It Is Getting Harder

[Copper Princess]

It is getting harder for me to hide my depression. My house is not clean, I no longer make my bed, my office desk is so unorganized. It all just makes me even sadder (if that is word). I love my house clean and getting into a freshly made bed. I do my laundry and leave it in the hamper and I get so angry when I have to iron my clothes for work. This really was just a rant because I am angry with myself.

 

[Freedomfighter]

It is rather common for me too to get mad when I can not keep my place clean. Often I can only clean a small part at a time. At times I get so frustrated I put everything on hold and clean my place. And then at the end of the day I notice that I still got only a part of the stuff cleaned, a lot less than I wanted.

That is one of the main reasons why down sizing is awesome. I always think downsizing is the way to go. I used to clean a house now an apartment and I am just amazed how that cleaning never ends, whew.

Pretty soon there will be one day where everything else will have to wait and I just clean. Gotta take some of those days, otherwise I am not comfortable either. It is normal to want a clean place. Sometimes I look at people's homes and how cluttered and dirty they are, I could not live that way.

With PTSD however everything is magnified. Whichever pains we have are always magnified with this condition.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

This is s problem for me, too, and it always caused me a ton of shame. My kids always knew they couldn't bring friends home without giving me enough warning to make the place at least a little bit acceptable.

Now, I get that self-care is a real problem for many of us, and I feel more sad than ashamed. I have managed, at least, to keep one room in the house reasonably clean, and that's the living room. Trying for the kitchen, too, but it's not going great. :p

Copper Princess, can you delegate some of your chores?

 

[Copper Princess]

This is s problem for me, too, and it always caused me a ton of shame. My kids always knew they cou...

@Mal Content I do give my daughter some chores. She is 16 so she is not going to do anymore than asked. Lol. My kitchen is the cleanest but that is because I absolutely hate dirty dishes in the sink when I need to cook. Lol. Unfortunately my bedroom is the worst. I told my self that today I will do all of my laundry and put it away. One step at a time, right?

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Yes, one step at a time. I've been living out of my laundry basket for months now! My bedroom is the worst, too. :(

May I ask why you have to hide your depression? Don't answer if it makes you uncomfortable.

 

[Copper Princess]

Yes, one step at a time. I've been living out of my laundry basket for months now! My bedroom is th...

It is ok to ask...I try to hide it because I have heard several people say that depression is not real. I have had people say that depression is just a way for people to get attention. Also my ex would do and say mean things to me if I started to feel myself sliding. So I just try really hard to hide it.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Oh, honey, you're listening to all the wrong people! :(

 

[Copper Princess]

Oh, honey, you're listening to all the wrong people! :(

Thank you...I am learning that. I am not sure how to be ok with it. I cry a lot in my car or in my bed when I am alone.