Self Worth

[Netsy]

My Story ... Where do I start - I feel totally happy shut away in my own world. Noone to tell me worthless stuff, so I feel safe... ... but this evening I went out to meet a friend who I had shyed away from. She made me feel welcome into her world but on the other hand I came home feeling she had robbed me of my spirit - she made me feel it is my fault that I overexaggerate things which is probably very true but to her control its a good way of manipulating me that I am the $%^&*up...

She and I had a dispute nearlly 3 months ago. I have never cried so much and I DONT ever cry. Old wounds opened up again. No we are not a couple at all but friends for many years ! but a friendship of many years is like being married in a funny way.

She has her own world and its different to mine. I prayed to God as driving home (Disassociating in the traffic - what a joke I actually got lost!!!) .... I said to God, hey why me ?... what is my purpose on this planet Earth. But I ALSO SAID to God, Thankyou so much for the blessings you have given my beautiful children because that is the best thing you have given me... but hey God? I got very selfish there and said to him, but what about me ?... I felt total remorse and guilt on why am I questioning God... Well ?... I had to say to God, Sorry for offending you, and thank you for the blessings on my children because that is more important to me than anything OF ME....

I know that we all have prayed and I know God is the only one who has always stood by me...

.. But honestly right now I am so numb right now as typing this my mind is totally wackout. I can express on this forum how I feel without anyone critisizing me. There is a part in my soul I feel has been manipulated. She said that I am imagining things... I told her that my alert mechanism is ALWAYS alert that other people like her done have... And I dont imagine things... I feel totally alone again... it feels like I have been stripped of my dignity... and I have been away from her for nearlly 3 months and have done so well and now I feel completely guilty for something that never happened. Am I okey or just needing to go to sleep and tomorrow will be a new day !?...

 

[Intrepid]

You wrote the kind of thing that goes through my head over and over again. If I criticize your feelings I criticize my own.

Truth is, I criticize my own feelings all the time.

Thanks for you post. I feel a little less alone.

 

[The Albatross]

Hmmm... quite a lot of stuff to pick apart here, "I feel totally happy shut away in my own world. Noone to tell me worthless stuff, so I feel safe... ... but this evening I went out to meet a friend who I had shyed away from. She made me feel welcome into her world but on the other hand I came home feeling she had robbed me of my spirit - she made me feel it is my fault that I overexaggerate things which is probably very true but to her control its a good way of manipulating me that I am the $%^&*up..."

Perceptual bias.

P.S. Self worth is what we think about ourselves... self esteem is what we perceive from others outside of ourselves.

I hope you will not feel as though I am criticizing you as that is not my intent.

Whose wounds opened up again, yours? Hers? Both? ("She and I had a dispute nearlly 3 months ago. I have never cried so much and I DONT ever cry. Old wounds opened up again")

I'm not sure how you get from here: she made me feel it is my fault that I overexaggerate things which is probably very true" (past or present???) To here? "to her control its a good way of manipulating me that I am the $%^&*up"

Former relationship, friends, a dispute 3 months ago, you met up... please clarify because cognitively what you've communicated is a real leap since you're no longer partners and are "friends" who've had a dispute. (????)

 

[Netsy]

Gosh thank you for opening up my mind. I think you are absolutely right on the self esteem. You have given me a lot to think about

 

[Freedomfighter]

My Story ... Where do I start - I feel totally happy shut away in my own world. Noone to tell me worthles...

So sorry for your pain, but as soon as anyone makes the slightest notion of someone imagining anything I will walk the other way. That is classic red flag behavior and a very well known way for a predator to abuse you, to groom you, to rape you, and then telling you that you just imagined it and that it was consensual and because you have PTSD your illness actually prevented you from realizing what you were doing. Then that so called friend will go further and insinuate that you have additional conditions that may come into play because PTSD can do that.

And then that friend ......... get my drift? Steer away from the Devil and save your life while you can. I see devils like that every day..... and believe me, you are the only one that can save yourself from a female devil like that.

 

[Netsy]

So sorry for your pain, but as soon as anyone makes the slightest notion of someone imagining an...

Thank you because my gut feeling is that I am happy not to associate with anyone who gives me triggers of insecurity or emotional garbage which I can do without.