Dom Violence Third Party Abuse-anyone Ever Experience This?

[Casey_03]

Honestly, the only thing that helped me in my similar situation was leaving the country. And going somewhere where he could never find me or know anybody, learning the language there, etc. That's part of the reason I moved to Russia years ago. But I imagine if I had stayed the stalking/harassment would have continued.

I'm not encouraging you to flee the country or anything, just saying that it took drastic measures for me to get away from that, and I imagine it will be next to impossible for you to escape it. You can only hope he loses interest, and be careful who you talk to in the meantime.

 

[Twilight]

Honestly, the only thing that helped me in my similar situation was leaving the country. And going som...

I have been considering moving out of state, but i dont want to leave a certain person behind. That person is not speaking to me right now, but i am hoping we can restore our relationship, so i dont want to move away. (It is a relative, not a romantic relationship)

 

[Beemo3780]

It's tough. I got divorced, moved 400 miles away from the place I grew up and lived in for 30 some years. I wasn't safe in my old house, couldn't trust anyone, kept running into my ex's friends at places like the grocery store, and I became a hermit pretty much. He used to also have people drive by house, and his new girlfriend's brother was a cop, and that got weird. I got a really good security system.

It does get better though. It will be lonely and scary and miserable at first, but after a while, little things gradually improve. My ex still stalks me 7 years later, or tries to anyway. But at this point, it's more laughable than anything. Before it was terrifying. I got remarried, made new friends where I live now, and am just starting to really be able to go out on my own without looking over my shoulder.

 

[Freedomfighter]

My ex domesic violence partner is sending out people unknown to me that act like "random" strangers...

Very common of stalkers indeed. Some very sick people have done that to me for years and years. They pretend to know me and my story. They follow me into online forum groups and ask questions and state lies that are directed at me in order to gain any type of info about my private life.

When someone does that you have to be very very careful.

 

[Friday]

Third Party? Yes.

Physical Stalking
- A few private investigation firms. (Professional. No worries.)
- Some of his friends, known to me. (Harassment, vandalism, break ins)
- Some of his friends, not known to me. (Ditto, plus home invasions)
- Absolute strangers. (He published my address online in "f*ck with this person" capacities on several occasions. And a few other things)


All of this? Happened. Some is still happening, although the first 2 years were the worst. No question about it. As in I have evidence in spades.

All this? ALSO kicked off my paranoia 6 ways from Sunday. So I had to work really really hard to distinguish what was actually happening, versus what I thought was happening. Just because something was possible, didn't mean it was factual. Not every dead animal on my doorstep is a present from my ex. Some are presents from the cat. The cat doesn't wrap hers, and write creepy notes, though. So they're pretty easy to tell apart on close inspection, but the instant-rage pours on just the same from a distance.


***
THAT SAID... Yes. There are some parts of what you wrote that if I wrote them? Would fall under my needs-verification-or-assume-paranoia-not-fact, heading.

The most glaring of which is what do you mean by "my story"? >>> And what is the context of that happening?


What I would suggest is a GoPro (camera). Attach it to your helmet / car / purse & film these interactions. You can leave them recording for about 10 hours at a time, so it's not like you need to "catch" it happening, it will catch it for you.

2 birds, 1 stone. Verification for yourself, your T, & others. So either way; happening or paranoia? You can get the help you need. To oust them from your life or to get your paranoia down to levels where it's not interfering with your life.

 

[Twilight]

How do I oust them from my life?

 

[shimmerz]

I have no one i can trust right now in my geographical area, as all contacts i had knew me and him as a couple, and anything i tell any of those people gets back to him. So, i had to cut out of my life anyone who knew us both.

Yes, this is the old 'single out of the herd' tactic. I went through the same thing. I was never safe. My psychiatrist and therapist didn't believe me. Many of my friends didn't believe me. I literally had to make my girlfriends promise that they wouldn't tell their husbands where I was moving to (which of course didn't happen). As a result, my house was broken into, things done to literally scare me to death, stalked and harassed for two years longer. It really damaged me.

I refused to move from the area -- just because I am who I am and I wasn't going to allow someone to drive me out of town. That was maybe a mistake too. It was all a freaking nightmare and I was called (and treated) paranoid and mentally ill because of this constant harassment.

I know what i know in my gut.

I like this. Hold onto this and keep fighting your way through. I would say a few of us have really felt in our souls what your situation is and how it feels. Connect with them and draw upon their experiences and don't let anyone invalidate what you know to be true.

 

[Friday]

How do I oust them from my life?

That would depend on the details. When/ where/ how/ who IF you wanted to stay local... As well as being able to convince skeptical people (like your T) what's happening. Because how it's done with people on-side is different than how it's done if you're having to work solo.

 

[Twilight]

That would depend on the details. When/ where/ how/ who IF you wanted to stay local... As well as being...

I do not know what you mean by doing it "onside" or "solo"

 

[Friday]

what you mean by doing it "onside" or "solo"

Like it's 2 different things if it's actually happening, versus it's my paranoia happening. (One is dealing with stalking, one is dealing with the side effects of stalking / paranoia). Technically 3 things, as when it's actually happening? My paranoia ramps up. So what generally happens is I've got both going on at the same time. Actually happening plus misreading and overreacting to normal things.

If you've got people on-side/ working with you; then they're helping you deal with either case. (Helping eliminate the stalking, or helping reality check and ease away the paranoia).

- It's a lot easier to deal with stalking if you have people who believe you that it's happening & can help you take steps to oust those people (that are stalking and harassing you), and aren't treating actual stalking like it's paranoia.
- And it's a lot easier to deal with paranoia if you have people you trust to be reality checking with, who neither spin you up so you're more paranoid when you don't need to be, nor dismissive of actual events. Same token, as impartial observers / witnesses they also help getting more people on-side (police, advocates, assistance, housing, etc.) who would otherwise be disinclined to believe &/or assist you.

If you're doing it solo / all by yourself, then it takes a lot more effort... In all ways. It's still completely possible, but it's a lot more challenging than when you have the security of people you trust in your corner. People who can help you sort out what's real, versus what's not AND help you deal with what's real, and what's not.

 

[Twilight]

Like it's 2 different things if it's actually happening, versus it's my paranoia happening. (One...

Thank you, that is very helpful. I am taking steps to pursue a new t that falls into the catagory of believing it happens, yet provides reality checks. The original t denied it was happening at all, and that is not helpful to me at this point.

 

[Twilight]

Third Party? Yes.

Physical Stalking
- A few private investigation firms. (Professional. No worries.)
-...

I found a dead animal at my work station, which i thought was inpenatrable by the perp. Now you have me wondering if it was a special calling card for me............but there was no note attached.