Angry

[Vapib]

I am so angry at fighting this abuse monster. If i do anything with good motives, the evil ones put out the message i am doing it for "sick" reasons. So, if i do wrong, i am bad and if i do good, i am "bad". And everyone buys in to this "logic". Soo, no matter what i do, I am a sick f**k.

Might as well curl up and die, which is what would make them all happy, anyway. Then their lies would be validated. "See, we told you she was a sick f@@k"

Suicide is their motive, and i can not get away. The extent of their manipulation of every institution surrounding me is amazing. I am talking banks, churches, state child support, EVERYTHIN

 

[Apa]

I feel your rage. Mine, unfortunately is against myself right now. Keep fighting for peace. Pray. Meditate, exercise, punch something soft, cry, scream.

 

[Jubuda]

So what happens if you cease fighting?

 

[Vapib]

So what happens if you cease fighting?

I live in isolation.
I dont want that.

 

[Vapib]

Also, i go broke

 

[Opiw]

I had to work really hard at changing my internal script regarding what I phrased as a "fight" when it comes to all things self into a more love-based approach.

Everyone else brought battle after battle to me and had worn me down next to nothing through the years. Why was I still choosing to let my being remain a war zone?

I had never been taught any other way. Self-love is hard to engage in when you've never been exposed to healthy beings who practice it, or even know what it means for themselves.

 

[Vapib]

I had to work really hard at changing my internal script regarding what I phrased as a "fight" when it comes to all thing...

You have no understanding of the problem in the least, so i will not engage further. It has nothing to do with self-love, it has to do with an abuser trying to destroy me bc i have left him

 

[Goso]

So you're stuck in fight mode. K.

 

[Vapib]

So you're stuck in fight mode. K.

What else is there? Ignore and/or withdraw?
I believe you are suggesting ignore and go a different path. But every path i choose gets obstructed and blocked.
So, I can stay still (give up) or try new paths (and get blocked repeatedly)
If there is another option, please be so kind as to point it out

 

[Pogoz]

So, I can stay still (give up) or try new paths (and get blocked repeatedly)

I agree on the stay still not being good.

You're predicting that you will be blocked repeatedly. You may have reason to believe that, based on your experience. But - still - you can't know.

Have you left the area? Left the country? Full identity change? Are any of these things options?

 

[Vapib]

I agree on the stay still not being good.

You're predicting that you will be blocked repeatedly. You may have reason t...

Your ideas are all "good"

 

[pogoz]

Your ideas are all "good"

Does that mean you have, or have not tried them? Do you think they could work? What are the things getting in the way, and can this thread help you work out some of those?