How to be social?

[EmmaOwl]

Ok, this is not exactly a social post in itself; it's a question about how to be social in other situations - aka In Real Life!

I'm supposed to go to some kind of get-together on Saturday evening, at the house of a couple I have met, and with the wife's sister. So these three people who I know only a little bit. I've been to dinner with them. I agreed and found it's going to be as many as 8 to 10 people. Like, a small party of sorts. I almost never go out at all, and when I do it is no more than 2 people, so I am scared...anxious.. I worry about seeming "normal". Any tips - anyone who has been out of the social scene, and returned to it? There might be nothing specific to say... but even knowing that others have done so would be helpful to me.

I am being brave. That's the thing. I'm going. I don't want to go, but I'm going. I don't know how to make friends, but I know this is one step. But managing the anxiety until I get there..... Well. It's certainly a challenge for me - hopefully it will turn out to be a good one.

 

[Joan]

No real words of wisdom as how to make it work as I have not managed it....just thinking out loud here...is there any one person in this group that you feel you can confide in, can give a signal to if you need out? Can you give yourself any compassion if you go and then need to leave early...I still think that is success. Also think it is ok if it gets to the day and it just feels like too much, but that is me. I hope that it works out well for you.

 

[Crow]

This situation scares me so much. Only advice is remember to breathe. If you feel yourself zoning out, name 5 things you see. It'll help bring you back. Go to the restroom if you need space. Don't be afraid to leave early. And ask questions. People love talking about themselves so ask questions.

You got this!

 

[Deadman]

I'm not sure how much I can help here. Like you I find any more than two people and myself gets a little overwhelming. I have found a couple of things that have helped me be at least casually social.

First I stopped caring about seeming 'normal'. I'm not, and if people can't accept me for how I am now I'm not willing to waste any time on them.

Second is my dog. I've had him almost a year now. I got him after my other dogs died. For some reason when I'm with him I'm no longer a scary looking guy who is a potential threat. I'm just a guy with a friendly dog. Why he shapes people's perception of me so much I'm not sure. We now know most of the other dog owners around here. Sometimes they even remember my name :laugh:

 

[Deadman]

And ask questions. People love talking about themselves

Yes! That works for me whenever I feel at a loss for words. "Umm... so what do you do?" followed by nodding and smiles on my part. They'll never know you are secretly worried that your PTSD might be showing :)

 

[ladee]

You are being brave for sure!
The anxiety in the meantime is a lot of breathing exvercises..distractions and not allowing yourself to do a lot of projecting of outcomes.
First of all.. No one there will be 'normal'. So don't worry about that.
What is the worst that can happen? What are you the most afraid of?
You are very gentle and friendly here. Just go and pretend it's a room full of us
You're going to be great.
Social anxiety is so stressful.
I end up talking too much so people eventually just go away! Lol.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Cant be of much help because I shy away from strangers. You may excuse yourself to the restroom and if all else fails excuse yourself from the party early with a health complaint. After all if you dont feel well mentally in a situation you do have a valid health complaint. That can be disguised as a belly ache or headache.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Can you wear something that is special to you, like a bracelet, necklace, ring? Something you can touch that feels grounding? Alternately, can you place something special in a pocket that you can touch with your fingers should you become anxious? Like a shell, a polished stone, small stuffed animal? I found this very helpful when I had to go to an event around Christmas. I also took tea that I had prepared and placed in a favorite hot beverage container. I don't now if you know what Tervis tumblers are, but you can get them at Bed, Bath and Beyond. They come in a variety of decorative styles so you can pick out something special and meaningful to you. Just a thought as there are many brands out there. I think the idea is that it is something of you that you are taking to the event, that you can touch. I find that comforting.

Also, as others noted, keep the time in mind. I gave myself a deadline of 2 hours max. Anyway, hope it all goes well tomorrow.

 

[EmmaOwl]

So many pieces of wisdom in this thread - @ladee, the "pretend it's a room full of us" is awesomely creative!! :)
I do keep a hair tie around my wrist when I am out... I've never thought about WHY it makes me feel safe, but @VioletButterfly , you explain really well, it makes sense. A nice brown elastic that goes w/my hair :) Grounding is good.... I'll be getting a ride there, so I won't be able to leave abruptly, but I'll try to get it sorted before I go - so at least I know ahead of time. Ducking into the bathroom, another excellent idea.... all of these things are helpful! Thank you so much for your suggestions and support... Just knowing I have people who understand... that helps!
I know it's silly but I think I'm going to make sure to set myself up with makeup... I don't bother much anymore but it might make me feel more self-confident.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Oh yeah and something else mentioned here in this thread - I never in my whole life was normal, anyway. Where's the fun in that?? :P I have to think back to the olden days, pre-PTSD - when I was creative and offbeat and proud of it!
I will work to be brave. I saw my therapist today so talking it over with him helped, too. I feel very supported by everyone here. :tup:

 

[ladee]

Oh I agree that being like the status quo is boring.
Getting comfortable with our quirky self is fun.
Helps with self acceptance that no one can take away from us.
Different is Good!
Yay for you!

 

[EmmaOwl]

Ok, this is not exactly a social post in itself; it's a question about how to be social in other situa...

Yay, I did it! I went out to a small party, for 4 whole hours last night, with 3 people I knew a little bit and 3 new people. It was a retro-game night, trivia games, doofy stuff that could normally be drinking games, but this was much more mellow and still fun. (No Pictionary, thank goodness. As soon as I got there I said I would not play that, nor Charades!)

I think I did fairly well, interacting with people. And guess what? I came home and slept for 7 hours straight, and I barely moved - I fell asleep in the living room, so my roommate noticed that. He covered me up with a blanket and was generally very sweet :) I've been through several anxiety-ridden "must-dos" in the past few days, and I think exhaustion took over and my body finally allowed itself to relax.

Thanks everyone who posted encouragement - on this thread, and elsewhere. Hurray! I am proud of myself.