in my head what my brain is telling me are their thoughts and plans on what they will do to me. Ita weird and very hars to explain. But you are no where near alone.

 

[Toriplays]

I think I am the trigger... I have a relationship with someone who has PTSD. We love each other, we m...

I'm so sorry you are going through that. It's so painful.

 

[Toriplays]

I think I am the trigger... I have a relationship with someone who has PTSD. We love each other, we m...

I NEVER watch sports on TV. When I was very little I would try to hang out with my Dad, but he loved watchi...

Yes, those bodily memories are very strong.

 

[Toriplays]

I get triggered in grocery stores too, and I have no specifically supermarket-related trauma. For me i...

Yes, my dad was violent. He threw things and was a head hitter. He constantly told me how stupid I was and how I would never amount to anything. School was very hard for me. I struggled with math and he'd try to help me. These sessions became more like interrogations. Eventually he'd lose his patience and start hitting me in the head. Every word in the English language that meant a lack of intelligence was used on me. My brother and I spent our early childhood years in foster care and then he was awarded custody. Both him and my stepmother resented me. I reminded them a lot of my mother.

 

[Toriplays]

I get triggered and freaked out everywhere. People terrify THE f*ck out of me. I dosocissat...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the hell you have been through.
I'm sending you a huge cyber hug. Thank you for sharing with me. I appreciate it so much.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I think I am the trigger... I have a relationship with someone who has PTSD. We love each other, we m...

I think you two might just want to look at this a little bit differently. PTSD will add a lot of different challenges to a relationship. And in my case I have noticed that PTSD has added several factors such as being afraid of:
Loss of identity
Loss of freedom
Loss of individuality

I think perhaps, now that you know these cycles why not automatically schedule them into your relationship? To not look at these cycles as a negative or positive, just realizing that the PTSD person will at regular intervals need their life to themselves. I think that would add joy, it is not the love that you would have to worry about loosing, it would be merely adjusting your activities to show your partner that you are willing to give her the space to enjoy life, during the good times as well as the times in which she needs to be alone to reflect, to think, and heal. That is always a part of PTSD.

Discuss that with your partner, you might actually enjoy scheduling free time and together time in a way that allows for the PTSD person to adjust a little better. Once you do that it should be much easier for the two of you.

From my perspective, there are so many days, after being triggered too, that I just enjoy being in certain places within my own solitude settings, but none of that would really have anything to do with my other parts of life, it is just that PTSD forces so much onto us, that when we need to it feels really good to know that there are hours, days when nothing at all is forced onto us, when we are not expected to do anything other than concentrate on our health and gain a better understanding. That is also what a PTSD person needs, the extra time to give thought to their partner and here is one hugely important thing: many times the brain of a PTSD person is not as fast at digesting feelings, emotions, questions, or answers. In those times it is detrimental for the PTSD person to get more time to get a better understanding of all of that. Because if the PTSD person can not digest the information correctly, then more information gets piled on, then it will be a stressor which would put a negative light on your relationship, but in reality it would only have to do with the PTSD person not being able to function in the same way as a healthy person.

 

[Toriplays]

I think you two might just want to look at this a little bit differently. PTSD will add a lot of...

This is really good. My husband also has PTSD. He has trouble hearing and understanding what I'm saying at times. He talks about having a lack of self. We balance each other out by giving each other space. Through the years I've needed more and him less. It's all about helping each other heal. God knows we both had been through enough pain. It takes a lot of patience to deal with this condition. I've learned to not push or make demands on him when he's not in a good place. He understands the issues I have in intimate settings.
I do think it's about working at not taking things personally. I've gotten angry in the past because I felt I was paying the price for something I didn't do. I didn't cause this. They wreaked you and I'm left picking up the pieces? This resentment is real.
What you said is very insightful for what it's like for some of us.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Something about stores is scary for me, too. Any man with the build of my rapist causes an internal panic or a flash of me being shoved into things. I remind myself that there are other people there, but just now I am realizing that there were "other people there" at my dorm building as well. No help behind a closed door.