Thumperhatesptsd
New Here
I just don't get it. Since I was 2 or 3 i was a extremely sexually abused child. To get away I ran away and lived with a man that beat me to the point of breaking bones. There's more but you get the gist. The thoughts and memories were always in my thoughts a thousand times a day. I've dealt with it in my own way and never got ptsd from it; then 10 months ago, a couple of people got into my house, drugged me so I was unconscience. I must've woken up from time because I remember little bits and pieces. They had me for 4 days, and while drugged they had others come over and forced themselves on me a LOT.
They left bruises and more all over, stole my car and ransacked my whole house and whatever else happened. Thru years n years of sexual abuse, I didn't realize how much I had been able to compartmentalize the whole thing. I've been thru worse and yet because of these 4 days I have ptsd?? The childhood abuse caused depressions and never could shake it off or stop thinking about it but I learned to accept and deal with it. But after what these I've been having severe panic attacks and flipping out like I'm nuts making no sense. I can't hardly be around people. There's more but you get it. But what I dont get is how I end up with ptsd when, when Whatever they did to me, could in no way come even close to what I went thru as a kid, but yet my fiancé describes my attacks almost looking like a seizure and even though I'm talking my fiancé said not one one word makes sense And that it sometimes lasts a few minutes or even a few hours and and unable to control myself or function for a few hours. How can I go thru years of brutal sexual abuse as well as other things that are very traumatizing for years as a child and as an adult and yet these people and those 4 days leave me with ptsd??? I freak out, just doesn't make sense to me Now instead of thinking about my childhood nonstop, I think of this. When I was 15, that was it! I was done being scared of anyone and no matter what they did to me I fought back with everything I had and no matter the outcome, I never got scared again. The 4 days has turned me into a scared cat that has attacks that make me feel seriously crazy, like I should be in a mental hospital. What the hell is wrong with me???!!!
They left bruises and more all over, stole my car and ransacked my whole house and whatever else happened. Thru years n years of sexual abuse, I didn't realize how much I had been able to compartmentalize the whole thing. I've been thru worse and yet because of these 4 days I have ptsd?? The childhood abuse caused depressions and never could shake it off or stop thinking about it but I learned to accept and deal with it. But after what these I've been having severe panic attacks and flipping out like I'm nuts making no sense. I can't hardly be around people. There's more but you get it. But what I dont get is how I end up with ptsd when, when Whatever they did to me, could in no way come even close to what I went thru as a kid, but yet my fiancé describes my attacks almost looking like a seizure and even though I'm talking my fiancé said not one one word makes sense And that it sometimes lasts a few minutes or even a few hours and and unable to control myself or function for a few hours. How can I go thru years of brutal sexual abuse as well as other things that are very traumatizing for years as a child and as an adult and yet these people and those 4 days leave me with ptsd??? I freak out, just doesn't make sense to me Now instead of thinking about my childhood nonstop, I think of this. When I was 15, that was it! I was done being scared of anyone and no matter what they did to me I fought back with everything I had and no matter the outcome, I never got scared again. The 4 days has turned me into a scared cat that has attacks that make me feel seriously crazy, like I should be in a mental hospital. What the hell is wrong with me???!!!
